Here’s Me

I don’t know what stops me from blogging, I think about it often, I put it on many a list – but it never seems fitting to blog simply to check it off a list; though I do so enjoy checking off lists. I was thinking tonight back to many high school nights when I was the “star” of the school play. I loved those nights. I loved performing and having the attention and the affirmation after – but after the performances, I just wanted to leave!

I was thinking about traveling and my day in Amsterdam or 3 days in Bangkok. I loved those days, being around the crowds and masses and un recognizable faces. But I loved more than that my times alone in my room or hotel at night.

Thinking about Camps and conferences and youth group outings and Applebee’s and YWAM and Denny’s and Party’s. I liked them … but I liked them most when they were over and I was alone, or at least in bed and the noise died.

I never noticed it then, but I did notices my “bi-polar” type emotions though I could never narrow them down or pin point triggers. Everybody told me I was extroverted, because I was so outgoing and confident and had so many friends and like to lead things. You don’t go against what people tell you, I mean were talking about the same people who told me I was to be a pastor.

You see, all those years, I was an introvert struggling to be an extrovert. I lovd people with a passion, but didn’t give myself ample alone time. Oh I liked my alone time! My room in high school was a haven. 

This was my space. Perhaps this is why I did not go to bed until 2 am, cause after my whole schedule, I would come in here with candles and music and lights and be alone. I just did not do it purposefully.

Tonight was the school Christmas party – so much fun! But when it was over, I was done. Done being with people. I praise the Lord for allowing me to have my own room this year. I was reading about introverts on Wikipedia just now and it said that they are not necessarily shy people, but people who get energy from being alone. They often like reading, writing, soft music and blogging. Haha, here I am! Well anyways, that’s just what I am thinking about tonight.

Leaves fall.

I’ve been thinking about Fall. Its my favorite of the seasons you know. I am simply in awe of the sudden weather change and the shifting color in the leaves, from a bright green, to a deep orange – until they fall on the ground and turn brown.

I made a tree out of cardboard and construction paper for my hallway. As Katie picked it up a couple orange leaves fell off. “Heather, the leaves fell!” She exclaimed almost worried, with an unspoken question of whether I would fix the art project. I just responded with “The tree is dying Katie, the leaves have to fall off.” I’ve been thinking about how the tree is dying as it looses its leaves, and yet the dying process is so beautiful.

My Grammy is dying. She has always been a strong tree, and yet like fall, she is quickly deteriorating like a shocking shift in the weather. My initial response is much like Katie’s, I want to repair her with urgency – but she is dying, therefore her leaves must fall. She is the most beautiful in this dying process. Her wrinkles and scars and wounds are more attractive than I imagine her skin to have ever been in her youth. I am glad that our Lord made the dying process beautiful.

# 2 – Canada and Bust

Well, we accomplished one on the list that I thought might not get done. For our four day fall break, we drove to Canada. Katie Stevens, Angela Morton, Heather Potter and Chelsea Fisher. We crammed into my two door car and took off on the adventure with passports, snacks, a gps, and a hotel reservation. And, we had a great time! We learned about flashing green lights and exchange rates and kilometers. We walked downtown Vancouver at night and noted how safe it felt compared to Portland, but I concluded I still like Portland so much more. We didnt get any stamps at the Us or Canada Boarder, but we did all drive the car in Canada at some point, and that is pretty cool. Even though my car died 256 miles away from Portland on the way back and we needed to get a tow with a dude named Tarent, we all made it back safe and were glad we went. With a Canada patch not sewed on my backpack, I can say – CHECK!

An Abstract

Pounding, sound deaf walls, concrete floor.

Glass heart, pillow shield, arrows flying;

feathers, shattered mirrors.

 

Broom swept, ashes kept, trash dumped, stained glass beauty.

#21

I was reading over my Bucket List from my birthday last year and realized I never posted this one!

In August Heather and I took Lauren to McMinimis Edgefield for her 21st Birthday. Edgefield is an old poor farm turned Winery. It was a glorious breezy day. We all looked cute. We choose to eat lunch in the main building. We were waiting for a table, when Lauren giggled and pointed at the bar and said "we could eat in there!" So we did.

Then we went down into a cellar for some wine tasting. It was like $5 for a couple different types, so we all got different ones and ended up trying like 12 different ones. I discovered that I do not like red wine. Heather does. I prefer a chilled white wine, even though I still only kinda liked a couple of them, it was really fun.

There was a wedding going on there that day too and it was great to see everybody walking around in their outfits. So many people, enjoying life and each other. I felt privileged that I got to spend that day with those two girls.

Weed in Madras

So Angela and I are like at this Shell Station on the outskirts of Madras. Were on our way back from a short trip to Bend for the day with Katie and Sarah. It was a truck stop, supposedly said the sign. The gas lady wore an oversized shirt with a semi-truck covering the back, on top of tight black pants that settled on some thick, white sketchers. She had bleached long hair and chunky bangs, and crinkled skin. I think she might have been in her 40’s, but her body aged her to be much older.

So anyways, this gas lady, she comes to my door to get my card and I dig through my purse on my lap. Because my window is broke my door is open,and when  the contents of my purse go spilling out the lady yells a four letter word out of shock. She leans in for a closer look at the little baggies of mysterious green loose leaf laying unmarked.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think that was some’tin else! I mean, I have no problem using the stuff I just would not flaunt it like that!” Her crooked yellow teeth showed some serious substance abuse behind thin, sad lips.

“OH!” I responded … Its loose leaf tea I bought today! I opened it and showed her the label. “You want to smell?” She stepped back to start pumping my gas and was for the first time since our meeting at an appropriate arm length away from me.  She proceeded to babble on about how ****ing stupid people are and that is really all we are as humans anyways. Her mumblings became muffled as she walked across the empty lot to pick up a stick to shove in my gas tank to make the nozzle stay in. Angela and I just sat and like looked at each other.

I told her of my desire for Pumpkin lattes, and how I don’t like Starbucks, but I do like Dutch Bros. except they are not getting the holiday flavors until next Saturday. That is why I had this loose leaf tea. I got some pumpkin spice Chai to enjoy this week. I nodded in agreement that there are a lot of stupid decisions in the world. I noticed that she wore no wedding band, but did wear several clanky gold rings on fingers laden with long burgundy nails.  Her hands were wary, they told a story of sadness and pain, hands that had seen a lot of stupid people.

Angela and I  ate pretzel sticks and wondered how much longer we were going to be on this “quick stop off” that was interfering with our timing the length of our trip. In the back of my mind, I observed the lady, her dress, her words, her empty laugh. I was sad that she only had seen stupid people and that she liked her substances. I was sad as I drove away laughing about her. How many like her are there? And we like, don’t even have the time to go beyond the shallowness.

Its the most wonderful time, of the year!

A leaf fell at my foot, softly.  The morning crisp air bit my nose in a most delicious way. The rain smelled wonderfully … like a song. Sweet Potato fries. Pumpkin Smoothies. Did I tell you Fall is HERE?!

