I give all I am to you
All I hold inside
Everything I am
The things I try to hide
Change me from within
Take my every part
Don't let me stray away
Come and fill my heart
I love all of you, and everything you are.
All the names you have, and how your near, not far.
Please reveal my dusty sins
Make them clear as day
Then open all my doors, keep them open wide
Let me take each on and throw them far away
I love all of you, and everything you are.
The many things you do, and how your near, not far.
I was made to love
and desire just in you
Your love is never ending
and you desire in me too
My love for you is strong
Its not a youthful fling
I only ever long for you
This is why I constantly sing...
I love all of you, and everything you are.
The magnificence of your glory, and how your near, not far.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
12
I remember being 8 and dreaming of the day I was 12. I believed in my heart of hearts that 12 was the perfect age. I wanted to never grow older than the age of 12. Maybe it was around this time that I first watched Peter Pan and my fantasy idea of forever childhood became stuck in my mind. Maybe it was because Aileen Carreaga was 12, or my cousin Amanda Bennett. 12 was that age in between, the perfect mix of child/adult. Amanda had been admitted to the adult table at thanksgiving, but she was still allowed with Aaron and I. There was a new sense of respect when you were 12 because it just sounded old, but not too old, not a teenager. 12 was when you were no longer forced to order off the kids menu - but you could if you wanted to. You were allowed to sample food at Costco without your mom, but you were young enough to still be asked your age by the cute old sample ladies.
I was 12 when I was first allowed to babysit by self, an income! I could stay home alone and was given more responsibilities. I could be regarded as an adult, but excused for acting as a child. I was allowed to play with barbies, and also given freedom in the kitchen (only of the stove top.) I could order off the kids menu sometimes still, and get the discount prices at a few places. It was nice to be in between. When I was 12, I wanted to stay 12 forever. It was all I had waited for the past few years.
Then I turned 13, that was cool cause I was a teenager... but there were days I wanted to be 12. I thought it was cool to no pick up the kids menu... but sometimes I wanted to color it still.
I was 16, and I got my license, and that was so super cool! But there were days that I still just wished I was 12.
Last night I spent a few hours in the Infamous Sharies restaurant with Brittany and we chatted about high school and whether it would be worth it to try to get our class together again, (I think we decided on no.) We discussed friendships and stupid people and annoying relationships. We talked about how annoyingly complicated people make things, and why they couldn't be simple like when we were younger, like when we were 12. We talked on how we feel old (but to all those reading this you will laugh because of how 'young' I am) and how responsibilities breath down our necks. Its cool to own cars, and make our own decisions and not have curfews and to be able to stay at Sharies till 1 in the morning. We looked at the good and the bad. I concluded that some days, I still wish I had stayed 12 forever!
I was 12 when I was first allowed to babysit by self, an income! I could stay home alone and was given more responsibilities. I could be regarded as an adult, but excused for acting as a child. I was allowed to play with barbies, and also given freedom in the kitchen (only of the stove top.) I could order off the kids menu sometimes still, and get the discount prices at a few places. It was nice to be in between. When I was 12, I wanted to stay 12 forever. It was all I had waited for the past few years.
Then I turned 13, that was cool cause I was a teenager... but there were days I wanted to be 12. I thought it was cool to no pick up the kids menu... but sometimes I wanted to color it still.
I was 16, and I got my license, and that was so super cool! But there were days that I still just wished I was 12.
Last night I spent a few hours in the Infamous Sharies restaurant with Brittany and we chatted about high school and whether it would be worth it to try to get our class together again, (I think we decided on no.) We discussed friendships and stupid people and annoying relationships. We talked about how annoyingly complicated people make things, and why they couldn't be simple like when we were younger, like when we were 12. We talked on how we feel old (but to all those reading this you will laugh because of how 'young' I am) and how responsibilities breath down our necks. Its cool to own cars, and make our own decisions and not have curfews and to be able to stay at Sharies till 1 in the morning. We looked at the good and the bad. I concluded that some days, I still wish I had stayed 12 forever!
(Hey Harm, did you see that i used the spell check???)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The Fish
I got paid on Wednesday. The check went into my pocket. I got to Sharells house and the check came out of my pocket. I left Sharells house and the check went back into the pocket.
Thursday Afternoon I was on my way to the bank and was getting my money out while at a red light.... I didnt see my check in my wallet or purse. "Where is it I thought?" So I went home. It was not there. I called Sharell, It was not at her house. I went back to my car .... nope. Back to the house. Nope. I got a little aggrivated because I kinda, you know, needed the check. I was anoyed but knew that one of two things would happen: I would not find the check, and have to deal with it, or God will bring it to me.
Friday morning I woke up and immediatly thought of my check.
"God, it would be really cool if you could bring my check to me today."
"Look under your bed."
"What?"
"Look Under your bed."
"Ya, but God, I how would it be under the bed? I didn't even -----"
"How did the coin get in the mouth of the fish? Look under the bed."
So I discontinued my arguing, pushed my warm blankets off and got down on the ground. I reached under my bed (and mind you I don't put things under my bed, I have my suitcases and shoes... but not stuff.... and I hadn't put any bags away in the past 2 days) and moved a bag, under it was the crumpled up check. I just started laughing. How did the coin get into the mouth of the fish? ( Matthew 17:27) Well Just the same way my check got put under my bed... God put it there.
Lets just say it was a really good way to start the day.
Thursday Afternoon I was on my way to the bank and was getting my money out while at a red light.... I didnt see my check in my wallet or purse. "Where is it I thought?" So I went home. It was not there. I called Sharell, It was not at her house. I went back to my car .... nope. Back to the house. Nope. I got a little aggrivated because I kinda, you know, needed the check. I was anoyed but knew that one of two things would happen: I would not find the check, and have to deal with it, or God will bring it to me.
Friday morning I woke up and immediatly thought of my check.
"God, it would be really cool if you could bring my check to me today."
"Look under your bed."
"What?"
"Look Under your bed."
"Ya, but God, I how would it be under the bed? I didn't even -----"
"How did the coin get in the mouth of the fish? Look under the bed."
So I discontinued my arguing, pushed my warm blankets off and got down on the ground. I reached under my bed (and mind you I don't put things under my bed, I have my suitcases and shoes... but not stuff.... and I hadn't put any bags away in the past 2 days) and moved a bag, under it was the crumpled up check. I just started laughing. How did the coin get into the mouth of the fish? ( Matthew 17:27) Well Just the same way my check got put under my bed... God put it there.
Lets just say it was a really good way to start the day.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Gypsies.
A group of people started to walk into our resturant and the employees inside started to freak out. A murmor of wispers and arrows shooting looks were crossing tables and invisable sound barriers....
"Do you see who is coming in?"
"OH my gosh they had better not be coming in here."
"Seriously, do you remember last time they were here?"
"If you seat them in my section I will seriously kill you."
"Its the gypsies, urghhh, their so rude."
"You had better remind them that 15% gertuity IS included and we CANT change it."
"Their so loud."
..........................................
And blah blah blah. I was so tired of hearing the gosip. And it was gosip. They were telling assumptions and spreading them as truth. Through the doors a minute later walked in a large group of gypsies. Not the skirt wearing, tamborine carrying traveling gypsies like out of the old story books, but like the nationality, the group of people based out of Eastern Europe Gypsies... the group of peple I spent 3 months hanging out with last winter.
The little girls were beautiful and I immediatly felt myself drifting back to Bulgaria, where we spent countless days crammed in churches with children whose faces so directly resmebeled those of the girls smiling and laughing in front of me. The women were classy, petite and mission oriented. The husbands were happy, comftorable and domineering. I led them back to their table and talked and joked with them aside from jeering stares from my co-workers.
"I am to inform you that there is a 15% gertuity added onto your bill tonight for having a party of 8 or more." I said dreadedly through smiling gritted teeth.
"Not where I come from," the obvious leader of the group laughingly said to me. I laughed it off, shared a final word with the girls, and walked off to face the gossip once again. I pretty much shut out the story that was lunged upon me about what our resturant "thinks of this group." It was such a bad attitude, it was racist.... I didnt know racisim was so alive still. I didnt get a chance to tell anyone that I hung out with gypsies... and mabye we need to understand a little more of their culture, and maybe we need to extend a hand of graciousness and compassion and willingness to learn. I didnt get the chance, but I should have made one. I hope they come in again. I want to know the origin of their accent, I want to tell people that I dont see them as scum.... I want to know how anyone could think that anyway.... is it just easier to pick on someone? Seriously.
All I know is that the gypsies I have met have changed my life. My weeks in Bulgaria are my fondest of my trip, the hands extended to me during that christmas season weakened me to my knees as I learned how little of hospitality I really understood. I love their simplicity and culture and life.... I was reminded to pray for the missionaries in Greece who have devoted their life to a small group of 42 gypsies who are slowing learning to follow God, to not leave their culture, but to let God chance the bad parts of it. I just..... I just want people to know.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Man
I saw a man this week eating dinner with his wife and another couple. They were all in high spirits and having great conversation. But while everyone cut there steak and shoved their mouths full... he looked at his plate. He was paralyzed from the neck down and had to depend on his wife to fead him. She would take a bite of her food, and he would wait... then she would feed him a bite of his food and their dinner would just continue on. The acts were completed as if it were nothing, as if there was nothing wrong with the man. He was totally dependant upon his wife, and she humbly served him because of her love for him.
It was cool to watch. He had a cool chair, he moved it with his chin. I loved how he was treated like a normal person. He respected and was respected. He wasnt a disabled man, he was a man out to dinner with his wife. He was polite and curteous and joyful. I looked at him and saw Jesus.
