Graveyard Meal

After it was all picked up

A pile of cheese pealed off the car. It was wet. And sticky. And seriously disgusting.

This scene as been about our yard many a times... but never with cheese. Will the culprit please stand and explain themseleves?

You will notice it was my brothers car not mine that was "cheesed". Good job guys.

Can you see the nasty cheese on the windshield? GAH!

Very creative I must say.

Blogging

So my computer has been broken for like two months. It was really nice to be honest, I didnt have my internet to turn to when I was bored, I tended to read more books. I didn't have music, but I got use to that after my ipod was stolen in Korea last Spring. I did get an awesome stereo set up that I wont change even if I do get an ipod again and now that my computer is fixed, I have these awesome speakers plugged into Heather's borrowed disman and the sound from the radio is great!

I think my only problem with not having my computer was my lack of being able to blog. I bloged a few times yes, but sitting in the computer lounge with crackling headphones is not quite the atmosphere one longs for when trying to connect thoughts to the outside world. Ahh, but now I can blog - let see if I can keep up on it again. Sitting here in my living room at home, watching Anne of Green Gables (yes its like the 3rd time this month), I am so excited for Christmas!

More to come later...

Seriously

P.S. Yesterday, I was at Jo Anns feasting with my eyes and getting a few things for Christmas projects. As I stood in line I thought about how nice it would be to eat a Reeces Christmas Tree. You know how they make them shapped all cool? Yeah, well they taste beter in the shape of a tree and I wanted one. But what did I find? A reeces heart. Yes People, a heart. I was a little confused until I noticed the SpongeBob Valentines next to it. I understood fully. And I did not buy a Reeces.

Its not even Christmas! Gah. Consumerism is retarded.

My Church

Have I told you about my church? I like it a lot ... It has been a long time since I have really enjoyed a church. It's called Kononia PDX and is located in the St. Johns neighborhood of North Portland, the pastor is my cousen Mandy's husban Nick. Nick and Many just adopted two wonderful boys on Thanksgiving day and are learning very quickly what it means to be parents!



Yesterday we had donoughts and strawberry pastry and a fire. I ruined a pot of coffee by not puting a filter in and we almost used the communion juice for breakfast! There was a fire roaring in under the hearth and christmas icicle lights dangling above canvas artwork. We lost the keys to the cabinet and spent a good fifteen minutes searching everywhere. Finally I went in the Kitchen and asked the Lord to just make the keys appear, just then (seriously that moment!) Celina screamed and I heared the famaliar sound of jingling. Oh Lord, you do take care of your children.



We had I believe sixteen people yesterday, excluding Mandy and the boys (they have yet to make their formal entrance into the church family.) Sixteen, maybe you dont get it, but that is super exciting! There was a new face and in our attempt to be welcoming I fear we were a little overwhelming, we can only pray he saw the intentions of our hearts. The three little girls were really well behaved, they were able to sit at the kids table in the same room as the adults and play with stickers quietely. I was able to color and listen to the sermon, seriously the best of both worlds right there!



Nick gave a great message on the Advent, on what it looks like to get messy. He gives the story example in his blog. We are learning about the Advent Conspiracy theory which started a few years ago by the good people over at Imago Deo church. The theory is that we need to take the money would spend on christmas and give it away, for christmas presents we can make things, or give our time, our presence. I really love this, thought I dont have much money to give, I usually just give presents that I made or involve my time anyway, but it put everything into persepctive.



After church yesterday we had potato soup. It was delisous! Then I spent time with Mandy and Celina as we made a couple house visits and I met a wonderful woman named Cookie. We stopped at Julias house, and saw Jeff and Debbies dogs and chatted with the neighbor whose name we did not know about how much he enjoys the new little boys. We had tea and dropped Many back off, I think I saw little Richard through the window (I have yet to meet the boys.) My day was plesant, I was not in a hury, I anticipated spending my entire dy "at church" which if you havnt caught on by now is not really a place. Well, we do meet in a place, but that is not the essence of it. It is a community, maybe a small community for now, but a community of people living, growing and serving each other. I love my church and want to be a part of it for a long time. I am thankful for the Lord leading me to Portland where I can be a part of this church plant, I only hope that I can serve more and

Oh the Joy

Wiggles.Coffee with gingerbread creamer. Darkness. And not yet six am. Oh the joys of babysitting.