Three nice things

1. We had a going away party for Lauren at Macaroni Grill. The warm rosemary bread kept making it to my mouth. We surprised Lauren, by being there, but hid behind our menu’s when she came in. We drew on the paper table cloth. The men wore ties. I miss Lauren already.

2. We spent like and hour in Boarders. I found an atlas of the world and got lost. Sarah Jones came and admired it with me. We mapped out our different trips for each other. And talked of our adventures. And flipped pages through country after country that we have yet to visit. Of places we have been and long to return. The group I guess was waiting for us to finish talking, but when they heard our topic, they realized their would be no finish. We all left, and Sarah and I found ourselves salivating over this world map sheet paper in the paper store.I like Sarah and not having to finish.

3. I get back to school and drink a grapefruit IZZE. I find out my lifelong friend Kirsten is engaged! It makes me think of all my memories with her. Our like 17 year friendship. I wonder upon the paper in my notebook, created a good 6 years ago with her yellow and purple wedding plans in it. I smile, because I see her picture with Gavin from today. I really like him. And I trust him. He was able to put that smile on her face. I think I like this growing up thing.

Moment

" Live for the moment, but not at the expense of the future." -Unknown.

(Taken from the Journal Justine gave me where she randomly wrote quotes down.)

How fitting this quote was. If you have talked to me lately, you have probably heard me discuss this. School starts for me in 16 days... AHHH! My excitement level? Off the charts. I am so excited for the future, but not at the expense of my present. My entire life I have looked up, looked forward, looked out ... never looked down or in the mirror or in a circle. Gazing out the window in Mr. Bentleys Class... dreaming. Driving in a bumpy van toward Mt. Ararat ... dreaming. Working at Outback ... dreaming. I missed so much. I missed many of Mr. Bentleys wonderful words. I missed the beauty of drives and of so much of Europe. I missed the broken co-workers that were silently screaming at me ... because I was dreaming.

I dream now... but I am so fully aware of my present. What am I doing today? What can I learn from God today? The people I am with. The silent screams. The beauty. The wise words. The silence and joy and freedom. I am living very much in the moment, but it is not at an expense to my future. They are hand in hand. Who and what I am today, is making me into what I need for two weeks from now. I need them both, I focus on them equally. Heather always tells me "Moderation. Everything in Moderation." Your right Heather. Your right.

Bliss

So I won this contest on Laura’s blog to try a free pint of Coconut Bliss. Its a gluten, dairy, soy free ice cream. Tonight I took my coupon into Fred Meyers and redeemed it for my free pint. I was a bit discouraged to find that my only two options were Naked and Dark Chocolate, and seeing that I am not much of a Chocolate fan, I opted for the Naked.

We ate it in the car, my two aunts, Grammy and I (with spoons we took from the deli) and we enjoyed it very much. I am not a huge fan of the texture of coconut, though I love the flavor. This straight up coconut taste reminded me very much of being in Thailand and drinking Coconut Milk Shakes. (Not too ironic seeing that the farm Luna and Larry purchase their coconuts from is in Thailand!)

I am a big fan of the after affect it had on me …NOTHING! About three years ago I gave up milk and found my asthma to almost disappear. Ice Cream has always been my favoritist of things … but after I got use to not having the dairy, my body stopped craving ice cream … but my mouth did not! I had no flem, no problem breathing, no stomach ach! I will be going to the store very soon (this time I will take the drive out to Whole Foods) So that I can try the Cappuccino! I recommend this product to anyone.

Territory

Isn’t it funny how territorial we are? We claim our space, and we own it, and our right to it, and we feel the need to protect it … and are in a way, prideful of it.

At work, (my janitorial job) I have been there around six months. I am pretty shy and keep to myself there, because the other employees had been there a while. It was their territory. Then, some people were fired and a new girl came in and I had to train her … and all of a sudden I was full of confidence, because this was my territory, I knew it better than her.

About this same time I was volunteering at a big event downtown and I once again was pretty shy my first shift, doing what others told me to do. When I returned the next day, I was recognized as being there before and I was trusted with some stuff, and as I stood my post, I was shy … until I found out the lady I was working with was new, and I knew something she did not, and I filled her in, and I noticed myself kicking into a new gear, pride popping out; my territory.

Then, it came out once more that week. I went to a worship event at school. A girl came up and introduced herself to me and asked if I was new. I had a bit of an attitude and responded with a tisk “NO, I am a sophomore.” And with that, she walked away. “Geesh, Those seminary students don’t know us at all.” I sat to Angela. Then as the night progressed, I come to find out that Wendy, the girl who introduced herself to me, was an incoming freshman next year and knew noone there … and that was her first association with Multnomah Students. I felt terrible! Luckily, I was able to talk it over with her afterwards and explain and ask forgiveness for my attitude. She thought it was pretty funny that I misplaced her, a just graduated high school student, for a married seminary student!

All of this has really look at this whole territory thing. I don’t like it. I think we should be treating people and acting the same, no matter our “turf ground.” This is going to be really hard to do, especially with the sinful pride nature we hold. But thanks to my embarrassing run in with Wendy, I am going to be checking my heart much faster.

“May the words of my mouth, and the thoughts of my heart, be pleasing to you Oh Lord.” –Psalm 19:14

My Sister

"Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling." -Pam Brown ( Borrowed quote off Katy's blog)

Today is my sisters birthday. I am sad that I can not be with her. I remember summers and all the different places we were during her birthday (Sunriver, Creation, Beach, Camping...) I sure loved it when we had parties and all her friends would come over and I would get to run around pretending in my mind to be so much older than I really was.

My sister is one of my most favorite people in the world, and it aches my heart that we live a whole state away. As a little girl, I imitated her every move; I find now, still trying to imitate her. She is my little big sister, I surpassed her in size and height when I was 11 ... but she never lost her influence on me. The nine years that separates us now is not as obvious as it once was, oh and how much I take joy in that! For so long I strived and strived to be older than I was to "catch up." It was not until this Thanksgiving that I realized, we would always be nine years apart, but we would continue to get closer the more things we had in common, the more I matured, the more we both grew deeper in the Lord.

I know so much of her. Such a large part of my life, I sat just listening. I would hide under the bed and listen to her talk, or write out loud, or be on the phone, or chat with Cameo ... until I got my hair caught in the springs and started crying. I would hide under the desk, and listen. I would be allowed to go on car rides, and to friends houses, as long as I didn't complain. And I desired to be around her so much, I would go, even if it meant being a 11 year old, listening to 20 year olds discussing religion and politics at Sherri's at 11 at night. I would lay in hall way and listen to her late night conversations with Dad about the Bible. For a few years, I use to just go sit outside her door when I could not sleep at night. I would listen to Six Pence none the Richer and look with my one eye under the door at the flickering candle lights. I sat as she told me about this "David". I have listened as she told me childbirth, and post childbirth. And of being a mom, and a wife. And when she told me to go to college, I listened, I went, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Harmony, I love listening to you. I love calling you and letting you talk, rant, rave, ramble and repeat yourself. I am sorry if I don't offer more of me, I am not trying to hold back, I just love listening to you so much! It's ... what I have always done, even if you didn't know it. I love the Mama you are, and the wife you are, and the words you write ... reading them is like listening to you, because I can hear your voice. I love watching old movies with you, and discussing the language of quality literature. I feel so proud to have an older sister, one I have a relationship with, one I desire to be with, one I opt to be like. I share you (and your blog!) with everyone. I love that I have a sister, and I love even more that that sister is you! 

