Here’s Me

I don’t know what stops me from blogging, I think about it often, I put it on many a list – but it never seems fitting to blog simply to check it off a list; though I do so enjoy checking off lists. I was thinking tonight back to many high school nights when I was the “star” of the school play. I loved those nights. I loved performing and having the attention and the affirmation after – but after the performances, I just wanted to leave!

I was thinking about traveling and my day in Amsterdam or 3 days in Bangkok. I loved those days, being around the crowds and masses and un recognizable faces. But I loved more than that my times alone in my room or hotel at night.

Thinking about Camps and conferences and youth group outings and Applebee’s and YWAM and Denny’s and Party’s. I liked them … but I liked them most when they were over and I was alone, or at least in bed and the noise died.

I never noticed it then, but I did notices my “bi-polar” type emotions though I could never narrow them down or pin point triggers. Everybody told me I was extroverted, because I was so outgoing and confident and had so many friends and like to lead things. You don’t go against what people tell you, I mean were talking about the same people who told me I was to be a pastor.

You see, all those years, I was an introvert struggling to be an extrovert. I lovd people with a passion, but didn’t give myself ample alone time. Oh I liked my alone time! My room in high school was a haven. 

This was my space. Perhaps this is why I did not go to bed until 2 am, cause after my whole schedule, I would come in here with candles and music and lights and be alone. I just did not do it purposefully.

Tonight was the school Christmas party – so much fun! But when it was over, I was done. Done being with people. I praise the Lord for allowing me to have my own room this year. I was reading about introverts on Wikipedia just now and it said that they are not necessarily shy people, but people who get energy from being alone. They often like reading, writing, soft music and blogging. Haha, here I am! Well anyways, that’s just what I am thinking about tonight.