He really helped me visualize what we are like with Jesus. We are helpless and paralyzed and completely dependent on him. Sometimes things take a little while longer done his way.... but he is the way the truth and the life... there is no other way. He humble serves us and if we accept his love, we can be full of his joy and not sulk in our insecurities or indificiences of being sinful humans.
It was cool to watch. He had a cool chair, he moved it with his chin. I loved how he was treated like a normal person. He respected and was respected. He wasnt a disabled man, he was a man out to dinner with his wife. He was polite and curteous and joyful. I looked at him and saw Jesus.
He really helped me visualize what we are like with Jesus. We are helpless and paralyzed and completely dependent on him. Sometimes things take a little while longer done his way.... but he is the way the truth and the life... there is no other way. He humble serves us and if we accept his love, we can be full of his joy and not sulk in our insecurities or indificiences of being sinful humans.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
More Leaves
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You remember that silly man that wanted to take my leaves away? Gosh, no way. I RAKE mine. With Heather. :)
Indian of Liberty
So I have never dressed up for Halloween outside of those magnificent church events where I was usually a cowgirl. I dont want to support the "holiday" that must bring so much disgrace to Jesus. I am saddened by my friends who get into the day and the darkness of it, there is always so much prayer surrounding that day. This year I found out that at Outback the employees dress up on Halloween. At first I was a little apprehensive to the idea because I wanted to support it not, but I chnaged my mind towards it. Never again will I be allowed to wear anything outside of uniform startched black and white. If it is true that we dress up I am going to, to have fun. Today I tried on many different outfits these are my two favorites...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Fridge
So the New Fridge was delivered!!!!
They took the old one away.....
And what do you think of the new fridge?????!!!!!!!
The real new fridge did not fit, so the old and new were taken away. Now, two coolers serve as makeshift freezers as most of the other food spoiled. Its just like camping!
Fall in Oregon
These are the leaves I told the men not to take away.
The Before.....
The Before.....And the two weeks later!!!
So he has a bit of an over bite.....
And because our trees are always the ones ushering in the seasons, we peaked as the first in the neighborhood and had our colorful leaves back when the other trees were green. Now that our tree is bare and reading for winter, the treess down the street are full of color!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Canvas Yet Alive
I found this in an old document. I wrote it this past summer right after a magnificent thunder/lightening storm.
A blank canvas starts the night; covering all shadows and hiding the rest. Then your skies shoot light forth through the darkness, it demonstrates your joy. Even in the darkest of storms… your light marvels me.
It strikes un-patterned and at a surprising pace. For as long as you give me breath to breathe… I will choose to wonder. To wonder at your finger paintings of glowing brightness against dark open ended canvases. You swipe new glories for me with unique strokes and intricate dabs of chosen color.
What is a picture without a melody? You sing loud harsh sounds to accompany the dark canvas. Notes that are thick with heavy harmonies. Some fear you, for they recognize not the gentleness of your greatness. I see through you, to you. I see that each glistening shimmer represents a note so similar. It is to the ear just as it is to the eye.
This is the show that you put on for me. A show of joyful expressions.
A blank canvas starts the night; covering all shadows and hiding the rest. Then your skies shoot light forth through the darkness, it demonstrates your joy. Even in the darkest of storms… your light marvels me.
It strikes un-patterned and at a surprising pace. For as long as you give me breath to breathe… I will choose to wonder. To wonder at your finger paintings of glowing brightness against dark open ended canvases. You swipe new glories for me with unique strokes and intricate dabs of chosen color.
What is a picture without a melody? You sing loud harsh sounds to accompany the dark canvas. Notes that are thick with heavy harmonies. Some fear you, for they recognize not the gentleness of your greatness. I see through you, to you. I see that each glistening shimmer represents a note so similar. It is to the ear just as it is to the eye.
This is the show that you put on for me. A show of joyful expressions.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Leaves
I've gotten into the habbit of reading every day, well I usually read, but it reall is a habbit - addicting. I read mostly in the afternoons, when the house is the most quiet, when the leaves are blowing or the rain is falling. I read wrapped in 5 layers of blankets usually drinking chai tea.
Yesterday I started reading the autobiography of Billy Grahm -its 800 and something pages. You would think he would have written a mini series instead. None the less I picked up this book, equal in weight to my bible, and started to read the history and story of a man who has, I suppose, in many ways, affected even my life. It was while I was reading the part of his courtship to Ruth when I heard a quiete rude noise - the "landscapers."
Seriously they just have to come when your reading about Billy and Ruths courtship dont they! Argghhh. I suppose I get frusterated every time they come because it seems they dont do much, they do what we should do. Any ways, I suddenly rememberd my yard full of leaves in the front and jumped to my feet worried that my fall wonderland had dissappeard. Luckily he had just started with his "leaf blower" on part of the sidewalk.
"Excuse me," I said as politly and innocently as I could. "Would it be ok if you didnt take away my leaves?" He had a confused look on his face. So I continued on... "I really like the leaves, I think they are pretty and I would really like it if you could just leave them. I will rake them up later." (Did you catch that I said RAKE not like BLOW?Seriously what happened to raking???)
I think understood what I wanted but probably thought I was crazy. "Ok, um... what do you want me to do with those?" Pointing to the pile of leaves he had already blown off the sidewalk. "Do you want me to put them back?" I laughed, no you dont have to put them back, just leave them alone."
And he did.
I like the leaves. They are pretty. We, as usual, have the only yard in the neighborhood with leaves because we seriously have the only leaf falling tree or something, but anyway, other people need leaves to look at too! And I will RAKE them, and jump in them.
Fall is my favorite of the seasons. It took me 19 years to decide that. But it is and I am not going to let anyone just blow it away.
Yesterday I started reading the autobiography of Billy Grahm -its 800 and something pages. You would think he would have written a mini series instead. None the less I picked up this book, equal in weight to my bible, and started to read the history and story of a man who has, I suppose, in many ways, affected even my life. It was while I was reading the part of his courtship to Ruth when I heard a quiete rude noise - the "landscapers."
Seriously they just have to come when your reading about Billy and Ruths courtship dont they! Argghhh. I suppose I get frusterated every time they come because it seems they dont do much, they do what we should do. Any ways, I suddenly rememberd my yard full of leaves in the front and jumped to my feet worried that my fall wonderland had dissappeard. Luckily he had just started with his "leaf blower" on part of the sidewalk.
"Excuse me," I said as politly and innocently as I could. "Would it be ok if you didnt take away my leaves?" He had a confused look on his face. So I continued on... "I really like the leaves, I think they are pretty and I would really like it if you could just leave them. I will rake them up later." (Did you catch that I said RAKE not like BLOW?Seriously what happened to raking???)
I think understood what I wanted but probably thought I was crazy. "Ok, um... what do you want me to do with those?" Pointing to the pile of leaves he had already blown off the sidewalk. "Do you want me to put them back?" I laughed, no you dont have to put them back, just leave them alone."
And he did.
I like the leaves. They are pretty. We, as usual, have the only yard in the neighborhood with leaves because we seriously have the only leaf falling tree or something, but anyway, other people need leaves to look at too! And I will RAKE them, and jump in them.
Fall is my favorite of the seasons. It took me 19 years to decide that. But it is and I am not going to let anyone just blow it away.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Feed the Sheep
I heard this analagy today...
"The shepherd may lead the sheep to the meadow, but he doesnt tell them which tuff of grass to eat."
God is so closly paralled to a Shepherd in the Bible, how we hear his voice, how he watches over us, how he knows us by name and will protect us and nurture us... but this idea is that though the Shepherd is ultimate love, he does not control. Love is not controling. When the sheep trust the Shepherds leading to the meadow, they are trusting that all the grass within that meadow is safe. Not all of it is... but he is watching and ready to help them up if they fall, but letting them choose what they eat.
Once again... I just thought this was interesting.
"The shepherd may lead the sheep to the meadow, but he doesnt tell them which tuff of grass to eat."
God is so closly paralled to a Shepherd in the Bible, how we hear his voice, how he watches over us, how he knows us by name and will protect us and nurture us... but this idea is that though the Shepherd is ultimate love, he does not control. Love is not controling. When the sheep trust the Shepherds leading to the meadow, they are trusting that all the grass within that meadow is safe. Not all of it is... but he is watching and ready to help them up if they fall, but letting them choose what they eat.
Once again... I just thought this was interesting.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Gods will - Part 1
Ok so I want to share what I have been learning about Gods will... more will come, I am going to study it more this week. But this is what I have been picking up, been thinking about. I am not set on any of this, it is just the ideas and revelations that have been rolling through my typewriter head...
God has a very specific will. The bible lists specific wills for Gods people such as: (1) Salvation, (2) Holy Spirit led life, (3) Sanctification, (4) Thankfulness, (5) Suffering. He actually writes in his word that he wills his chilren these things. I have heard lots of theories over the years and I am not pushing one, but this is what I have been thinking and am open to ideas and change of mind...
We spend so much of our life worrying about figuring our Gods will. My bible teacher use to talk about his friend who actually prayed about what socks to put on in the morning because he believed that God had a will for everything he did. I have also heard that anything we do with good intentions is in Gods will.... I think it is somewhere much more in the middle. I think that God is a little less specific than I have made him to be in my mind. I have been that one searching so hard after that "one thing" and getting frusterated or delayed in awaiting an answer for his will in a certain situation. But I think God wants us to act, to do, not to wait and rot.
If we are doing Gods biblical will, then we are purified in every area, suffering but thankful saved and led by the spirit. If we are doing these things then... I think we have choice. We have a lot more choice than I have let myself believe. This season God has deffinatly been asking me "what do you want?" And I just didnt know how to respond. I always said "I want what you want." And he would repeat, "ok... what do you want?" I got confused and argued much like when Peter was repeatedly told to eat the meat (Acts 10:9-16) Patiently God returned the same answer.