Happy Birthday.  

All on a Saturday night

This weekend was Celina and Barry's Wedding. It was small, simple, and sincere. The sun came out so our rain boots didn't have to. It was complete with Pedicures, shopping, German food and balloons. Welcome to the World Mr. and Mrs. Nix!

Saturday Night, we had a bon fire out at the RV park Barrys family was staying at in Woodland, Washington. A gorgeous sunseted, chilly night. Then, as the boys set up the fireworks, an elderly woman shuffled over to the ledge and shouted "you cant do that. It scares my little dog." A few choice words were exchanged between the group and the woman. "Well," she concluded. "I already told on you to the park ranger and here she comes now." Sure enough the sound of a golf cart on gravel geared up in our ears.

"You can not do fireworks until tomorrow. You can not go off the property and do them, if you do them anywhere where I can see them I will kick you out of the park." So, the fireworks went away, and with much urging from the peace wanting mother, words were kept inside. Mandy and I just looked at each other. We rode in the just married car and got some good looks from passerby's and we watched some grown people dramatically act as though they were 13.

On the way home, Mandy and I shared every memory we had of our Grandma Ziebart. Then there was a bridge lift. Once the traffic started moving, one car remained still in the right lane as two people frantically squirmed around in their hot little convertible mustang. It looked like they were trying to put clothes back on. Hmmmm. Then, not 70 feet later, a man in the shoulder of the right hand side of the road was dancing ... Nude. I just looked at Mandy and said "What on earth is going on tonight?!" We agreed that the evening had been nothing short of a dream.

The next morning as I gave my aunt Jan the long version of the weekend, she said "are you sure that was real? Perhaps you dreamed it all."

Yes, that's it. I think I dreamed it all. There was no crabby lady saying we could not do fireworks. There were no adolescent teenagers. No couple in the convertible. No nude man dancing. Just a normal Saturday night.

Family

The Ziebart Family. This was the family we spent holidays with and always squirmed to leave early so not to be too late to Mom’s side of the family. (Mom’s side) The side of the family with the cousins we loved and the aunts we adored. The Ziebart family was loud and shocking and slightly uncomfortable. Harmony says it well in that she must prepare herself whenever a gathering comes about, and I wholeheartedly agree. It’s not that this family is bad, I love them all dearly, they are family. And the discussions are always ok, as long as you don’t get anyone started on politics, religion, sports, health or investments. Stick to Construction.

I love my Grandpa, afterall, he is the only Grandpa I have. Bryan and I were good friends, when we were little seeing that we went to pre-school together and all. Ben’s long hair mezmorized me, Uncle Norman scared me, Aunt Patty shushed me. We gathered at holidays … but that was it. Though we all mostly lived in the same city, we did not hang out. I don’t really know why.

So a few years ago Mandy got married and had me help with the gifts at her wedding, then I caught the boquet! I was enamored with her. Nick and Mandy moved back to the area a few years later and invited me to Portland, to their Bible Study. It was so out of my comfort zone, but out of lack of excuses and a deep desire for something new, I went. I started to get a small glimpse of their lives. School brought me here, and now I spend more time with them then pretty much anyone else.

Harmony asked me about a week ago if Mandy and I were friends. I laughed, sighed and responded in an email that yes indeed, Mandy, my Ziebart Cousin and I were friends. How mysterous our God is. This cousin that I have so many connections with, is now a deep part of my life. I am trusted with her kids and her kitchen. And I delight in being with her. Her devotion to God, her respect for her husband, her patience with neighbors, and her joy of being a mom - these things speak rivers to my soul. How thankful I am that the Lord closed doors on a job for me this summer. Mandy, if only you knew what joy it is to serve with you.

Freedom in Grace

Oh to be free. To live in your grace.

To look upon your ever loving face.

What holds us back and keeps tight the chain?

Our insecure fears, and easily distracted ears.

Oh the strength of whispering your all – powerful name.

To be free. To live in your grace.

To look upon your ever loving face.

Pay Up

“Those who are taught the word of God should help their teachers by paying them.” –Galations 6:6

Well Mr. Bible School … this is proving true. I don’t really know how I am paying for it, but there is no spending cap on the knowledge I am receiving under the study of my teachers.

Brother Lawrence

Nick loaned me this book. And it is good. Really Good. I’ve been challenged and just finished reading it for the second time this week, and just bought my own copy so I can return Nicks and start marking up my own! You should buy a copy here for $3.64 and read it for yourself! Brother Lawrence lived like 300 years ago, and his sole purpose was to be in Gods presence. He did not see the difference between working, praying or sleeping. He worked to think on NOTHING but God. Here are just a few excerpts from his book …

If the vessel of our soul is still being tossed by winds or storms, we should wake the Lord who has been resting with us all along, and He will swiftly calm the sea. … I honestly cannot understand how people who claim to love the Lord can be content without practicing His presence. … Although I beg Him to do whatever He wishes with me, He does nothing but caress me. … once we get to know Him, we will think about Him even more often, because where our treasure is, there also is our heart! … Because of all He is to us, we owe Him our thoughts, words, and actions.”

Expansion Expanded

(For Harmony)

I grew up mesmerized with the missionaries who came clothed in colorful cloth. They came with seaweed and bamboo and silk. They had stories. I wanted to be them. So bad, I wanted to be them. So, I spent my life striving to be them. I mean after all, if I am willing to go to the Amazon and be shot by a native tribe, then the Lord must send me right?

I spent every single class period in Mr. Bentleys room all throughout Jr. High and Highschool staring out the window; looking towards the western hills that lead to the Pacific which lead to Asia, which lead to Africa. Every day was a new story I would dream up, I would be clothed in one of those magnificent outfits, changing the world for Jesus! If there was anything that the AG taught me, and taught me well, it was how to be passionate. I was 16 and GOING to take over the world for Jesus. I wanted to go anywhere but home.

September 21, 2007 – I arrived in Budapest, Hungary and began the journey I just KNEW God was calling me to. Overseas, it was the first step. I learned some things that I liked to do, but I found lots of things that I didn’t. I missed the culture I knew how to reach. I missed home and longed to one day go to Portland.

So then I go to China! And I spend two months mentally jotting down every motion of a missionaries wife'; wanting, waiting, longing to be her. I found the life to be no where near as exciting as I once thought, it was still life. I also found the mission to be much harder than I thought.

On the way home from that trip, my sister told me it was time for me to go to school. And I was just in this place that I said “OK.” So I picked Multnomah because it was close to Grammy and the church Nick and Mandy were planting. And I enrolled in the intercultural program, because you get to spend a semester abroad … and that is what I am to do … right?

