A Day at the park with Zoe and Sharell!!!

Zoe loves "Shell". I think she thinks we are married. Whatever her view of marriage is.

We were eating Grass. Yuck.

She wouldnt smile... so I had to make her

Grass sure is intriguing....

Zoe lost in the forest!

A BRIDGE!!!!

Worth

You asked your father to take the cup, he knew you were strong enough to keep it. You had it in you to bear the shame, the consequences that instead bore my name. Were you thinking of me at the insance a kiss was placed on your cheek? Were you really dreaming of the lowly and the meek?When you were led away in the darkness of night, did you see my face? I am sorry that for me you had to be a disgrace. As the whip slashed your back, and you winced in seizing pain... you chose to keep your head high. I read the story and imagine the sceen... but time after time I just cant help from wondering why. Why did you do it for me? You limped to the cross, bloody and weak. You were swollen and weary yet the scorners urged you to leap. I imagine you thought about leaving and letting it all go, that you played with the idea of quitting. But you... you knew you could not. You knew that it had to be his plan, not yours. You knew that you had to do it for this girl. I am valuable enough. Although I am a sinner, a loser, a confused little girl you hung facing the crowd seeing much more. You looked into my life at all the things I could be, you probably closed your eyes and thought of me. Just me. You took the sins of my life and of every other, you bore them upon yourself and simply took it... because of me. With your last breath, I believe that you were thinking of me.
...
I have value because I am HIS. In his infinate wisdom, Christ spent his last days on earth thinking of me. He spent them just as specifically thinking about Sharell, and of my neice Ellanor and President Bush and Hannah Montana. But I dont believe that he saw a "sea of faces", I believed that he visualized me personally... and you. That is how he is. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and that is that.

I can not think less of myself becuase he did not. It does not matter what the world thinks or what other people say... becuase I know that the God of the universe sent his son, to die for me. That is all I need to know.

Birthday Wishes for my Sister

Today is my sisters birthday. I did not call her. I thought of her all day, and all week. How much she means to me. I thought of the crazy birthday parties in the past, the sleepovers I would try to sneak into, easedrop on and try to crash. I thought of the birthday when we were at sunriver, the year at creation and her 21st when she got "non-alchololic alcholol." I thought about how big of a deal Mama made our birthdays and her passion to simply make them the best day ever!

I thought of how I didnt get to give my sister a

birthday hug but how I wanted to. I couldnt see you

today, so here are some crazy pictures not many

have seen. Hope they make you smile seeing a little of me. :)

Harmony, I love you!

p.s. watch your mail box in the next few days/week.... :)

Other Lovers

So I am really tired of the name : Hannah Montana. I am tired of seeing her face and hearing the spoken syllables of her name. I am not jealous of her, I am sad for her.

I am tried of being told that "shes ok" and that "shes not that big of a deal." I am tired of being told that she is not having a negative influence on the next generation. She, herself I believe is not a bad person. I believe that she is who she says she is and that she is trying to be pure and to control herself, but the fact of the matter is that Hollywood plays up even the innocent and makes the ignorant stumble.

I am tired of hearing little girls sing her songs more than Jesus songs. It just breaks my heart because the enemy is using an innocent victom to steal the attention of thousands, to capture the hearts of little girls. These little girls are givng their hearts to other lovers because they dont feel the real lover calling them. She may not be singing about sex or immoral things, but she is becoming an idol without wanting to be.

I am saddned and frusterated. Hopefully.... not the end of the story.

Who and Why?

You are good.

You are good.

You are good.

What are you?

And Who?

You are my forever friend, my companion, my jealous one.

You sing crazy songs about me and wisper winds in my ear.

You are the tree I climb and the one I call mine.

You are the freshness I smell and the silk that I feel.

You are whatever I need you to be.

You are everything to me.

Who are you?

And why?

You are because you are.

You are why I am me.

You can not be questioned because your existance is unquestionable.

Why are you?

And how?

Fulfillment

From where does fulfillment come? It comes from above, from perfection. Fulfillment is the reaching point of satisfaction, the place where a substance can contain no more, the top. Fulfillment is the answering of a question and the breathe of freash air. Perfection is seekable not not nearly attainable.