I want what Gods wants,God wants me to know what I want. If I am in his will, then my heart will be beating with his, my dreams will be his and I will know. There are times that he makes things much clearer than others, when he really makes sure he is seen and heard, but for those times that his voice is gentle or absent we need to have a little more trust in the relationship we hold with him.
We are here to delight in God, and for him to delight in what we do; to persue him, to let him persue us. If that is what we are going after then I believe we are in his will, I think. When it comes to making a decision and I dont feel an urging in either direction after much prayer, I feel now it will be easier to make a decision, which one will help me delight in the Lord? Will one of them distract me more?
Just comparing all that to my life, I think God has plans for me, gifts that are only mine, places only I will go, people I will impact, things I will do.... but so much along the way is open for me to delight in him. Jo March in Little Women says "I would have been a great many things." I love that line so much, because it is true. I would have been a great many things. As I look at my list of little girl dreams it spaned from Nurse to Meterologist to Farmer, Politician, Librarian, Framer, Artist, Musician and Clown. I would have been a great all those things. But what I will be the most great at is what I choose to delight myself in the Lord in. For now, that is doing exactly what I am doing. For the future that will include working with kids, being a mama like Harmony, sharing my faith like Matthew, writing, dreaming, talking with people... and all the other wonderful things that will come. Those are the things that I delight in when I do them, that through them I bring delight to God.
I am realizing I dont know Gods will more than most people and though the first week of this topic I thought I had it figured out, I now am more confused than when we started. But I am so in love with the study of it! Gods will for my life is not more special than for my neighbor or the will he has for that person in Hungry or for the greatest Pastor. We are all equal and undeserving of his grace, yet somehow his love is poured out and he keeps holding us when we stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24)
I am learning and seeking and it is good.
God has a very specific will. The bible lists specific wills for Gods people such as: (1) Salvation, (2) Holy Spirit led life, (3) Sanctification, (4) Thankfulness, (5) Suffering. He actually writes in his word that he wills his chilren these things. I have heard lots of theories over the years and I am not pushing one, but this is what I have been thinking and am open to ideas and change of mind...
We spend so much of our life worrying about figuring our Gods will. My bible teacher use to talk about his friend who actually prayed about what socks to put on in the morning because he believed that God had a will for everything he did. I have also heard that anything we do with good intentions is in Gods will.... I think it is somewhere much more in the middle. I think that God is a little less specific than I have made him to be in my mind. I have been that one searching so hard after that "one thing" and getting frusterated or delayed in awaiting an answer for his will in a certain situation. But I think God wants us to act, to do, not to wait and rot.
If we are doing Gods biblical will, then we are purified in every area, suffering but thankful saved and led by the spirit. If we are doing these things then... I think we have choice. We have a lot more choice than I have let myself believe. This season God has deffinatly been asking me "what do you want?" And I just didnt know how to respond. I always said "I want what you want." And he would repeat, "ok... what do you want?" I got confused and argued much like when Peter was repeatedly told to eat the meat (Acts 10:9-16) Patiently God returned the same answer.
I want what Gods wants,God wants me to know what I want. If I am in his will, then my heart will be beating with his, my dreams will be his and I will know. There are times that he makes things much clearer than others, when he really makes sure he is seen and heard, but for those times that his voice is gentle or absent we need to have a little more trust in the relationship we hold with him.
We are here to delight in God, and for him to delight in what we do; to persue him, to let him persue us. If that is what we are going after then I believe we are in his will, I think. When it comes to making a decision and I dont feel an urging in either direction after much prayer, I feel now it will be easier to make a decision, which one will help me delight in the Lord? Will one of them distract me more?
Just comparing all that to my life, I think God has plans for me, gifts that are only mine, places only I will go, people I will impact, things I will do.... but so much along the way is open for me to delight in him. Jo March in Little Women says "I would have been a great many things." I love that line so much, because it is true. I would have been a great many things. As I look at my list of little girl dreams it spaned from Nurse to Meterologist to Farmer, Politician, Librarian, Framer, Artist, Musician and Clown. I would have been a great all those things. But what I will be the most great at is what I choose to delight myself in the Lord in. For now, that is doing exactly what I am doing. For the future that will include working with kids, being a mama like Harmony, sharing my faith like Matthew, writing, dreaming, talking with people... and all the other wonderful things that will come. Those are the things that I delight in when I do them, that through them I bring delight to God.
I am realizing I dont know Gods will more than most people and though the first week of this topic I thought I had it figured out, I now am more confused than when we started. But I am so in love with the study of it! Gods will for my life is not more special than for my neighbor or the will he has for that person in Hungry or for the greatest Pastor. We are all equal and undeserving of his grace, yet somehow his love is poured out and he keeps holding us when we stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24)
I am learning and seeking and it is good.
Vulnerability
A few weeks ago I started going to a small group at Salem Alliance, its been realy amazing.
It is the first group that feels simply real. Real to the core. Its not showy or clicky or even churchy. It just is. The couple that are leading it are really in love with Jesus. Matt and Susan have stories that I cant wait to unfold! They are simply seeking life as are we. They spent 13 years preparing to be missionaries in France with there 3 girls but find themselves in Salem, where he grew up, leading a college small group. They are just seeking.
For 4 weeks we have been discusing Gods Will. My life perspective is changing. First off I love this group because it gets me to think deep, but that good kind of deep thinking, the healthy kind. And I loved that the first week he asked a question I didnt know the answer to! I got so excited! What a weirdo right? It means there is room to grow! Not knowing the answer means that an answer needs to be found! It means that study is involved and my brain just jumped on board!
I like that real questions are asked. Its like sensative subjects almost force chosen vulnerability. I love talking about things, but am not always the best at figuring out how to start it. I walked in today and Susan asked Heather and I where we were going to chuch, we said we were kinda looking. Rather than giving the expeced response of "oh" (that "oh" followed by an interesting facial expression that implys more than the listener really intended to imply) she asked "So what have you noticed at these churches? What is the same with them?" I was really taken back because the question was so unexpected, she really cared and was interested. I talked about how worship was the same at most places. The worship teams were good, the song choices were good - but the response from the audiance was quite ususally bland. Anyways, her simple question got 6 of us talking about worship for like 30 minutes. Then when Matt came in he asked 2 more questions : (1) If you could do one thing in life what would it be and, (2) what is the worst mistake you have ever made. It was just cool, cause he expected answers. So people answered. And when the day was started with vulnerability, we were able to carry that into our days conversation, that vulnerability. Its good.
It is the first group that feels simply real. Real to the core. Its not showy or clicky or even churchy. It just is. The couple that are leading it are really in love with Jesus. Matt and Susan have stories that I cant wait to unfold! They are simply seeking life as are we. They spent 13 years preparing to be missionaries in France with there 3 girls but find themselves in Salem, where he grew up, leading a college small group. They are just seeking.
For 4 weeks we have been discusing Gods Will. My life perspective is changing. First off I love this group because it gets me to think deep, but that good kind of deep thinking, the healthy kind. And I loved that the first week he asked a question I didnt know the answer to! I got so excited! What a weirdo right? It means there is room to grow! Not knowing the answer means that an answer needs to be found! It means that study is involved and my brain just jumped on board!
I like that real questions are asked. Its like sensative subjects almost force chosen vulnerability. I love talking about things, but am not always the best at figuring out how to start it. I walked in today and Susan asked Heather and I where we were going to chuch, we said we were kinda looking. Rather than giving the expeced response of "oh" (that "oh" followed by an interesting facial expression that implys more than the listener really intended to imply) she asked "So what have you noticed at these churches? What is the same with them?" I was really taken back because the question was so unexpected, she really cared and was interested. I talked about how worship was the same at most places. The worship teams were good, the song choices were good - but the response from the audiance was quite ususally bland. Anyways, her simple question got 6 of us talking about worship for like 30 minutes. Then when Matt came in he asked 2 more questions : (1) If you could do one thing in life what would it be and, (2) what is the worst mistake you have ever made. It was just cool, cause he expected answers. So people answered. And when the day was started with vulnerability, we were able to carry that into our days conversation, that vulnerability. Its good.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
SYATP - part 3
Ok so after the day I went to coffee with my group of friends and it was jus really nice. We were sitting around sipping chai and hot chocolate and discusing the falling maturity of our generation. Things dont apply to us anymore because we are beyond them. We are further than the youth pastors expect us to be, we are at a deeper level then everybody else...
But we concluded that we are not necessarily stronger than the other students, we are merely where we should be and they are far behind eating from the hands of bottle feeding pastors. That sounds so terribly dis-respectful from my side, and I dont necessarily intend it to be, but we reached a sad reality that so few are where they should be with God. I mean, my group of 7, we are striving after God and are much deeper than so many others - but we have so far to go to be where we need to be.... how far away does that make everyone else?
I was really shown the importance of equal leveled fellowship, our souls thrive for it. Even though some of the party were ready to head home for the night... we stayed and talked of Gods goodness... because he is good. We shared of things he is teaching us and training us and of where we need to be. It was just nice because it doesnt happen as often as it should.
But we concluded that we are not necessarily stronger than the other students, we are merely where we should be and they are far behind eating from the hands of bottle feeding pastors. That sounds so terribly dis-respectful from my side, and I dont necessarily intend it to be, but we reached a sad reality that so few are where they should be with God. I mean, my group of 7, we are striving after God and are much deeper than so many others - but we have so far to go to be where we need to be.... how far away does that make everyone else?