Here we are at the now part. The where I am at the present and where I am going with the future. The who I am and who I desire to become. I am serving at this church, and we are small. Smaller than the small church I grew up in. And I love it. I love it more than I think I have ever loved anything. We are full of inconsistency and hurt and needs. But, our joy and giving and love exceeds all of these. We serve in a Multi-cultural neighborhood … did you see the word culture? Yeah, I just saw it too. I think that is the key here.

Everything I study at school, everything I have learned about missions and cultures and fundraising – it applies right here! It applies more to this neighborhood than to anything else. I know my culture, and I can help teach it to someone else, and my studies of how to relate to them … that helps me …. HERE.

For the first time in my life I am truly content being exactly where I am. This is where I am serving. This is where I want to serve. This is where I want to stay. Who I am depends on who I allow myself to be in the Lord. Where I am allows me to delight in him more than if I were anywhere else. This is how I know I am to be here. Check out this old post to see more of why I delight in him.

So the question of do I have the courage to expand my life? I think I do … because I believe I am doing it right now.

Expansion

“Life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

For my Birthday Justine gave me a journal in which she inserted scriptures and quotations every few pages. I love as I turn the page to write, that I find something inspiring already written. I am always caught aghast when they are fitting to what I am writing. 

I write of my future and present. What I am and what I will become.  Of What I do and what I wish to do. How I see myself and who I really am. Do I have the courage to expand my life?

Mr. Sun

He came. I met him. He woke me up this morning with a gentle voice of repetitive rhythm. He is warm and engulfing and understanding. He came with Coffee. He spent the morning on the porch with me. We listened to music. We watched the clouds roll by and the birds carry worms to their young.  We are going to spend the whole day together he and I. Tonight, he goes away, but with a promise of a morning return. Oh how much I need him!

1190

Your listening to 1190, KEX, Home of Rush Limbaugh. and  Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Your one stop stop for traffic/news/weather together. Brining you the best, when you need to hear it.

I feel hot. But the cold can of Mt. Dew between my legs is numbing my thighs. I smell sour cream and onion ruffles. I want  to ask if I will be getting a “youllsee” today.I am sitting in the front seat! After all, a truck only has one seat.  My seatbelt is sticky and there are sunflower seeds stuck to my salt water sandals. My fingers are fiddling with some pocket knife that I can open but not close.

I am with my Daddy. We are running errunds. Checking on a job site. And stopping at the grocery store to pick up more than the needed items. And its wonderful.

I listen to KEX now in the afternoons to check my traffic/news and weather together … And I think I am still that little girl. I am still sitting in the front seat and wondering if I will get myself a “youll see.”  Its just a little different. Thank you KEX. And, Thank you Daddy.

#6

I finished the Anne of Green Gables Series. It took me about a year and a half, because I had to slowly track down and purchase the series book by book, I own all but one – I borrowed that one from Harmony. I even read the pre-quil, written by L.M. Montgomerys Grandson. And I read the Last book, The Road to Yesterday. The last book is not always included in series because it does not focus on the main characters but rather others from the Community.

My favorite of the books was #4, Anne of Windy Poplars. Montgomery wrote this book 20 years after she finished the series because her readers wanted more detail. It is a book of letters between Anne and Gilbert from the 3 years they were apart before marriage. This book, more than the others really focuses on their characters. After this book, Gilberts Character all but disappears.

I am glad to have read the series so spread out, it helped me not get caught up in the unreality of it. Because no mom, Anne is not real. :) I deeply appreciate this series and feel that every girl should read it.

My conclusions :

Having the middle name Anne is pretty cool.

Some day I want to name my son Blythe.

The cookbook with recipes from the book is really cool. (Thanks Sarah!)

The movies are really true to the works.

Oh, and I didn’t tell you the best part! Did you know that Anne and I share the same Birthday? March 5. I knew we were Kindred Spirits! After I read this and screamed, I called my mom and told her the coolest thing ever happened! Her response? “Honey, cooler things will come.” Yes mom, cooler things will come, but this one is pretty cool.

Summer, where for art thou?

Happy First Day of Summer. You know, Summer. A.K.A – A time when it is hot, the months between June and September. Sunshine, skirts and ice cream trucks. Swimming pools, bike riding and cold pasta salads. Well, here in the grand old North West we have experienced all of the above minus the sunshine and the heat. I heard that Portland Parks and Rec opened the public swimming pools today and despite the 62 degree overcast day, they were filled. I wear skirts – with leggings. I hear the ice cream truck roll drearily by. I ride my bike through puddles and eat cold pasta salad – inside.

I heard on the radio last week that we were to the point where even the die hard, rain loving Oregonians were allowed to be a little upset. Let me tell you, this brought me great relief. I have felt that my utter devotion and optimism to year round rain had to continue, but now I have an excuse! Did you know that on June 2 we surpassed the normal rainfall for May and June Combined? We set a new record. Every day since then we have just been adding to it.

Today was also he longest day of the year; they start getting shorter from here. That makes me sad. As I was driving over the Markum bridge tonight, looking west I saw a sliver of blue, of light. “Well, there is my longest day.” Other than that sliver, they sky was grey and filled with soggy clouds.

I remember being little and being so totally mesmerized with the longest day of the year, the first day of summer. I would wear shorts no matter the temperature. Yes Mom, I wore Capri’s today – I just couldn’t bring myself to do Jeans. But I remember one year on Wood Wind when my mom said I could stay up and play outside until it was dark – on the longest day of the year! It was so exciting. I ran around as Matthew and the other cold-a-sac boys played basketball with their shirts off. (that itself is an entirely different blog about why I was so frustrated that they could be shirtless and I could not! I mean hey, I was like 4.) We didn't go inside until close to 11 that night, you know, when the last sliver of blue disappeared.

Well, Summer, I know you are out the somewhere. I think you are Colorado. Please come, and then disappear when school starts, because it is so dreadfully hot in the dorms when it is 90 degrees … but I wont complain if you stay. Just come.

What I am … not.

You know those people who like to be in the middle of the group? The center of the crowd? I don’t really like those people very much. But, I find that very often I am that person. Proverbs talks about the gentle and quiet spirit of a woman. I really enjoy being that woman more, you know?

My Field

You might recall this post, about my field. Well, like two weeks ago I decided to go to it. And there was a house. In my field. The construction crew were out there, pounding away. In my field. I want to run to them and scream and tell them that they were building in my field, trespassing on my land. But that was not so. I had to let them build that house right there in  my field. The kitchen was atop my little hill. With windows overlooking my railroad tracks and wheat fields and endless skies. But, it really wasn’t mine.

Today, I found a new field. It almost equals my other field. but this field runs under the power lines and is in a preserved area, I don’t think there is much chance of a house being build here. Thank you God, for my field.