Oh to Sing

I just wanted to add one thing I forgot about last nights blog! After Volleyball, before my bath, I caught the second half of my neighbors watching "Singing in the Rain!" Oh it was heavenly.... I mean, it did infact rain yesterday. And I do love to sing in the rain.

Wonderful Wednesday

Today was a good day. I woke up to it raining! I was in a great mood and well rested. I like Wednesdays, get coffee and have 2 classes back to back in the Library with the cozy seats. It is my only class with Courtney. I am done before noon. My dad showed up randomly and we had lunch at Burgerville, he came bearing gifts of humus and pumpkin bars. (Yes Katy, Pumpkin.:)

Then my favorite, afternoons with Grammy. She was super chipper today. I cleaned out her pantry and found a bottle Mapeline, stuff you use to make your own mapel syrup ... it was from 1979. Harm, can you believe that bottle has been sitting on that shelf since before you were born?! Volleyball was short today, then I cam back and took a BATH in the ARD apartment. Now I am sitting on facebook talking to two of my favorite people.

Autum in P-town

Yesterday I had a day all to myself and it was amazing! It started in the Hollywood district with a stop off at Trader Joe's to pick up a few more boxes of the amazing pumpkin pancake mix (just making sure there is enough to get through the season). I purposefully left my bag in the car so that I would have to buy one inside and splurged to buy the brown one I have had my eye on for a while now. ( I was unable to find a picture of it online to show you all...
Then I had breakfast at Panera Bread, which is becoming one of my most favorite of places, and how convenient that it was right next door to Trader Joe's! I had a pumpkin "Muffie", just like a little muffin thing.
I drove and parked at Lloyd Center and found it odd to be in the place we use to go every day after Thanksgiving, I watched the Double Tree Inns elevator go up and down in its elegant style. The max dropped me off at China town and I walked for an hour and a half seeking out a great coffee shop to do homework. Well, I got lost in Powells books, found Voodoo Donuts, almost bought a dress at Avalon and fed 29 pigeons at Pioneer Square. The max too me back to my car 20 minutes before my four hour time limit was up. I drove next to Mt. Tabor which is super close to my school and did most of my homework, until a dude with a really loud drum interrupted my Spanish pronunciation exercises. Back in the car, to Hawthorne, another attempt at a cool coffee shop. Didn't find one. I sat in the little coffee shop attached to "Powells Hawthorne" and finished up my Pentateuch. I want to go back to Hawthorne.
Gas prices lowered. I bought pumpkin creamer at Safeway. I went back to the dorms and found everyone back from Mid-Semester Break! I watched 7 episodes of the first season of Boy Meets World, Set up the empty room in our hall into a hang out room and went to bed.
I am so glad I live in Portland!

Fall in Oregon.

Today I flew home from a short trip to California with my volleyball team. I don't very much like California.

As the plane began decsent my eyes wandered out the window as they usually do, but I believe that today was the most magnificent landing I have ever experienced on an airplane. Flying north over my favorite downtown I began to count bridges, the plane viered left to make a sharp right, placing us on the west hills outside of the city. Below, all I could see was hundreds and hundreds of trees. This is always such a welcoming sight, to fly into Oregon and to see the trees, the green... but today it was not green, it was very similar to this picture. Down below was a golden sea and it was magnificent! I grabbed Sally and Hannahs attention and we all peered like little children in awe of Fall. Over Suavy Island we flew, noticing this years "Trail Blazer" cut out shape on the hay maze. The rivers, the boats, the cotton candy clouds, but oh the trees.

Thank you Lord for letting ME live here, in such and amazing city, a place that I appreciate and crave thrill in.

A week in the life of a college student

I am giving up on getting my computer fixed anytime soon, I cant even turn it on right now. So, I will revert back to this, a desktop, the computer lounge and a keyboard not quite accustomed to my fingers.