I was really shown the importance of equal leveled fellowship, our souls thrive for it. Even though some of the party were ready to head home for the night... we stayed and talked of Gods goodness... because he is good. We shared of things he is teaching us and training us and of where we need to be. It was just nice because it doesnt happen as often as it should.
Dear Lavinia - SYATP part 2
I was thinking about you tonight, it was good stuff and so I thought I would share....
I know you are romanian and that some of the amazing american things I write on hear sound apealing, and if I described to you in outside words the service I was at tonight, you would want to come and attend it with me during the trip when you will come visit me. But after tonight... I hope I never have to take you to a christian service here.
I cant desribe to you the Christian social attitude that has been adapted by teenagers, by youth pastors. It all sounds good cause it is suppose to. It is meant to be appealing, but where is the meat? The preaching was sound... but simple, low. Students were disrespectful and disgraceful. I was embarrassed and shamed. I cant believe this is my society.
I hope you dont have to see the "christian crowd" of young people who look cute and have matching hair, tight jeans and skull t-shirts cause they are "hard core" for Jesus. The crowd that thinks it is cool to be part of a christian club or something. The crowd that takes the name I revere so intimatly and slauter it to my peers.
Mind you that not all christians are this way, not all services are bad, not all christians look alike. I have a negative biased opinion tonight and wanted to express it to you because I was thinking about you.
What we have is programs. What you have, what I loved so much about Romania, is life. There are pros and cons to each, tonight I saw a con.
SYATP
Today was See-You-At-The-Pole... it made me pretty angry. I always start these days excited, but end somewhat discouraged. Lauren Barker and I (both alumni) met with Sharell Zier and a random youth pastor at my past high schools flag pole this morning at 7 am. We had a good time of worship and fellowship.... I just wonder why no one else could come. I didnt need the support, but I know God sure would have loved the praise. For being a Christian school... I thought that more than one student would show.
Its not like the day was forgotten, students knew. Even as they began to arrive at school, they walked past, talking loudly.... none joining. I got really annoyed. "The Nerve!" I guess we, they take prayer for granted. We can do it all the time. They pray in classes, but I just wish it was stressed more. I wish students wanted the change they claim. I wish that I was not alone looking like the crazy alumni who cant get off her campus. I can! I just believe that God wants to move in and through that school... and I am not going to school so I needed a flag pole this morning. Is that ok?
Its not like the day was forgotten, students knew. Even as they began to arrive at school, they walked past, talking loudly.... none joining. I got really annoyed. "The Nerve!" I guess we, they take prayer for granted. We can do it all the time. They pray in classes, but I just wish it was stressed more. I wish students wanted the change they claim. I wish that I was not alone looking like the crazy alumni who cant get off her campus. I can! I just believe that God wants to move in and through that school... and I am not going to school so I needed a flag pole this morning. Is that ok?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Bridging
It has been one year since I last saw my baby blanket before it mysteriously and tragically dissapeared. Since I was still considered a "graduate", I lived in the big bedroom and before my pasport had many stamps. Since I was part of youth group and wore my favorite purple/red shirt that also mysteriously and tragically disspeared (not near as tragic as the baby blanket forever lost with the dryer socks. ) Its been a year since wanting to simplify my life and now actually having it simplified.
It was this thursday last year that I was on an airplane to Budapest Hungary - a place forlorn to my mind. Exactly 365 days ago, to this very hour, I was sitting on an airplane, not sleeping, but waiting, wishing, listening. I dont remember much of that trip, I didnt journal during it or about it, I think my anticipation of the coming days made time pass rather quickly. I do remember that last week home though.... more vivedly than maybe any other, even one of being gone... But today, one year ago, that week was over.
It seems like a long year ago, I guess it was... but six months doesnt seem far from now - not as far as those six months were. How so very different I am today than I was last year. Those anticipated experiences are now past experiences, what a grasping concept. I am sure many of you are tired of me talking about "my trip," but it was a big part of my life, it was my life, and it affects my life still...
I feel I have grown emensly, I jumped out of an airplane so to speak, a jump that took loads of faith, I landed on a bridge, the chain bridge to be exact. That bridge spoke to me and stretched me and moved me. And when I passed it a final time something in me was stiring - and it has been churning ever since. It keeps speaking to me, and wouldnt you know I came home and joined a college group called "The Bridge." Ya, seriously.
I am excited about this bridge too. I took my big adventure, got it out of my system in a way, and now I am home, to dwell and think and be.
What will I be writing today next year?
It was this thursday last year that I was on an airplane to Budapest Hungary - a place forlorn to my mind. Exactly 365 days ago, to this very hour, I was sitting on an airplane, not sleeping, but waiting, wishing, listening. I dont remember much of that trip, I didnt journal during it or about it, I think my anticipation of the coming days made time pass rather quickly. I do remember that last week home though.... more vivedly than maybe any other, even one of being gone... But today, one year ago, that week was over.
It seems like a long year ago, I guess it was... but six months doesnt seem far from now - not as far as those six months were. How so very different I am today than I was last year. Those anticipated experiences are now past experiences, what a grasping concept. I am sure many of you are tired of me talking about "my trip," but it was a big part of my life, it was my life, and it affects my life still...
I feel I have grown emensly, I jumped out of an airplane so to speak, a jump that took loads of faith, I landed on a bridge, the chain bridge to be exact. That bridge spoke to me and stretched me and moved me. And when I passed it a final time something in me was stiring - and it has been churning ever since. It keeps speaking to me, and wouldnt you know I came home and joined a college group called "The Bridge." Ya, seriously.
I am excited about this bridge too. I took my big adventure, got it out of my system in a way, and now I am home, to dwell and think and be.
What will I be writing today next year?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Expectations.
I was talking to Jessica Henson today about expectations. We get so pre-occupied with what expectations have been placed upon us that we forget to be expectant ourselves. We feel the need to live up to expectations, but we forget to live in expectancy of God. The Bible teaches us to live in "eager expectancy" ( Philippians 1:20 ) ... but that verb changes forms when we live eager to fulfill expecations. This is not a study I did, I didnt look up verses and such, but I think it is good be be expecatnt of God and not as worried about fulfilling expectations.
Trinity and Us
At college group we are going through the video series the Truth Project. It is really amazingly enlightening. I was quite cold to the idea of watching a video series when I first heard of it... but it stretches my mind, I guess that is what it is suppose to do. Anyways...
Tonight there was a really interesting point made, I want to research it more but it intrigued me none the less. There is the trinity GOD-JESUS-HOLYSPIRIT (HS) . Then when Christ assended to Heaven he sent us the HS to be with us always. ( John 16:5-7 )The HS is in us. So... Because the HS is in us, and he is part of the 3 part trinity, we are with God too. The New Testament is so full of references to being ONE. One with God, one with another... So the HS is what brings us into that closer relationship. Jesus intercedes for us to God, the HS leads us in pray to God. We are in God cause we are in the HS. So we are that close, that intimate. Like one of my favorite worship songs goes, "sometimes you are closer than my skin." It is literally true.
Tonight there was a really interesting point made, I want to research it more but it intrigued me none the less. There is the trinity GOD-JESUS-HOLYSPIRIT (HS) . Then when Christ assended to Heaven he sent us the HS to be with us always. ( John 16:5-7 )The HS is in us. So... Because the HS is in us, and he is part of the 3 part trinity, we are with God too. The New Testament is so full of references to being ONE. One with God, one with another... So the HS is what brings us into that closer relationship. Jesus intercedes for us to God, the HS leads us in pray to God. We are in God cause we are in the HS. So we are that close, that intimate. Like one of my favorite worship songs goes, "sometimes you are closer than my skin." It is literally true.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Women Shepherd
One of my Co-workers asked when I am going back to school and what I want to be and stuff. I told her of my Missionary work in Europe and of how I wanted to be a Pastor.
"You can have a woman pastor?" She asked with astonishing surprise
"Yes." I responded. "Women can be pastors."
"Oh. I didnt know that."
I thought it all very funny. She was catholic and in her mind men were priests and that was that. I was saddened thought that she didnt know, that she wasnt familiar with Christ. Maybe we can talk again. It got me thinking about what a pastor is: one who shepherds the sheep. So I guess that would already make me one. Nuns are missionaries and shepherds and mothers - it is just the role of a woman, to shepherd.
I was taken back the the story of Debroah (in Kings?) and how mighty a woman led men. I wonder, how many men asked "A woman can lead a battle?"
"Yes, A woman can lead a battle."
In her case, she did so because the King (Barak?) was to cowardly to lead without her, but she lead nonetheless. It was surprising then, and I suppose it is surprising today.
I dont know what the point of any of this is, and I am deffinatly not trying to make a theological statement or change the story of Deborah to fit what I want it to say, it was just what I was thinking about.
"You can have a woman pastor?" She asked with astonishing surprise
"Yes." I responded. "Women can be pastors."
"Oh. I didnt know that."
I thought it all very funny. She was catholic and in her mind men were priests and that was that. I was saddened thought that she didnt know, that she wasnt familiar with Christ. Maybe we can talk again. It got me thinking about what a pastor is: one who shepherds the sheep. So I guess that would already make me one. Nuns are missionaries and shepherds and mothers - it is just the role of a woman, to shepherd.
I was taken back the the story of Debroah (in Kings?) and how mighty a woman led men. I wonder, how many men asked "A woman can lead a battle?"
"Yes, A woman can lead a battle."
In her case, she did so because the King (Barak?) was to cowardly to lead without her, but she lead nonetheless. It was surprising then, and I suppose it is surprising today.
I dont know what the point of any of this is, and I am deffinatly not trying to make a theological statement or change the story of Deborah to fit what I want it to say, it was just what I was thinking about.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Stories
Ok so I suppose I am long overdue at writing, I have the urges of those who actually read this upon me - and it is nice, I like that people read what I write. I know that someday when I write a book they will buy one, well they wont need to cause I will give them one... but they will buy 20 and give them to everyone they know. That is why I love the people who read my blog.