Facebooks Eye

In the movie Eagle Eye, there was this one mega computer that controlled and knew of every electronic communication devise. It could had hundreds of thousands of sensors that could communicate with or track people down through anything, billboards, cell phones and public computers. It was super creepy because the military created it to help monitor, but it ended up taking over!

Now to my point. This morning I was on CNN, seeing that it is my homepage, and all of a sudden it tells me of some video that Nick Mucci likes. On CNN. Granted, the video was pretty cool. But why did CNN tell me about something he liked? What if I didn’t to know? Is that an option? NO!

Then like 10 minutes later my Pandora told me that Sally DeBous like the artist I was listening to. At first I thought, “that’s cool.” Then I thought, “Why does Pandora know that???” Again, another website using my facebook friends and telling me things about them when I am not on facebook! Did you know that you can listen to your friends playlists from your Pandora without them knowing? Yeah, creepy.

Now, when I am on Facebook, I expect to hear things about people, to discover their likes and dislikes, but when I don’t want to know, I don’t go on it. But now I am finding out, that I will find out whether I want to or not! Whether I go on facebook or not! Now, I like people. But I am kinda weirded out by all this. I mean, there is a point where even an extreme extravert wants to not know things about other people! Is the Eagle Eye taking over? Hmmm.

Peanut butter and Banana Quesadilla

With honey and Cinnamon. Mmmmmm.

Smoke

This is a picture of Bangkok a week ago in the Midst of the Bombings.
This is a picture of Bangkok a year ago, during a storm.

Once city. Two different types of Smoke. Oh how much more I favor the latter of the two. How my heart breaks at the protests happening in the middle of the marvelous city that I miss so much.

Thrusting.

I sat and read this and had to blog it. I know it is identical to this post called Coming, but it just is. I ususally skip verses when people write them out, and I didn't want to post it in my facebook status ... but its been over a month and I cant stop thinking and talking about it. I don't normally like the message, but I was reading Sharell's Bible today, and I loved the way it was phrased...

"When my heart whispered, 'Seek God,' my whole being replied, 'I'm seeking Him!' ( Psalm 27:8)

Every other version says "my heart responds." Being a Theology Major, I am not here to argue Translations ... but I really like that it says the whole being replies. How do we get our whole being to reply? Its not just words. We must act upon the seeking and the urging. We can not just respond verbally, but we must be physically trusted forward into the seeking of the Lord.!

#17

Tonight I finished my blanket! I have not worked on it for about two weeks, I was waiting for this last week of school. During needle club this afternoon, Addy showed my how to make a boarder, so I sat for a good two hours, long after the club had broken up so I could finish. I needed to take Angela to work, so I made Katie drive and I finished my last row in my car … I was so excited. I really didn’t think I was going to accomplish this one people. Its big and cozy and everyone wants one, but this first one is for me.

Next I am going to make a circle blanket … doesn’t that sound cool? I mean, seriously … who has a circle blanket?

The colors are Grey, Green and Purple, you cant really tell its purple though.

See how big it is? Fits on my bed, and it kinda matches!

#10

While in California we went to the Beach. It was so cold! Harmony opted not to bring any sweatshirts, because if it was cold enough to need sweatshirts, then we were not staying. Well, we found sweatshirts for the boys once we got there … but Harmony and I did not have any … and the boys wondered why we were leaving so soon!

I ran down to the waves, I touched them with my feet. They were crashing and large and dangerous looking. I don’t think I have ever seen such waves. I did not get in them. But seeing as I don’t think I will make it down to California again this year, I will have to say it counts. I didn’t swim in them, but I touched them… and that is good enough for me … unless I get to go back and actually swim … then I will make a new post.

Santa Rosa.

Two weeks ago I flew down to California to spend time with my Sister and her Family, have I told you what a delight those kids are? Solomon, Benjamin and Ellenor, you make a very proud Aunt! One day Harmony went to take a nap, I opted to take the boys to the park.

Solomon: Mama, I think I would like to show Auntie Heather the rose garden, and maybe we could bring some books and lay quietly in the grass.

Mama: Well Solomon, you would have to ask Auntie Heather.

Me:Solomon, I would LOVE to take you to a rose garden and lay in the grass and read books with you! Benjamin, would you like that?

Benjamin: Yes … if we could have a snack too.

And so we went and smelled the roses. And read books about horses. And laid in the grass. And ate a snack. And had a delightful two hours. How many 4 and 5 year old boys do you know that would enjoy such and adventure?

And Ellenor … she calls me Eegers. We are friends again, before she would call me Grandma when on the phone … now she knows who I am … perhaps my status of favorite Aunt is returning?

Oh Enter in

Oh Prostitute there you are walking, I see you but I’m not gawking.

On the street your hearts in pain, I wonder if you feel like a crimson stain. Do you know that Jesus can wash you clean again?

Why did you give away your gold, price cheaply something that can’t be sold?

That pain and loneliness needs no longer define who you are, accept your  identity in him and come on out of that bar.

Oh Prostitute there you are walking, I see you but I'm not gawking.

Daughter of Zion, see his arms open wide, run into the embrace, you no longer need to hide.

That fear in your eyes, its from believing lies … but do you know the one who hears all your cries?

Enter into his courts with thanksgiving,  enter his courts and experience holy living.

Oh Prostitute there you are walking, I see you but I’m not gawking.

Coming

"My heart has heard you say 'Come and talk with me."
And my heart responds, "Lord I am coming." - Psalm 27:8

This verse has been stuck in my head for weeks now. When I sat down tonight determined to blog, its all I could think about. So, instead of this, I am going to that.

Mine.

Today, I miss this field.

Ode to Sharell

Today Sharell moved to Idaho. Now, I know she will be back in like three weeks to go on vacation with her family. And that I will see her this summer, and that we will talk probably more than we do now… but for some reason, it is really hard that she moved. I mean, we were always going to live together, we would be perfect roommates you know.

I said goodbye to her today at the Starbucks by mall 205. I wrote on her car: “I love you” and “Idaho or BUST".” I think she liked it.

She is going to pursue all she has strived after. To be an adult, to be on her own, to take over the world. And she will. She has her nice new car, and some money in savings. And a boyfriend who she says is a man … so I trust her. Clayton, you are with a very worthy woman.

If you don’t know my little sister, you wont understand when I tell you about her role in my life. How our friendship is physical and face to face and intense and legit. You wouldn’t know how brave she is, and the strong woman she is for pushing through all the crap life has brought at her. And she still has joy and purpose and drive.

I know I left first, and that really I haven't been around, but its going to be weird you not being here Sharell. I think I might just fast Muchos Grascious all together. A little chuck of me melted today to see you “all grown up.” Though I know in my heart that the majority of our lives will probably be spent apart. Know that I love you, in such a way that I love no one else.

Love, your big sister.

#12

Tonight we finished our game. Its been 16 months, I’ll admit, we thought it would take longer. It was Christmas break 2008, and Heather got snowed in at my house. In order to escape boredom we started a two person game of rummy … playing to 10,000. If you don’t know, an average hand of rummy gets each person about 100 points … so you can see how many games we have had to play. Pretty much every time we have seen each other in the past year and half we have played, even if it just for like 15 minutes. It’s been what we did!