This week was really busy, it was mid terms week already, I couldnt believe it! Week 7 of 14 of this semester. That means I am half way through till Christmas!!!! (only 75 days by the way...) Speaking of, I was totally in Target this morning and one of those little CD preview stations was playing Christmas Music! Oh it was delightful to hear as I stood admiring the sweaters just accross the asile.

Sunday I went to Spanish church, and locked my keys in my car and had to call AAA. On the way home from that I met the homeless lady Joquel. We had a really good conversation and she told me she was just trying to gather $20.00 to buy bird food for her birds foxy and moxy. I am not sure if I believe her or not... but she was a dear lady and I got to pray with her and she was so thankful!

On Tuesday this week all classes were canceled due to an all school outreach day. We were all put into little groups and did outreach in our community (it was mainly yard work for elderly, or feeding the homeless downtown) I had a group of 4. We got our assignment, picked up our tools then loaded into my car. Not sure why we did that consdering I have a two door. We opened the sunroof and put the rakes and shovels in through through the roof, the guys had to climb in the back and hold them out of my driving visibility. We arrived at our house on 72nd st. And Karron waved to us as we parked our car, she was waiting for us to come. She met us in the back yard and we just started cleaning. Ivy was taking everything over, so we mainly just cleaned up, pulled weeds, trimed trees and bushes. She came out and sat on her walker and clipped bushes right with us.

The neighbor next door was another elderly lady who we also had students working for, it was so much fun to be right along side, us talking to the other students, the two elderly ladys talking to each other. We spent about three hours there and had a wonderful time, her yard looked really good. Courtney and I had a chance to pray with her as the guys carried everything to the front yard. It really wasnt an assignment for us to be there.

After leaving Karron I wanted to go back and chat with her. I learned that there use to be a ministry on campus of girls who did follow up with the elderly ladies from Outreach day. I got the information on that minstry and am looking into starting it back up. There seems to be interest here on campus from a number of girls, and there is nothing I would enjoy more then getting to spend time with elderly ladies each week!

Wednesday I was super excited cause it was my grammy day, but my car wouldnt start... I almost called AAA again.

Thursday I participated in a debate in World Christianity about whether Family or Ministry is more important. I had been placed on the Family side. It was fun, but I think it was kinda pointless. I dont think either one is more important, there just needs to be an equal balance. One person put it after it was all over "Ministry is more important but family needs to come first." Anyways I dont want to get in the debate again, but it was a fun experience and I got some extra credit...

Friday I finished up my last of 4 mid terms, then made a calandar for our dorm hall considering the one still up said August/September. Then we had our Senior Night Volleyball game. Mama and Daddy came, Daddy figured out what was wrong with my car (supposedly I have lights on my mirror and they were left on... I didnt even know I had lights there!) So we didnt have to call AAA after all.

Now (Saturday) I am headed to eat. Saturday Morning Brunch is my favorite meal on campus. There is lunch and breakfast stuff. Usually pasta and a waffle bar and so many other wondreful things! Then I get to go spend a few hours with my wonderful, beloved Grammy, She is my favorite person in the world and I feel spoiled that I get to even be around her at all! Then home for a wedding tomorrow.

Its been a good week...

Whats not here is almost

Dear Readers, (A.K.A. Harmony Moore)

It has been brought to my attention that I have not updated my blog in a while, an entire month to be exact. I thought I would bring forward some important information. I have not started a new blog, nor have I stopped writing, I have, instead, had computer mal-fulctions. My laptop has stopped responding and connecting to the internet so there-for my blogs are just not getting posted. I have been writing and have several items to upload sitting in my blogger program on my desktop. I see now that if the internet on my computer is not working I need to find another way to upload my latest posts and I will do that shortly. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention... keep watching this blog, writings are coming!

true Religion

“Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us.” –James 1:27 (New Living)

This caught my eye. Lasting Religion huh? To care for orphans and refuse corruption. The dictionaries basic description of “Religion” is –a set of beliefs. Well, it seems to me that a set of beliefs isn’t getting people to far. Religion is a touchy subject. One usually avoided at first meetings, informal acquaintances, and of course – family re-unions. We talk about the separation of Church and state, and “what religion are you?”