Its my mom and my sister who urge me to write so, to follow this passion in my soul, the longing of my fingers to flow. They write poetry, as do I... I guess it is just what we do. We have stories, we live them, and we tell them. We see the importance of listening to each others, because our stories are important to others stories. A single story with one character would be quite slow, that is why our stories intermix, and weave and blend.
We really are alive to live out and tell the greatest story ever told! Our stories are meant to fashion after his! I guess all this to say: I have a story and it needs to be told as I live it out - so thank you for reminding me of this.
Its my mom and my sister who urge me to write so, to follow this passion in my soul, the longing of my fingers to flow. They write poetry, as do I... I guess it is just what we do. We have stories, we live them, and we tell them. We see the importance of listening to each others, because our stories are important to others stories. A single story with one character would be quite slow, that is why our stories intermix, and weave and blend.
We really are alive to live out and tell the greatest story ever told! Our stories are meant to fashion after his! I guess all this to say: I have a story and it needs to be told as I live it out - so thank you for reminding me of this.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
First Half a Car
I got a car. Kinda. I am hoping to buy it and am working on a few month "holding process" type deal, where I get to drive it and pay for it and decide if I have enough money to buy it type of thing. It is really cool because I wasnt really looking for a car and it is just a blessing. So although the registeration is not in my name, this is the car I drive.
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Saturday, August 2, 2008
Pure Hearts
"Who may climb the mountain of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? Only those whose hands and hearts are pure, who do not worship idols and never tell lies. They will receive the LORDS blessing and have right standing with God their savior. They alone may enter God's presence and worship the God if Jacob." (Psalm 24:3-6)
"Blessed are the pure of heart, for the will see God." (Matthew 5:8)
Every day cries fly toward heaven asking, begging to see God. We want Gods blessing, we want to stand right with him and be covered in his presence and own his intimacy, but we cant. He wants to be first in our life, to be the only love.
We will see him when we purify our hearts, when we wipe out everything not of him. We will hear his voice when we push away all other thoughts, when we are purified. We can not serve to masters, therefore since he is pure,we must be pure.
The enemy attacks us in the areas that could be most powerful, he wants to take us down in our strengths. Purity is so important to God, to our relationship with him, that is why the enemy is attacking it in our generation so strongly. He wants so bad to take it down, to stop us from intimacy and purity. He knows the danger of us having pure hearts. SO LETS HAVE THEM!!!
I want to see God, I want to assend the Hill of the LORD and enter his presence. If this can only be done by me purifying myself, then I will keep purifying till I find that which I seek.
"Blessed are the pure of heart, for the will see God." (Matthew 5:8)
Every day cries fly toward heaven asking, begging to see God. We want Gods blessing, we want to stand right with him and be covered in his presence and own his intimacy, but we cant. He wants to be first in our life, to be the only love.
We will see him when we purify our hearts, when we wipe out everything not of him. We will hear his voice when we push away all other thoughts, when we are purified. We can not serve to masters, therefore since he is pure,we must be pure.
The enemy attacks us in the areas that could be most powerful, he wants to take us down in our strengths. Purity is so important to God, to our relationship with him, that is why the enemy is attacking it in our generation so strongly. He wants so bad to take it down, to stop us from intimacy and purity. He knows the danger of us having pure hearts. SO LETS HAVE THEM!!!
I want to see God, I want to assend the Hill of the LORD and enter his presence. If this can only be done by me purifying myself, then I will keep purifying till I find that which I seek.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Singleness
Singleness is a gift that so many fail to grasp. As humans we strive to go from childhood straight into marriage. Toddlers imitate their parents, girls dream, boys try to become men. T.V. shows circle around the idea of relationships aimed at younger and younger audiences. Dating is just part of “something we do.” Marriages all around are falling apart, but with today’s legalists, divorce is just as easy and free from “guilt” If by the time you are 14 and you have not dated, you are probably labeled a “dork.” If still single by 17 you’re a loser.” And if you make it to keeping your virginity by 19, you are simply “gay.”
To stay away from label’s, people just get in relationships because it is the thing to do. Because we don’t know anything else. Because if we don’t we are a dorky, gay loser. Girls from around the globe are struggling with self worth and self confidence. They are cutting themselves and selling themselves and giving up on themselves because they cant handle the pressures of the world. FALSE PRESSURES. They deal with shame. Shame is a false feeling, it is self imposed. Guilt is an accurate portrayal of remorse for our wrong actions, shame is just wallowing in the enemies lies.
What if… singleness wasn’t bad? If, being a dorky gay loser… was ok? What if the world was actually wrong? What if there was a cure to the sweeping epidemic among especially girls?
Well, singleness isn’t bad, in fact… Paul sees it as freedom. Elisabeth Elliot sees it as a gift. I see it as, an overlooked season of life. There is a cure and his name is Jesus. This Jesus desires intimacy with us in a deeper sense than any physical relationship will ever bring. This Jesus wants to whisper in our ear and whisk us off our feet! He is one that will NEVER let us down, will never lie, will never be false imposed. He wont stand us up or say the wrong words or be stupid or shove you aside or take advantage of you. Oh no, not my Jesus. My Jesus wants to be your hero, to be your everlasting protector and provider. He wants to be the one to build you as you build yourself.
Paul writes about Marriage and Singleness many times, his view was that he wishes all could be single so that they could further the Kingdom of Heaven without further distractions, but if because of our physical desires we must marry, then we should marry within the bounderies of Gods love. Paul says that a woman who is not married can be more devoted to the Lord with her body and spirit because of her time and focuses.
Even though I don’t feel called to a life of singleness (as some are) I know that I am single right now, I am alone without a mate for this season of my life, and I am not going to go looking because I know that this single season is more than special. I am still developing and I want Jesus to be the one molding me, not some guy. I know that soooo many girls struggle with longing for marriage because we see it as whats next… but lets enjoy what we have now. Come on, God has taken us this far, I can guarantee that he will not forget about us and let us mold into cranky spinsters. If he has not spoken to you abut singleness, then you will marry, and he has one for you to marry… he has him, which means you don’t have to go get him. We don’t have to be urgent because he’s not either.
I am not telling anyone not to date, even if you are dating, see your singleness of not marriage as a gift. You still have time now that you wont have someday when that ring shines on your finger. Lets grasp these years and milk them. Lets teach little girls about their worth and not let them fall into our traps. Lets embrace our singleness and fly.
“… In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be more devoted to the Lord in body and in spirit, while the married woman must be concerned about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” ( I Corinthians 7:34)
To stay away from label’s, people just get in relationships because it is the thing to do. Because we don’t know anything else. Because if we don’t we are a dorky, gay loser. Girls from around the globe are struggling with self worth and self confidence. They are cutting themselves and selling themselves and giving up on themselves because they cant handle the pressures of the world. FALSE PRESSURES. They deal with shame. Shame is a false feeling, it is self imposed. Guilt is an accurate portrayal of remorse for our wrong actions, shame is just wallowing in the enemies lies.
What if… singleness wasn’t bad? If, being a dorky gay loser… was ok? What if the world was actually wrong? What if there was a cure to the sweeping epidemic among especially girls?
Well, singleness isn’t bad, in fact… Paul sees it as freedom. Elisabeth Elliot sees it as a gift. I see it as, an overlooked season of life. There is a cure and his name is Jesus. This Jesus desires intimacy with us in a deeper sense than any physical relationship will ever bring. This Jesus wants to whisper in our ear and whisk us off our feet! He is one that will NEVER let us down, will never lie, will never be false imposed. He wont stand us up or say the wrong words or be stupid or shove you aside or take advantage of you. Oh no, not my Jesus. My Jesus wants to be your hero, to be your everlasting protector and provider. He wants to be the one to build you as you build yourself.
Paul writes about Marriage and Singleness many times, his view was that he wishes all could be single so that they could further the Kingdom of Heaven without further distractions, but if because of our physical desires we must marry, then we should marry within the bounderies of Gods love. Paul says that a woman who is not married can be more devoted to the Lord with her body and spirit because of her time and focuses.
Even though I don’t feel called to a life of singleness (as some are) I know that I am single right now, I am alone without a mate for this season of my life, and I am not going to go looking because I know that this single season is more than special. I am still developing and I want Jesus to be the one molding me, not some guy. I know that soooo many girls struggle with longing for marriage because we see it as whats next… but lets enjoy what we have now. Come on, God has taken us this far, I can guarantee that he will not forget about us and let us mold into cranky spinsters. If he has not spoken to you abut singleness, then you will marry, and he has one for you to marry… he has him, which means you don’t have to go get him. We don’t have to be urgent because he’s not either.
I am not telling anyone not to date, even if you are dating, see your singleness of not marriage as a gift. You still have time now that you wont have someday when that ring shines on your finger. Lets grasp these years and milk them. Lets teach little girls about their worth and not let them fall into our traps. Lets embrace our singleness and fly.
“… In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be more devoted to the Lord in body and in spirit, while the married woman must be concerned about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” ( I Corinthians 7:34)
I claim the victory
Tonight I was talking to Anna Biddason on skype for a long time and we had a great conversation, so I took the stuff I wrote to her and turned it into a blog. Cause I thought other people besides her might like to read it.
Every day I struggle with myself. It is so weird, either I am losing my mind or God is capturing it. (I like to think upon the latter) I really believe that the enemy has a strong hold of Confusion over much of our generation. So many young people just "now knowing" what they are doing. Too many times is the phrase “I don’t know” uttered among my friends. With those I am with… we want to know, but don’t. There are too many others that have simply stopped seeking because they got tired of not finding.