About a month ago I realized that we needed something to play for. So we created this: If I won, Heather had to make me any dinner I wanted and get me a shirt that declared my winning. If Heather won, I have to go on any hike she wants for a weekend campout.

Heather won. I played “We are the Champion's” and she did a happy dance. She told me I need to start working out cause we are going hiking soon. I am a little scared. But then, I realized that an overnight hiking trip is on my list too, #9.

Final score? 10,100 to 9,825. Now that we are done … what are we going to do when we are together? Well … we are looking at starting a new game … just not rummy. Oh, and I plan on winning this time.

Thailand

I miss Thailand. This time last year ... I was there. Laying on the beach. Tan. Drinking coconut milkshakes from a restaurant called Charlie Browns. Taking Zoe for $.30 7/11 Slurpees. Walking the markets. Being refreshed by air conditioning. Eating noodles and rice and skewers with my fingers. Mastering chop sticks. Being shuttled by taxi and tuk tuk and motorcycle boys. I miss the egg boy in the mornings at Narateewa, and the view of hazy city when I would wake up in the mornings. The flash storms. The smell of spices and heat and people. I miss not having to spend a bunch of time on my outfits for the day. Trying to figure out menu's and signs in a language other than my own. Wandering in the city, trying to get lost. I miss six dollar massages. Wine on the airplane and sunsets that blow everything out of the water. Bowing to everybody and the genuine smiles the protruded from strangers. Shrines to foreign gods in front of every single door - and being constantly reminded to pray for a nation and people lost in the darkness of the absence of truth. I miss feeling safe, even though I probably shouldn't have been.

When I was there, I said I wanted to stay forever. By the end, I decided that I didn't based upon the heat being too intense and my lack of interest in such a huge city or living on a beach. The farther away I get from there, the more I want to go back. I need to go back. Of the 13 Countries I have been to outside of America, it is the only one I think about daily, the only one I could see myself going back to.

I splurged tonight to buy myself Thai dinner on the urging of Jerren. It was a disappointment. I should have paid like a dollar more to get the Pine Apple Fried Rice. Now, I sit with a cup of hot Thai Chai and am happy ... but still dreaming of that wonderful land...

Oh to be Rescued

I went hiking with Heather last week. On the way out of the .5 mi hike, I realized that the key I had so delicately placed in my small camel pack pocket was indeed the wrong key. I got a bit excited about how AAA would come to rescue me! Heather was a little nervous. When I called my parents and left a message about how I needed the account information because my wallet was also inside the car, my mom left another message on my phone that said the following ... "Heard that you called AAA, sounds like a good story, call us and fill us in!"

Heather thought it was hilarious that my parents were not worried, they just wanted a good story.

Today I went to Bi-Partisan Cafe to get Internet since the schools has been down for two days. Right as I was preparing to leave, I realized I locked my keys in the Car. Cortni came to rescue me! She dropped the keys and zipped off to her 11am. I jumped in the car to make it to my 11am ... and found the battery dead. I had left the keys in the ignition. AAA came again. I missed my class, but I was rescued.

This rescuer was a nice guy, though he had stash and three missing front teeth. I told him how I appreciated being rescued. I just laughed again today, how do I do it? I don't know ... but I do know that I love being rescued. Thank you Daddy for AAA and one of the best and most used investments in my life!

Glory

After a night in Bend with the Potters, I drove back to Portland on 26, by way of Madras and Mt. Hood. On my way I took a stop off at Smith Rock. I sat and watched the rock climbers and hikers. It was 65 degrees and sunny.

#5

My Parents went to California this week to visit Harmony. They Rented a car for their trip. I drove the car around the block before they left. :)

Sarcasm

This week I am attempting to use no sarcasm. I find I use it too much, too often. I use it when I am uncomfortable, to make others feel at ease, or to lighten a tense situation. I use it to cover being negative, so that I can say "See, I am being positive!" When really, my heart is not. I use it as a natural response to compliments, perhaps I don't know how to receive them very well. It seems to be so much of a part of my conversation that I cant decider it from my normal speech.

So, this week I am trying to stop all of it, to make myself more aware of it. I want to see what I say, and when ... and why. I am letting people know so that they can hold me accountable, see if you can catch me! This might mean I need to not talk at some points ... but that is OK with me, I want my speech to reflect the Lord, and if it doesn't, then I don't need to talk.

As Thumper's Dad said in Bambi "if you don't got nothing nice to say then don't say nothing at all."

"May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart, be pleasing to you O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. " -Psalm 19:14

Want to know the funny part? This week in my Bible Study Methods class we are studying and learning about Irony. HA!

#7

I completed the first of my goals for the year, the day after my birthday. I got my nose pierced. I don't have any good pictures though. Many people have told me before that I should get it done, but I didn't want to cause I thought it would be a bother with snot! Well, it is really cute, but a little annoying ... but much to my surprise, it is no problem to blow my nose... especially after soaking it in salt water!

21 things I will do during my 21st year

1. Read the Bible through twice
2. Go Skydiving
3. Drive to Canada
4. Hit 150,000 miles in my car
5. Drive a rental car
6. Finish the Anne of Green Gables Series
7. Get a new piercing
8. Make Beef Bourguignon
9. Go on an overnight backpacking hiking trip!
10. Swim in the Californinan Ocean
11. Finish restoring my trunk
12. Win my ongoing rummy game with Heather
13. Make the aprin I have material for
14. Make capri-sun purses with the capri suns I have
15. Purchase an ipod
16. Learn how to knit
17. Crochet a blanket
18. Crochet 200 hats
19. Go Cow tipping
20. Teach Angela to drive
21. Go wine tasting

Tangerine

A man stood throwing presumably stale bread to the seagulls. I called out, “would you like some oranges?”

“Sure would!” He responded.

As my hands passed the small orange parcels out the window he commented,

“These are Tangerines Darling… Thank you!”  (he was right! Geesh, I should learn my fruit!)

He put down his sign which read “I need everything.” And peeled his “tangerines.” I drove away. Happy that both the birds and Man had an afternoon snack.

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Oh Varmonious Day!

I was scapoomping down the charsay on a varmonious neon day.
I thunkered upon a scarshwog and punkered up what to say...

"Farvo! Mr. Scarshwog, nis you see the varmonious day?"
"Rey!Rey!" The wog replied, and boped barring away.

Sumbered by his exut, I winued farther on,
with the neon slobbering my face and Mr. Scarshwog newly gone.

A plink fell from above and dashed my dainty crown.
"Gerrar! Gerrar!" And I slushed quickly around ...

A moger in a snee harled with glee and raised another plink towards me.

"Nay! Mr. Moger, tis my charsay
you can not spake my varmonious day!"

Con the neon slobbering on my face and the charsay beneath my digits,
I raised my crown towards the neon and set off towards the limering higits...