“Oh,” we commonly respond, “I am not religious.” Or “I don’t like religion, I like relationship.” Or…

I myself am caught saying these things, being harsh towards a word that is harsh, that people play up, and play down, towards and action that has been wrongly accused and wrongly portrayed. But I will not stick my head up to what it is – to the pureness of God.

The NIV begins it this way, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:…”

I love what Matthew Henry wrote in his commentary “True religion teaches us to do everything as in the presence of God.”

Hmm… so I am to reach out for those who don’t have what they need, this is not a good idea, it is a necessity, it is and absolute. Not a choice, a command. I like this command. I like knowing what lasts.

Pure, Lasting, Faultless

Sensible?

Not but two minutes have passed since the completion of my reading Sense and Sensibility. Some of you know the struggle it was for me to complete this literary masterpiece – but I did finish.

I have had a two day average on book reading this summer, this particular book took me twenty and seven days from start to finish. I have begun this book at least five times over the years, but was never drawn in enough to finish.

Harmony has been talking to me about the elegant writing of Jane Austin and how much I would truly enjoy it if I would simply get past the first few chapters. I got through the first ten and was still struggling, but my mom encouraged me to keep going.

I got through the next 10 chapters and still found myself re-reading pages to try to grasp the previous described events. I had to go ever so slow, not my normal speed reading, and it was somewhat confining to not just whip through the pages with ease.

Sarah was of great comfort to me when I shared my difficulties with her this week, encouraging me again, to finish. That the last third would be the best (that was exactly where I was) and that next time I should choose a book I have not seen the movie too, perhaps Mansfield Park. Very good advise Sarah, I should have followed that from the beginning when my conscious told me that… but I was too cheap to buy something I didn’t own.

The past two days I read more than I have the past 20 combined. I reached the end of the book and it became thrilling. I opted to sit alone, with classical music on, and read it almost out loud, really grasping every word. How much clearer it was then when SpongeBob was not cackling in the background!

Oh how wonderful the ending. Even though I was not able to imagine the faces of the charters because Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant were pictured on the front… I enjoyed it immensely. The writing was sensational, I feel somewhat smarter and have an urge to use large words.

Thank you Jane for this book. I will read Mansfield Park… but for now, I will head back to my beloved Anne, the sixth book should be arriving in my mail box and I checked out seven and eight from the library to finish off the series. My devotion still lies to L. M. Montgomery.

I don't really need my snack

We drove grim faced towards the Library, away from the Movie Theatre that was not showing the free kids movie. Each was sulking somewhat silently in their seat about having to once again go to that big building full of nothing but… books. Nearing a red light I rolled up my window as I most often do when I anticipate stopping next to a Beggar. His sign read: Anything helps, God bless.

“What’s that say?” asked curious “Middle Joy*.” I read it to her.

“Well, why does it say that?” she bequeathed?

“When people don’t have a house to live in, or they don’t have a job, or they they are hungry, they ask for help. That man is probably hungry and so he is standing in a public place asking for money or food.” I replied all while trying to ignore the stare of the cardboard sign 7 feet from my car door.

“Well,” she responded as we turned the corner. “I think we should give him something, do you have lots of money Big Heather? He is probably really hungry… can I give him my snack? I am not really hungry for my snack, I just want my jerky… then can I give him the rest of it?”

“Yes Middle Joy, if you want to give that man your snack, you may do that, lets see what other snacks we have too, ok?” I pulled back around 5 blocks of one-way downtown streets and found myself back where we started. I parked the car next to the curb and took Middle Joy by the hand right up to the gawking, sign holding man.

We exchanged names and shook hands (this is customary for me and all Homeless people I  transverse with. I find it is much more personal than shoving a bag out a window, it shows I am not afraid of them and am interested in who they are when I am able to repeat their name back to them.") I explained to Roger that Middle Joy was wanting to give up her snack for him that day, and he looked humbly honored.

We walked back to the car and Middle Joy took my hand “It sure is better to give than to receive, isn’t it Big Heather? I hope that man doesn’t feel hungry anymore.”