I keep studying the scripture that says "I am the good shepherd and the sheep know the shepherds voice" then I cry out "Lord, you are my shepherd, why do I not recognize your voice outside of the wolf?"
so I am starting to claim my mind in Jesus name, I am claiming that the enemy does not have a hold on me because I think he is trying so hard to hold me back from what God has.
I have been trying to just see into the spiritual realm. "God what are you doing?" If I cant tell, then I try to recognize where I am being attacked, where I am weak. Those are the points that God is trying to strengthen. The very spots that we feel fading are the ones God is trying to brighten. The enemy always attacks before the climax, I believe. He gives one final oomph attempt before giving up. he is so scared of what we can do in the name of Jesus that he waits to see where god is going to strengthen us, then tries to attack in those areas thinking he can pull us down.... what he doesn’t realize is that once God starts to strengthen us, we already have God on our side and he will lose.
It is a battle we have already won if we will just claim the victory. If we will just recognize that the battle is there in the first place. How can we win if we don’t know we are fighting?
So I say, “the victory is mine in Christ!”
I say, “Confusion, you are NO MORE!”
I say, “God I know your voice!”
The victory is mine. Confusion is gone. I hear Gods voice
Every day I struggle with myself. It is so weird, either I am losing my mind or God is capturing it. (I like to think upon the latter) I really believe that the enemy has a strong hold of Confusion over much of our generation. So many young people just "now knowing" what they are doing. Too many times is the phrase “I don’t know” uttered among my friends. With those I am with… we want to know, but don’t. There are too many others that have simply stopped seeking because they got tired of not finding.
I keep studying the scripture that says "I am the good shepherd and the sheep know the shepherds voice" then I cry out "Lord, you are my shepherd, why do I not recognize your voice outside of the wolf?"
so I am starting to claim my mind in Jesus name, I am claiming that the enemy does not have a hold on me because I think he is trying so hard to hold me back from what God has.
I have been trying to just see into the spiritual realm. "God what are you doing?" If I cant tell, then I try to recognize where I am being attacked, where I am weak. Those are the points that God is trying to strengthen. The very spots that we feel fading are the ones God is trying to brighten. The enemy always attacks before the climax, I believe. He gives one final oomph attempt before giving up. he is so scared of what we can do in the name of Jesus that he waits to see where god is going to strengthen us, then tries to attack in those areas thinking he can pull us down.... what he doesn’t realize is that once God starts to strengthen us, we already have God on our side and he will lose.
It is a battle we have already won if we will just claim the victory. If we will just recognize that the battle is there in the first place. How can we win if we don’t know we are fighting?
So I say, “the victory is mine in Christ!”
I say, “Confusion, you are NO MORE!”
I say, “God I know your voice!”
The victory is mine. Confusion is gone. I hear Gods voice
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A Day at the park with Zoe and Sharell!!!
Zoe loves "Shell". I think she thinks we are married. Whatever her view of marriage is.
We were eating Grass. Yuck.
She wouldnt smile... so I had to make her
Grass sure is intriguing....
Zoe lost in the forest!
A BRIDGE!!!!Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Worth
You asked your father to take the cup, he knew you were strong enough to keep it. You had it in you to bear the shame, the consequences that instead bore my name. Were you thinking of me at the insance a kiss was placed on your cheek? Were you really dreaming of the lowly and the meek?When you were led away in the darkness of night, did you see my face? I am sorry that for me you had to be a disgrace. As the whip slashed your back, and you winced in seizing pain... you chose to keep your head high. I read the story and imagine the sceen... but time after time I just cant help from wondering why. Why did you do it for me? You limped to the cross, bloody and weak. You were swollen and weary yet the scorners urged you to leap. I imagine you thought about leaving and letting it all go, that you played with the idea of quitting. But you... you knew you could not. You knew that it had to be his plan, not yours. You knew that you had to do it for this girl. I am valuable enough. Although I am a sinner, a loser, a confused little girl you hung facing the crowd seeing much more. You looked into my life at all the things I could be, you probably closed your eyes and thought of me. Just me. You took the sins of my life and of every other, you bore them upon yourself and simply took it... because of me. With your last breath, I believe that you were thinking of me.
...
I have value because I am HIS. In his infinate wisdom, Christ spent his last days on earth thinking of me. He spent them just as specifically thinking about Sharell, and of my neice Ellanor and President Bush and Hannah Montana. But I dont believe that he saw a "sea of faces", I believed that he visualized me personally... and you. That is how he is. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and that is that.
I can not think less of myself becuase he did not. It does not matter what the world thinks or what other people say... becuase I know that the God of the universe sent his son, to die for me. That is all I need to know.
...
I have value because I am HIS. In his infinate wisdom, Christ spent his last days on earth thinking of me. He spent them just as specifically thinking about Sharell, and of my neice Ellanor and President Bush and Hannah Montana. But I dont believe that he saw a "sea of faces", I believed that he visualized me personally... and you. That is how he is. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and that is that.
I can not think less of myself becuase he did not. It does not matter what the world thinks or what other people say... becuase I know that the God of the universe sent his son, to die for me. That is all I need to know.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Birthday Wishes for my Sister
Today is my sisters birthday. I did not call her. I thought of her all day, and all week. How much she means to me. I thought of the crazy birthday parties in the past, the sleepovers I would try to sneak into, easedrop on and try to crash. I thought of the birthday when we were at sunriver, the year at creation and her 21st when she got "non-alchololic alcholol." I thought about how big of a deal Mama made our birthdays and her passion to simply make them the best day ever! I thought of how I didnt get to give my sister a
birthday hug but how I wanted to. I couldnt see you
today, so here are some crazy pictures not many
have seen. Hope they make you smile seeing a little of me. :)
Harmony, I love you!
p.s. watch your mail box in the next few days/week.... :)
Other Lovers
So I am really tired of the name : Hannah Montana. I am tired of seeing her face and hearing the spoken syllables of her name. I am not jealous of her, I am sad for her.
I am tried of being told that "shes ok" and that "shes not that big of a deal." I am tired of being told that she is not having a negative influence on the next generation. She, herself I believe is not a bad person. I believe that she is who she says she is and that she is trying to be pure and to control herself, but the fact of the matter is that Hollywood plays up even the innocent and makes the ignorant stumble.
I am tired of hearing little girls sing her songs more than Jesus songs. It just breaks my heart because the enemy is using an innocent victom to steal the attention of thousands, to capture the hearts of little girls. These little girls are givng their hearts to other lovers because they dont feel the real lover calling them. She may not be singing about sex or immoral things, but she is becoming an idol without wanting to be.
I am saddned and frusterated. Hopefully.... not the end of the story.
I am tried of being told that "shes ok" and that "shes not that big of a deal." I am tired of being told that she is not having a negative influence on the next generation. She, herself I believe is not a bad person. I believe that she is who she says she is and that she is trying to be pure and to control herself, but the fact of the matter is that Hollywood plays up even the innocent and makes the ignorant stumble.
I am tired of hearing little girls sing her songs more than Jesus songs. It just breaks my heart because the enemy is using an innocent victom to steal the attention of thousands, to capture the hearts of little girls. These little girls are givng their hearts to other lovers because they dont feel the real lover calling them. She may not be singing about sex or immoral things, but she is becoming an idol without wanting to be.
I am saddned and frusterated. Hopefully.... not the end of the story.
Who and Why?
You are good.
You are good.
You are good.
What are you?
And Who?
You are my forever friend, my companion, my jealous one.
You sing crazy songs about me and wisper winds in my ear.
You are the tree I climb and the one I call mine.
You are the freshness I smell and the silk that I feel.
You are whatever I need you to be.
You are everything to me.
And why?
You are because you are.
You are why I am me.
You can not be questioned because your existance is unquestionable.
Why are you?
And how?
Fulfillment
From where does fulfillment come? It comes from above, from perfection. Fulfillment is the reaching point of satisfaction, the place where a substance can contain no more, the top. Fulfillment is the answering of a question and the breathe of freash air. Perfection is seekable not not nearly attainable.
I seek to be fulfilled and satisfied beyond my most dreamed up imaginations. I seek fulfillment. I think we all do actually, we all want to be fulfilled. But how can we be fullfilled without something in which that desire has a place to be filled? We must first be empy to be filled, like a cup, we must have a limit for it to reach its fulness. So I must be an empty person with a limit to be fulfilled.
How many people walk with broken glasses that are not able to be filled because the item seeking to fulfill is actually crawling out the seems? How many people try to pour in the filling to fast, just to watch it all drain out? Others I think walk only with open hands, holding no cup, they seek to be full, but they hold nothing in which it can fill.
I want to be that cup, but limitless. I want God to fulfill me over and over. I want to be full of him, and I want him to fill me. I will be filled full of him yet never be satisfactorly fulfilled, because I always will desire more.
I seek to be fulfilled and satisfied beyond my most dreamed up imaginations. I seek fulfillment. I think we all do actually, we all want to be fulfilled. But how can we be fullfilled without something in which that desire has a place to be filled? We must first be empy to be filled, like a cup, we must have a limit for it to reach its fulness. So I must be an empty person with a limit to be fulfilled.
How many people walk with broken glasses that are not able to be filled because the item seeking to fulfill is actually crawling out the seems? How many people try to pour in the filling to fast, just to watch it all drain out? Others I think walk only with open hands, holding no cup, they seek to be full, but they hold nothing in which it can fill.
I want to be that cup, but limitless. I want God to fulfill me over and over. I want to be full of him, and I want him to fill me. I will be filled full of him yet never be satisfactorly fulfilled, because I always will desire more.
To be a Christian....
What is it to be a Christian?