Presence of the Lord

Sharell and I were driving home from a late night beach trip discussing the wonders and grace of God. How is it that we are where we are? That we grew up following and loving Jesus and still do. So many people are not following what they once were. Why us? It is by the grace of God. By praying parents. By a church that laid hands. By youth pastors wives and teachers who looked us in the eyes and told us we were going to make it.

Sharell said she never gave up because she knows there is just something more, something better. In every instance she has been so close to just throwing in the towel, she has been too curious as to what the Lord has in store for her.

I’ve never given up because I’ve never been outside of the presence of the Lord. I don’t know anything other than him. At times the world has looked appealing and depression has called my name … but I was too fearful to step outside the bounds of his presence. “Where can I go to flee from your presence?… even in the depths of the sea you are there …”

Gone are my fears of sharing my testimony. My testimony is my story, and my story is that of the presence of the Lord. I want to share it and continue in it and revel in it.

I am 20 and I don’t have very many answers. Many factors show that I should not be where I am. But I am here. And in the presence of the Lord I will stay.

Persecution

I use to wonder upon Persecution. Of limb-stretching's, tongue slashings, and mind warping’s. Of the hero’s who stood strong like Daniel and Stephen and Paul. We pray for the persecuted church. We pray for those persecuted. Oh to be persecuted! Of course I would stand strong to the face of my killer! I would not degrade the name of my Lord! … Or Would I? Peter did. Am I any different?

I’ve heard that the Chinese leaders don’t want the American Church to pray against persecution, but for the Christians to withstand the persecution. They believe that the persecution strengthens the faith of the believers and helps sift the true believers from those putting on a face. Without persecution, the American church is full of fakers.

So, what is this persecution? I once had a goal to be persecuted … I don’t know if this is something to be achieved, its not really a goal of mine anymore. John writes the words of Jesus telling us that when we are hated, it is not us that the world hates, but Him. I am beginning to wonder if hate is persecution.

There are people who don’t like me very much. Perhaps they hate me. I suppose they are convicted by me, or my lifestyle … and it hurts. But I am coming to realize it is not me they hate, it is Christ in me. I cant take offense to the immaturity. I would rather have Christ and life, then not have Christ and be made right with every person.

Perhaps this hating is persecution. I know it doesn’t compare to the stories we read about of Christians in Communist countries, but perhaps it is all linked. We are all hated for Christ.

The Best Present Ever Received.

I've collected thimble for the past 12 years. I started collecting when I was in the 3rd Grade. My teacher Mrs. Owens collected spoons, and as I began looking for spoons to fulfill her collection, I happened upon thimbles. Around the time of discovering them, I met someone else who collected them ... I just don't remember who that was. Well, after some sort of deliberation, I announced to my parents that I was going to begin collecting. I am sure they had a most positive response while thinking to themselves "OK, but this wont last." Oh but you were wrong!

Although I don't remember my first thimble I remember one of the first. My brothers friend Ryan Welty purchased me one on his high school band trip to Germany. It had a picture of a castle on it and instead of the boring white porcelain that normally encumbrances the fingertips sized cup, it was metal and covered with vines - and gorgeous! I knew then that I had to keep up my collection.

Well, I accumulated a lot of these. More friends would gather them during trips, I eventually filled up a thimble case, then another. It was at this point that I received the best gift I think I have ever received. Over a year ago I was antique shopping with Heather as we love to do and I found this old letter type drawer, I told Heather it would make the coolest thimble case!
Well, as best friends do, she remembered the really important random comment I threw out. This Christmas, Heather, her dad (and well, her whole family) worked on converting an antique type letter drawer into a full pledged thimble case for me! It looks exactly like this, except plexi-glass and hooks were added...

Tonight Heather was wonderful and patient and loving as I sat and updated the little slips of paper inside each thimble of the time and place where each was bought. She acted as if she really cared when I told her stories and prices and useless information. She even allowed me to dump all the thimbles out of the case after I was nearing the end (also note that it was her idea in the first place that I rejected) and let me re-organize them according to location.

Well, I have the most awesome thimble case in the entire world and it looks amazing in my non-bedroom. If I ever need another case... I know where to look. Oh, and did I tell you I counted them? 201 thimbles. That's a lot... how many will I have when I die... what does one do with a random collection of such monstrous size upon someones death? I think I need to stop this blog.

"Pink Mist" - An anthropological Report of Multnomah University

The following was co-written by Sarah Jones and Myself during a Video day of our Cultural Anthropology Class. The red was written by myself and the green was written by Sarah.

Once their was a Multnomah Student named Heather Sarah. Or Sarah Heather. Because the two names are equivalent and half of the girls at Multnomah are either named Sarah or Heather. With such superior names, this girl felt that she had a pretty good understanding on Multnomah Culture. First of all, she decided it was most necessary for a book to be written so that teh outside world might better understand the sub-culture living off Glisan Street. A publisher caught wind of the case study book while the girl was at lunch.

Since the JCA is the hub of much of Multnomah culture, the publisher decided to join the girl for a meal so that he could witness some of the anthropological phenomenons the girl had spoken of. They were not disappointed. First, they observed the pressure that students unconsciously felt to groan and complain when seeing the menu on the cafeteria door, whether they were truly disappointed by the food selection or not. it is simply not socially acceptable to be optimistic about Aarmark food. Second was the color of the air ... if looked at close enough, it appeared to be a tinge of pink! This so called "mist" had settled firmly among many a couple, and a little more gently upon others. Just as it was socially unacceptable fore one to be optimistic about Aarmark food, it was also socially unacceptable to be uncomfortable with the settling thick mist.

After an overwhelming amount of culture shock, the publisher turned anthropologist rushed out for a much needed break and debriefing But on their way they were stooped dead in their tracks by the most obvious and awkward result of the pink mist - the infamous DTR benches. Conveniently located within viewing range of either the dorms or JCA, these benches were occupied by couples ( and in some cases, room for Jesus) who were all in obviously serious conversation. Some talked quickly with serious and passionate expressions. Others simply murmured and giggled. Common between all occupied benches, however, were two things: the frequent passerby pretending not to be desperately eavesdropping and the dozen pairs of eyes shamelessly watching each couple from the cover of their rooms.

Overwhelmed by such relational intensity, the anthropologist decided to sit in on a Multnomah Class. The class he happened in upon was non other than Cultural Anthropology by Dr. Martin Alphonse. It was here that the case study was formally presented and was warmly accepted. Full of optimism, the young anthropologist publisher walked to his car parked in the Promised Land. A coat of light petals dropped onto the windshield just as the car rolled over the first speed bump. Happy about the breakthrough in the case study and thinking about the upcoming book, only Sarah Heather noticed the linking of eyes between Mr. Anthropology and the mysterious young converse wearing Multnomah Woman who walked by... Pink Mist Indeed!

The last of the lice

You might notice that I have some ads on my page now, way down towards the bottom. I am hoping to make some money with them there, but seeing as I don't have many visitors, I doubt I will. If they bother or offend you, let me know, cause I don't look at the same page you do.