I seek to be fulfilled and satisfied beyond my most dreamed up imaginations. I seek fulfillment. I think we all do actually, we all want to be fulfilled. But how can we be fullfilled without something in which that desire has a place to be filled? We must first be empy to be filled, like a cup, we must have a limit for it to reach its fulness. So I must be an empty person with a limit to be fulfilled.

How many people walk with broken glasses that are not able to be filled because the item seeking to fulfill is actually crawling out the seems? How many people try to pour in the filling to fast, just to watch it all drain out? Others I think walk only with open hands, holding no cup, they seek to be full, but they hold nothing in which it can fill.

I want to be that cup, but limitless. I want God to fulfill me over and over. I want to be full of him, and I want him to fill me. I will be filled full of him yet never be satisfactorly fulfilled, because I always will desire more.

To be a Christian....

What is it to be a Christian?
To Love the Father with our whole being
To make the Kingdom our main concern
To participate in unhindered praise
To present humble servanthood
To be pure of heart

What it is not....
A show
A game
A club
A "good" program
An entertainment act
Easy
Coplicated

Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. We are not stuck doing pointless rituals, we must now live! John 10:10 (my youth pastor, Chris Hinson's favorite verse) says "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I come to bring life and life more abuldantly." So Christ came to bring life, the thief tries to take that away. I think that is exactly what is happening today amoung christians. The thief is trying to steal th very things we have - our christianity. So many are falling for it. Not only are they falling for fals religions, but for scemes to just not live out their own christianity as well. Western Christianity is falling and so many dont even see it. I want to be whole heartedly what he wants me to be - not what this "christianese" world "says."

Ok with walking

I am 19 and I dont care if I ever get married. I am not psyco or scared or lesbian. I am in love with Yaweh. I am tired of thinking about my future and trying to figure it out. I know what God wants me to do at this present moment, and I am doing it and will continue to do it until he tells me to do something else.

I am learning to trust, and with that comes me giving up the only thing I have to my Father. I trust him with my life, that means I dont care what I do and I am not worried about my future, I am his now, always and forever.

If life is a walk, then I am just going to walk. I am not going to run or stretch my eyes yonder. I just am, and I am ok with that.

Silly Life

Life. Its a silly thing really. We get caught up in emotions and relationships and failure. We focus on happiness and feelings and now... but someday now will be gone, nonexistant. Our happiness will be eternal and our feelings will be stronger than physical. We wont get caught up in anything besides Jesus. We wont worry about relationships besides Jesus. We wont fail.

I just see so much worry and stress about little things that dont matter. When we really step back, even the big things dont matter. One thing matters right now: That we have a relationship with Jesus and that we are drawing others into that present Kingdom. Every single thing outside of that will die. We just need to love Jesus. To love others. To love in general.

I think I understand why Paul says it is better to be single (1 Corinthians 7) , cause then we are simply Kingdom focused. Why it is easier for the poor to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why it is easier when we give our money away, when we dont think about things, when we pray. I think I am beginning to understand the Great Commission in Matthew 28 and the pure simple words of Jesus through all his ministry.

We treat life as such a HUGE deal. And it is I guess, but it is not as they say, it is not all we have. We have eternity, and that is heck of a lot longer than the 80 some years we get on this nasty beautiful earth. I am really beginning to not care what the world says, or what anyone says. I want to and have to do what God asks, that simple.

When I get to heaven it wont matter what books I have read or what food I have tasted. It wont matter how many cool things I have done or even where I have traveled. It even wont matter what I have done in the church or what cool things I have accomplished in the evangelism rhelm. It will only matter what was heartfelt, what drew me closer to Him, what drew others closer to him. It wont matter if I liked every second of what I was doing or if I looked the best or even if I had really cool times with my friends. It just wont matter.

I dont want to let everything go away, or move into the desert and become a John the Baptist type person. I value all I have, but I value the valuable so much more now that I see the true treasure ahead. Everything affects the Kingdom, my friends, my choices, my books. I want them to all be positive influences because my 80 years is not about to be wasted.