To Love the Father with our whole being
To make the Kingdom our main concern
To participate in unhindered praise
To present humble servanthood
To be pure of heart
What it is not....
A show
A game
A club
A "good" program
An entertainment act
Easy
Coplicated
Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. We are not stuck doing pointless rituals, we must now live! John 10:10 (my youth pastor, Chris Hinson's favorite verse) says "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I come to bring life and life more abuldantly." So Christ came to bring life, the thief tries to take that away. I think that is exactly what is happening today amoung christians. The thief is trying to steal th very things we have - our christianity. So many are falling for it. Not only are they falling for fals religions, but for scemes to just not live out their own christianity as well. Western Christianity is falling and so many dont even see it. I want to be whole heartedly what he wants me to be - not what this "christianese" world "says."
To Love the Father with our whole being
To make the Kingdom our main concern
To participate in unhindered praise
To present humble servanthood
To be pure of heart
What it is not....
A show
A game
A club
A "good" program
An entertainment act
Easy
Coplicated
Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. We are not stuck doing pointless rituals, we must now live! John 10:10 (my youth pastor, Chris Hinson's favorite verse) says "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I come to bring life and life more abuldantly." So Christ came to bring life, the thief tries to take that away. I think that is exactly what is happening today amoung christians. The thief is trying to steal th very things we have - our christianity. So many are falling for it. Not only are they falling for fals religions, but for scemes to just not live out their own christianity as well. Western Christianity is falling and so many dont even see it. I want to be whole heartedly what he wants me to be - not what this "christianese" world "says."
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ok with walking
I am 19 and I dont care if I ever get married. I am not psyco or scared or lesbian. I am in love with Yaweh. I am tired of thinking about my future and trying to figure it out. I know what God wants me to do at this present moment, and I am doing it and will continue to do it until he tells me to do something else.
I am learning to trust, and with that comes me giving up the only thing I have to my Father. I trust him with my life, that means I dont care what I do and I am not worried about my future, I am his now, always and forever.
If life is a walk, then I am just going to walk. I am not going to run or stretch my eyes yonder. I just am, and I am ok with that.
I am learning to trust, and with that comes me giving up the only thing I have to my Father. I trust him with my life, that means I dont care what I do and I am not worried about my future, I am his now, always and forever.
If life is a walk, then I am just going to walk. I am not going to run or stretch my eyes yonder. I just am, and I am ok with that.
Silly Life
Life. Its a silly thing really. We get caught up in emotions and relationships and failure. We focus on happiness and feelings and now... but someday now will be gone, nonexistant. Our happiness will be eternal and our feelings will be stronger than physical. We wont get caught up in anything besides Jesus. We wont worry about relationships besides Jesus. We wont fail.
I just see so much worry and stress about little things that dont matter. When we really step back, even the big things dont matter. One thing matters right now: That we have a relationship with Jesus and that we are drawing others into that present Kingdom. Every single thing outside of that will die. We just need to love Jesus. To love others. To love in general.
I think I understand why Paul says it is better to be single (1 Corinthians 7) , cause then we are simply Kingdom focused. Why it is easier for the poor to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why it is easier when we give our money away, when we dont think about things, when we pray. I think I am beginning to understand the Great Commission in Matthew 28 and the pure simple words of Jesus through all his ministry.
We treat life as such a HUGE deal. And it is I guess, but it is not as they say, it is not all we have. We have eternity, and that is heck of a lot longer than the 80 some years we get on this nasty beautiful earth. I am really beginning to not care what the world says, or what anyone says. I want to and have to do what God asks, that simple.
When I get to heaven it wont matter what books I have read or what food I have tasted. It wont matter how many cool things I have done or even where I have traveled. It even wont matter what I have done in the church or what cool things I have accomplished in the evangelism rhelm. It will only matter what was heartfelt, what drew me closer to Him, what drew others closer to him. It wont matter if I liked every second of what I was doing or if I looked the best or even if I had really cool times with my friends. It just wont matter.
I dont want to let everything go away, or move into the desert and become a John the Baptist type person. I value all I have, but I value the valuable so much more now that I see the true treasure ahead. Everything affects the Kingdom, my friends, my choices, my books. I want them to all be positive influences because my 80 years is not about to be wasted.
I just see so much worry and stress about little things that dont matter. When we really step back, even the big things dont matter. One thing matters right now: That we have a relationship with Jesus and that we are drawing others into that present Kingdom. Every single thing outside of that will die. We just need to love Jesus. To love others. To love in general.
I think I understand why Paul says it is better to be single (1 Corinthians 7) , cause then we are simply Kingdom focused. Why it is easier for the poor to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why it is easier when we give our money away, when we dont think about things, when we pray. I think I am beginning to understand the Great Commission in Matthew 28 and the pure simple words of Jesus through all his ministry.
We treat life as such a HUGE deal. And it is I guess, but it is not as they say, it is not all we have. We have eternity, and that is heck of a lot longer than the 80 some years we get on this nasty beautiful earth. I am really beginning to not care what the world says, or what anyone says. I want to and have to do what God asks, that simple.
When I get to heaven it wont matter what books I have read or what food I have tasted. It wont matter how many cool things I have done or even where I have traveled. It even wont matter what I have done in the church or what cool things I have accomplished in the evangelism rhelm. It will only matter what was heartfelt, what drew me closer to Him, what drew others closer to him. It wont matter if I liked every second of what I was doing or if I looked the best or even if I had really cool times with my friends. It just wont matter.
I dont want to let everything go away, or move into the desert and become a John the Baptist type person. I value all I have, but I value the valuable so much more now that I see the true treasure ahead. Everything affects the Kingdom, my friends, my choices, my books. I want them to all be positive influences because my 80 years is not about to be wasted.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Lord Knows
I am reading a book by one of my favorite Authors, Elisabeth Elliot. It is called Let me be a Woman. Anyways, I will give a book report on it when I finish, for now I just want to quote a story she gives...
"[Gladys Aylward] told of how when she was a child she had two great sorrows. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other, that while her friends were still growing, she stoppoed. She was four feet ten inches tall. But when at last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and loked around at the people to whom he had called her.
Every single one of them' she said 'had black hair. And every single one of them had stopped growing when I did. And I said, 'Lord, You know what you are doing!"
Oh it just made me think about how many of us, myself included, find things about ourselves that we jut dont understand, but all the while the Lord knows just what he is doing!
"[Gladys Aylward] told of how when she was a child she had two great sorrows. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other, that while her friends were still growing, she stoppoed. She was four feet ten inches tall. But when at last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and loked around at the people to whom he had called her.
Every single one of them' she said 'had black hair. And every single one of them had stopped growing when I did. And I said, 'Lord, You know what you are doing!"
Oh it just made me think about how many of us, myself included, find things about ourselves that we jut dont understand, but all the while the Lord knows just what he is doing!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Paranormal
Tonight I was watching a TV show about Psycic Kids. Ohhhh it made me angry.
All three kids have visions and/or experiences with the paranormal. The counselor people that came to "help" really bothered me, they wanted the kids to experiment more with their "special gifts" so they could learn how to control them and maybe use them to help others. The guy was making me so angry because he was sooooooooo far away from the Bible. He was talking about spirits and energies and almost forcing the kids to feel things. I dont doubt what they feel or see is real, but it is demonic for sure and they werent recgonizing it. It made me angry that the enemy can have such hold on people.
One of the moms was a hard core Christian and telling them that they were experiencing demons, the counselors thought she was wack and said she was the first they had ever experienced. Oh I was proud of her.
There was one comment that really caught me though. The guy was doing and "excercise" with the kids and told them "more of the spirit and less of you." oh gosh i thought, isnt that a biblical principle? hmmmm. It reminded me how close to reality the enemy will take his prey before twisting it, so that they dont see the error.
I am glad that I know the truth about God and that I understand the spirtual rhelm. I am angered that there are such falsehoods going around in my world and that I cant stop all of them, but I hope to be like that mother and stand in the face of adversity.
All three kids have visions and/or experiences with the paranormal. The counselor people that came to "help" really bothered me, they wanted the kids to experiment more with their "special gifts" so they could learn how to control them and maybe use them to help others. The guy was making me so angry because he was sooooooooo far away from the Bible. He was talking about spirits and energies and almost forcing the kids to feel things. I dont doubt what they feel or see is real, but it is demonic for sure and they werent recgonizing it. It made me angry that the enemy can have such hold on people.
One of the moms was a hard core Christian and telling them that they were experiencing demons, the counselors thought she was wack and said she was the first they had ever experienced. Oh I was proud of her.
There was one comment that really caught me though. The guy was doing and "excercise" with the kids and told them "more of the spirit and less of you." oh gosh i thought, isnt that a biblical principle? hmmmm. It reminded me how close to reality the enemy will take his prey before twisting it, so that they dont see the error.
I am glad that I know the truth about God and that I understand the spirtual rhelm. I am angered that there are such falsehoods going around in my world and that I cant stop all of them, but I hope to be like that mother and stand in the face of adversity.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The early church (part 2)
Acts 4:32-35
"All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not therir own; they shared everything they had. ... There was no poverty among them..."
So the Believers had one goal, they were a team focused on the same thing. They owned nothing themselves, they shared everything. God had favor on them. Everything they owned belonged to God anyway, so they gave it back to him and it just circulated around and around as they kept on giving. I want that giving of a heart. I want Gods favor on me.
"All the believers were of one heart and mind, and they felt that what they owned was not therir own; they shared everything they had. ... There was no poverty among them..."
So the Believers had one goal, they were a team focused on the same thing. They owned nothing themselves, they shared everything. God had favor on them. Everything they owned belonged to God anyway, so they gave it back to him and it just circulated around and around as they kept on giving. I want that giving of a heart. I want Gods favor on me.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
For Lavinia...