Today as I jumped on to check out my new blog I glanced at the ads, the first ad up said "Got head lice? Click here for fast results!" Seriously! How creepy is that? I just want all the lice to GO AWAY.

Stillness in the Noise

(I just got my documents back after my computer was restored. This was on my  WindowsLiveWriter from back in October…)

 

Being home when my entire family is there can be a bit overwhelming. Twelve people, five of them under the age of six. It’s crowded and loud and fast-paced. Adults are cut off during the mid of every third sentence by a child reaching, grasping, crying or disobeying. There is clutter covering the floor, dishes tower high with food remnants that are nearing the consistency of plastic. Shoes misplaced, hands are grimy from fruit and pool water, and the laundry spills into the kitchen where too many people are attempting to pass through.

Among the noise and chaos, there is utter, fast-paced joy. It is the touch of a hand on an arm from the passing of rooms. It is the ice breaking, thick air cutting innocence of a toddler’s sudden nakedness. It is a sound mixture of constant laughter, audible book reading, piano key ringing, sighs of relaxation and pan clanging. Yet within the pandemonium, there is a stillness of familiarity and comfort. This is home, it is all of these things, but of them all, it is the incessant atmosphere of love. This is the place I know and want to be most of all.

(this was a little paper I had to write for my English Composition Class and I thought I would share it on here)

Lice Man

If you read my last blog you might have seen a link to a craigslist post of a man looking for lice. Well, it intrigued me so much that I emailed him inquiring if he was a scientist or if he just wanted lice in his own hair. The following is the email I received in reply...

aye , yes I do. I am not a scientist. I want lice in my hair because my hair is falling out and I have mild headaches and I am geting dreadlocks and because I have nightmares. Many years ago I had lice (when I was 9 or 10 years old) and it felt really good to have them and I stopped having nightmares for like a couple of weeks. Lice aren't dangerous and they don't spread disease what's scary is that the products for getting rid of headlice can cause convultions. I have observed that dogs which dont have fleas 'dream' while those who do have fleas dont dream. lice are to humans as fleas are to dogs. I hope this answers some of your questions , I could go on and on. thanks for writing.

Craigslist Cries

I sometimes enjoy scrolling through the general community section on Craigslist. This is just where people write about random free community things. A 22 year old christian man looking for friends and encouragement. Someone lost their head lice and wants more ... live ... will come come pick it out of your head. (you think I am joking? http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/com/1564345786.html I am not) Then there was the group recruiting for a cult. I looked up the definition of a cult, "a particular system of worship" and "a religion considered to be false." Why would you want to advertise for something that is false by definition? Well, at least in the informational part of this one they said they see themselves as a fairly good cult.

I like reading these posts because they give me a glimpse of what is going on in my community. Of what people are interested in. What they are desperate for. What their worldview is. Ways I can better reach out. What a cool ministry to just reach out to all those crying out on Craigslist.

Peters wife?

Matthew chapter 8, Jesus heals Peter's Mother-in-law. Peter had a mother-in-law. That means, Peter was married. Married?

I always thought of the disciples as these young bachelors! No, he was married. Dudes didnt usually marry until they were 30-40, and they only lived to 50-60 ..... so Peter was an olderish man. A married man.

Weird.

Provision

"And he will give you all you need from day to day if you live in him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern."

I know God provides. I trust in him for all things. For food. For gas. For bills. I trust he will provide. But, his provision is hindged upon us making the Kingdom of God our primary concern. Many people trust the Lord to provide, but they are not living for the Kingdom ... I am trying to live for the Kingdom. I want the Kingdom to be my concern, my primary concern. I am not living for me but for him ... at that point he will provide and take care of ALL our needs because we are not living for ourselves.

This sounds like a blessing preaching, its not. I am studying for a Gospels quiz tomorrow and this just stood out. The Kingdom needs to be more of a concern of mine.

Bi-Yearly Joy

Justine and I have an unlikely friendship. We have bi-yearly dinner dates that last at least five hours. When we get together, we talk about everything, mainly how our lives revolve around God, and what he is doing and how we can be more productive about getting where he wants us to be. We connect and find similarities and share our hearts. I wish we lived near each other, but for whatever reason, God thinks this relationships is best for now. All I know is that she is encouraging and a very much needed part of my life.

We met in Sunday School at peoples church when we were like four. We did missionettes with Kirsten. We went to Jamaica. Then she moved churches and we lost contact... until Facebook arrived and we found each other: She was in Germany and I was in Hungary. I lives intercepted again when we both returned home, lost and searching for the next part of our lives. We get together and eat ethnic foods, tonight she introduced me to Sushi. We partake in multiple course meals. We lament on how we wish we were MK's. Tonight we compared ourselves to literary characters. Her being most like Laura Ingles, myself most like Josephine March. We are expressive and loud water gulpers.

I shared with Justine what God really taught me this week, I think he has been trying to teach me for a long time. We have heard that in our weakness we are made strong in him. I hear this and know this and try to accept this. Then I started putting it all together: "The Joy of the LORD is my strength." OK so, when we are weak, God is our strength. The strength comes in the form of his Joy. So our strength is joy. When we are weak, we can be joyful! This makes sense when Paul tells us to rejoice in trials and persecution. It is not fake happiness, it is Joy of the Lord despite our current situation! This is so pivotal! We become weak so often, but if we can have Joy in the Lord in the midst of weakness, we will be strong! I may be weak, but you can not steal my Joy!

Goodnight Justine, Thank you for letting me share this gibberish with you tonight. I loved our moving meal at Sushi, and Coffee House, and Sharri's.

My Party.

I had a party tonight. It was probably the best I have ever thrown. I don't throw magnificent parties, we don't have hoping music or entertainment or even really a set schedule, but we have fun. Its been a long time since my group from high school as gotten together, I really wanted tonight to be special. Marshall was home for two more days before heading back to Florida. Josh was here making sure everyone knew that Mal was his WIFE! Darian came, its been a long time since we have seen each other! Nathan brought Andrea, he was like a new person! He was animated and super social, way to go Andrea!

17 people came tonight. 9/11 of my graduation class, plus some. Its great to see that two and a half years later, we can begin to look past our differences and possibly pursue friendships. These may not be the people I spend the bulk of my time with, but I do love them and want them in my life. I realized yesterday that one of my friendships might be over, but I am glad that I figured it out. I think I have been falsely clinging to the possibility of repeating the past, when I know there is no truth in that.

My sister still likes to have reunions of her old "group." Its not super often, but when it does happen, it is usually good. I mean, we are told "the friendship you have in high school wont last." Well I think there is only some truth to that statement. My closest friendships came out of high school. And of the other friendships, we are not close, but we are still friends, they are still people I would stop in the grocery store to talk to. I mean, we lived community together for 6 years some of us, no wonder we want to continue pursing relationships.

My Favorite places to be

Grammys House.
My Car, driving anywhere.
The I-5 Bridge that crosses downtown Portland, at that one curve where you can see the whole city!
Mars Hill in Athens Greece.
Thailand.
Gov Cup.
The middle of nowhere. Alone.
In the rain.