The Lord Knows

I am reading a book by one of my favorite Authors, Elisabeth Elliot. It is called Let me be a Woman. Anyways, I will give a book report on it when I finish, for now I just want to quote a story she gives...

"[Gladys Aylward] told of how when she was a child she had two great sorrows. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other, that while her friends were still growing, she stoppoed. She was four feet ten inches tall. But when at last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and loked around at the people to whom he had called her.

Every single one of them' she said 'had black hair. And every single one of them had stopped growing when I did. And I said, 'Lord, You know what you are doing!"

Oh it just made me think about how many of us, myself included, find things about ourselves that we jut dont understand, but all the while the Lord knows just what he is doing!

Paranormal

Tonight I was watching a TV show about Psycic Kids. Ohhhh it made me angry.

All three kids have visions and/or experiences with the paranormal. The counselor people that came to "help" really bothered me, they wanted the kids to experiment more with their "special gifts" so they could learn how to control them and maybe use them to help others. The guy was making me so angry because he was sooooooooo far away from the Bible. He was talking about spirits and energies and almost forcing the kids to feel things. I dont doubt what they feel or see is real, but it is demonic for sure and they werent recgonizing it. It made me angry that the enemy can have such hold on people.

One of the moms was a hard core Christian and telling them that they were experiencing demons, the counselors thought she was wack and said she was the first they had ever experienced. Oh I was proud of her.

There was one comment that really caught me though. The guy was doing and "excercise" with the kids and told them "more of the spirit and less of you." oh gosh i thought, isnt that a biblical principle? hmmmm. It reminded me how close to reality the enemy will take his prey before twisting it, so that they dont see the error.

I am glad that I know the truth about God and that I understand the spirtual rhelm. I am angered that there are such falsehoods going around in my world and that I cant stop all of them, but I hope to be like that mother and stand in the face of adversity.

The early church (part 2)

Acts 4:32-35



"All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not therir own; they shared everything they had. ... There was no poverty among them..."

So the Believers had one goal, they were a team focused on the same thing. They owned nothing themselves, they shared everything. God had favor on them. Everything they owned belonged to God anyway, so they gave it back to him and it just circulated around and around as they kept on giving. I want that giving of a heart. I want Gods favor on me.

For Lavinia...

I decided to simply write a story, something low key to think upon but fun to read:

Today I was at a clothing store and Sharell said something to me (not remembering what) but I yelled scarcastically "Dont Do That!" Well, right as I yelled those words I saw a small girl turn her back and run. I guess that she had just poked her head through a rack of clothes to say "Boo" and try to start a game, but as she did I yelled "Dont do that!" and she thought I was yelling at her... and it made her sad. And it made me sad. I wasnt yelling at her. I wasnt even yelling. Humph.

Ramblings (For Harmony)

you tell them how much i cry? you must be reading books about crocodiles. i like books about crocodiles. it would be sad if they ate us. i am gald i dont live by crocodiles. i wish joshua was nicer to his neighbors (YOU!) but your boys are teaching him to be nice. I did a report on the dinosaurs and if they were in the boat, i couldnt decide. i think that they were but that the climate after the flood did not accomodate to them. i also think that hippos are a type of dinosaur. i like hippos. i am really into them right now. i think they are cute. i had a dream about a baby hippo a few weeks ago and now i really want one. you can go to my mysapce page and see a hippo. why do you have brown hair and i have almost blond? why do only a few of the family members have blue eyes? i am glad i have blue eyes, yes i like them. i dont cry very much now, but i do still enjoy staying up all night. i realy like ice cream even though it isnt good for my muscles. i am not much of a candy fan though. i like the forth of july cause i get to eat lots of food. that isnt very healthy for me either. isnt it funny that we like things that are not healthy? tonight i ate at baja fresh and 3 of us ate more than enough for less than 4 dollars and it made me happy and it was healthy. i was born in oregon and i still live in oregon. i like oregon. it is green. michigan has some green, but not enough. isnt it funny how just before going to bed your mind wanders and covers every topic from A-Z but doesnt let you dwell long enough to figure any of them out?