I decided to simply write a story, something low key to think upon but fun to read:
Today I was at a clothing store and Sharell said something to me (not remembering what) but I yelled scarcastically "Dont Do That!" Well, right as I yelled those words I saw a small girl turn her back and run. I guess that she had just poked her head through a rack of clothes to say "Boo" and try to start a game, but as she did I yelled "Dont do that!" and she thought I was yelling at her... and it made her sad. And it made me sad. I wasnt yelling at her. I wasnt even yelling. Humph.
Today I was at a clothing store and Sharell said something to me (not remembering what) but I yelled scarcastically "Dont Do That!" Well, right as I yelled those words I saw a small girl turn her back and run. I guess that she had just poked her head through a rack of clothes to say "Boo" and try to start a game, but as she did I yelled "Dont do that!" and she thought I was yelling at her... and it made her sad. And it made me sad. I wasnt yelling at her. I wasnt even yelling. Humph.
Ramblings (For Harmony)
you tell them how much i cry? you must be reading books about crocodiles. i like books about crocodiles. it would be sad if they ate us. i am gald i dont live by crocodiles. i wish joshua was nicer to his neighbors (YOU!) but your boys are teaching him to be nice. I did a report on the dinosaurs and if they were in the boat, i couldnt decide. i think that they were but that the climate after the flood did not accomodate to them. i also think that hippos are a type of dinosaur. i like hippos. i am really into them right now. i think they are cute. i had a dream about a baby hippo a few weeks ago and now i really want one. you can go to my mysapce page and see a hippo. why do you have brown hair and i have almost blond? why do only a few of the family members have blue eyes? i am glad i have blue eyes, yes i like them. i dont cry very much now, but i do still enjoy staying up all night. i realy like ice cream even though it isnt good for my muscles. i am not much of a candy fan though. i like the forth of july cause i get to eat lots of food. that isnt very healthy for me either. isnt it funny that we like things that are not healthy? tonight i ate at baja fresh and 3 of us ate more than enough for less than 4 dollars and it made me happy and it was healthy. i was born in oregon and i still live in oregon. i like oregon. it is green. michigan has some green, but not enough. isnt it funny how just before going to bed your mind wanders and covers every topic from A-Z but doesnt let you dwell long enough to figure any of them out?
Monday, June 30, 2008
Its not about the quanitity, but the quality
So this is a phrase I hear often... a good rule of thumb. Today at work, Round Table Pizza, I was cleaning the bathrooms and I started to ponder upon this random phrase. I really take a long time when I clean windows and mirrors because streaks drive me bazonkers and I decided that if someone gets mad at me I can explain that I want quality first over how much I can get done the fastest...
Anyways, I have always thought of this term in the literal sense, in doing things the right way the first time... or in having a few nice articles of clothing compared to a basket of cheap ones... or a smaller portion of food displayed with elegance over a greesy plate of microwaved trans fat. But, I have been really Kingdom focused lately, I just want God to speak to me in the small things, and he did.
The chuch today, I think, gets sooooo caught up in "Salvation" in the "Big Numbers". We focus on evangelism efforts and crusades, and events to draw in the lost. We count attendance and constantly try to better it, always falling short. I have ever known this system was skewed, but I see it so clear now. It is NOT about the quantity or, how many, but of the quality of their salvation experience. I dont know the exact percentange, but... at least more than half the peopel "saved" at Billy Gramm* crusades fall away shortly after. Not because they didnt mean it, but because it was such an emotional day and there was little or no follow up.
It is easy for a Missionary to report how many people he saved this year. But what does that mean? People who fled for the emotional high, crying at an alter during a slow song played on the guitar as the pastor speaks of a guilt trip? Or do those numbers represent a true protrayal of quality salvation experiences? How far away we have strived from what God built the church t be. Its not about the quantity, but the quality.
*please note that I am not condensending Billy Gramm in any way, I respect the man with so much of what I am, I just believe that follow up is a must and that we need to protect ourselves against fighting just for numbers.
Anyways, I have always thought of this term in the literal sense, in doing things the right way the first time... or in having a few nice articles of clothing compared to a basket of cheap ones... or a smaller portion of food displayed with elegance over a greesy plate of microwaved trans fat. But, I have been really Kingdom focused lately, I just want God to speak to me in the small things, and he did.
The chuch today, I think, gets sooooo caught up in "Salvation" in the "Big Numbers". We focus on evangelism efforts and crusades, and events to draw in the lost. We count attendance and constantly try to better it, always falling short. I have ever known this system was skewed, but I see it so clear now. It is NOT about the quantity or, how many, but of the quality of their salvation experience. I dont know the exact percentange, but... at least more than half the peopel "saved" at Billy Gramm* crusades fall away shortly after. Not because they didnt mean it, but because it was such an emotional day and there was little or no follow up.
It is easy for a Missionary to report how many people he saved this year. But what does that mean? People who fled for the emotional high, crying at an alter during a slow song played on the guitar as the pastor speaks of a guilt trip? Or do those numbers represent a true protrayal of quality salvation experiences? How far away we have strived from what God built the church t be. Its not about the quantity, but the quality.
*please note that I am not condensending Billy Gramm in any way, I respect the man with so much of what I am, I just believe that follow up is a must and that we need to protect ourselves against fighting just for numbers.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Climbing the Grand Canyon
I feel like I am climbing the Grand Canyon. God just showed me a visual of where I am. I am climbing. I am steadily moving foward, I am making it closer to the completion of a goal... but I am not enjoying anything along the way. I am climbing but with every step looking forward and backward. I see what was so good behind, on the bottom of the canyon. I dream of what good is ahead, of the perfection and relaxation. I recall the beauty that I saw and think upon the beauty I will see. I am so busy thinking of what was and what will be I dont see what is. I cant see the beauty from where I stand. I dont enjoy the journey between past and future. I am so focused on the two that I dont recgonize that there is a present. I rejoice in thinking about what was and I delight in dreaming about the perfection to come. I lose every present moment in the process. I want to enjoy the hike ... and all it has.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The early church (part 1)
I am really studying Acts, the first church, how they acted, why, what affect it had on them and what affect that has on me and the church today… This is the outline of 2:43-47 They Performed Miracles…
All the Believers…
Met constantly
Shared everything they had
Sold possessions
Shared proceeds
Worshiped every day together
Met for Communion in homes
Shared meals
Had joy and generosity
All the while praising God
Enjoying goodwill of all people
Every day the Lord added to their group those that were being saved.
So of the things they did, sharing is the one most repetitive of the occurrences. As a community, they shared, it is as easy as that. They thought of others first and kept nothing to themselves. But the theme is worship. Sharing is a form of worship, corporate worship in the temple is a form of worship, communion is a form of worship, praising God, and enjoying people. Then after all the sharing and praising the Lord added to their group all that were being saved.
That’s it. They weren’t out evangelizing, or trying to mold to the culture. They weren’t creating appealing services or molding to what was cool. They were just being with God. From the overflow of their worship people were saved. People were drawn towards genuine joy, and that is what they had flowing from them.
I want that flowing from me. I want to stop my “saving expeditions” and be with God. I want to see people saved through my sharing and worshiping. That is what the early church did, right?
Bridging the gap that really isnt there
At 11:30 I went to my church for a Bar-B-Q. I walked in and seated myself at a table in which I was acquainted with only one person, a girl closest to my age. I began a discussion with the other members of the table on topics covering things like party lines, vacations and comic strips.
I ate a burger, fresh peppers and 3 different types of cake. It was all washed down by a cup of coffee that was probably decaffinated and much to lite. I smiled and laughed and had a great time. I was invited to hang out with my new friends bragged upon by my youth pastor.
It was one of the best Bar- B - Q's I have ever been to, probably the best church event I have attended since coming home. It was an event hosted by the Senior Citizens oh my church in their attempt to bridge the gap of generations. It worked.
We had worship time. For once, rather than having seperate servies for generations, we combinded them. We sang one modern worship song led by an alto on guitar, and then switched to 3 versed hymn led by a saprano on the piano. Everyone was respectful. Everyone sang what they knew, but we worshiped together the entire time.
I think this is what life is suppose to be. We wouldnt need to be reaching out it such modern ways as a generation if the previous generations embraced us as they did today. I didnt feel alone in my walk to love Jesus, I felt surrounded and uplifted and overjoyed. I hope we continue this into a constant re-occurance.
Next week when I see the sisters Helen andDorthy or either of their husbands for 52+ years, I will say "Hi" and give a hug, and try to embrace the small relationship that was started.
I ate a burger, fresh peppers and 3 different types of cake. It was all washed down by a cup of coffee that was probably decaffinated and much to lite. I smiled and laughed and had a great time. I was invited to hang out with my new friends bragged upon by my youth pastor.
It was one of the best Bar- B - Q's I have ever been to, probably the best church event I have attended since coming home. It was an event hosted by the Senior Citizens oh my church in their attempt to bridge the gap of generations. It worked.
We had worship time. For once, rather than having seperate servies for generations, we combinded them. We sang one modern worship song led by an alto on guitar, and then switched to 3 versed hymn led by a saprano on the piano. Everyone was respectful. Everyone sang what they knew, but we worshiped together the entire time.
I think this is what life is suppose to be. We wouldnt need to be reaching out it such modern ways as a generation if the previous generations embraced us as they did today. I didnt feel alone in my walk to love Jesus, I felt surrounded and uplifted and overjoyed. I hope we continue this into a constant re-occurance.
Next week when I see the sisters Helen andDorthy or either of their husbands for 52+ years, I will say "Hi" and give a hug, and try to embrace the small relationship that was started.
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