Roger waved and shouted a last “Thank You!” (We heard his words because this time my window was down.) As we neared the Library, Middle joy was the only one of the 4 in the car not chowing  down on her snack. I had to wonder, how much was Roger enjoying his half a baggie full of stale cheese its, broken saltines, princess fruit snacks, cold popcorn and crumpled dollar bill. I would like to believe that he became full… and that the gift given from an un-selfish heart was received with thanks.

*For the sake of Security I have named the family I Nanny for the Joy’s. Middle Joy is representing the middle aged girl.

Obsessed

Tonight I saw the movie Julie & Julia. It was a bi-story line that followed the lives of Julia Child and a girl named Julie who was obsessed with Child and set out to cook all 554 of her recipes and blog about it. I’ll tell you it made me want to cook… and to blog. Considering that I didn’t have the ingredients or facilities in which too cook a French Delicacy… I opted out to simply blog.

 

I understand Julie’s need to obsess… and her desire to blog about it.Even thought she became frustrated at the blogging world and became convinced that no-one but her mother was reading her work… she still wrote. Most days, I think my mom is one of the only ones who reads this thing. I am not setting out on a daring feat, nor am I seeking to gain online attention… but I connect with Julie.

 

I’ve been pretty obsessed with school lately, and the past 3 days, I have talked about Courtni Black… a lot. Courtni is to be my new room mate at Multnomah, and although we don’t meet until Saturday, I feel like I am already getting to know her… and I am pretty darn excited about it. Courtni, if you read this, welcome to my blog… I am sure you will be in here lots with the coming future. Heather and Lauren if you are reading this… I’m sorry for being obsessed and talking of nothing else… would it help if I cooked you something yummy to eat?

The Beach

 

I drove to Florence via the coast route, I think that is Hwy 101? It was really pretty and I am glad that the state has preserved this old highway, I hope they continue to preserve it. I had fun watching all the travelers and tourists and first time Oregon Coasters. The light houses, the sail boats, the sandy kids, the smell of salt water toffee and kettle corn. I’ve always liked the beach, liked looking at it, but I have never wanted to live there. I just don’t think I would enjoy it too much. I like that the coast here is cold, and foggy… I would prefer to be here during a storm than any other day! Being at the beach just reminds me of all the beach trips I have taken….

 

Wilkeson

Today I went to Wilkeson, Washington with my Family. Its in the foothills of Mt. Rainer. A small town, forgotten by most – except for those who have never left. We met Roger Peleski, an 84 year old resident who had lived in the 400 population town his whole life. He mined. He rock Quarried. His house is the city museum. He told us of “Coke” Kilns, railroad tracks, 900 foot mines and his elementary school. I think he wanted someone to listen.

Then, I bought a chest at a garage sale for $25.00. I’ve been looking for one for years now; to put in things like treasures and letters and things valuable to my heart. I am going to work on restoring and sealing it… if I can figure out how. Thank you Aunt Sherry for sacrificing your fingers to put it and my bookshelf in the van.

Highschool Dumbness

I watched a couple dumb high school movies tonight. They were about rejection and discrimination and loners. They singled out on clicks, bullies, victims and victimizers. They were a terribly true display of reality - in an unrealistic way. I just read a book of stories from girls who were involved in being bullied, or were bullies themselves. It was called Odd Girls Speak Out. I've been studying relationships and personality traits and social justice - these ridiculous movies summed it all up for me.

I like the idea of homeschooling. I like that parents are involved in what goes on in their kids lives. I like all of it.

Here I come

I am going to school this fall, and I am pretty excited about it. I never thought I would... go to school that is. I just wasnt something I wanted to do. I liked what I did. After I got back from Asia I realized I could not just keep working and traveling, eventually it would get old.

Harmony was the one who told me to go. She told me why I needed to. Why I would like it. Why I would not like it. She told me also what I would regret if I did not go. Sisters know sisters best. I decided to listen to my sister. Thanks Harmony.

I never realized that by going to school I would be doing so many of the things I have been longing to do : live in Portland, experience drm life, have a large group of friends my age, be closer to Grammy, learn spanish, lead, worship and grow. I am excited for school with a passion I have not felt for many other things. I know this is right. I don't know the answers to all the questions, I don't have it all figured out. But I know it is right.

Thank you Mama for talking to the Financial Aid Lady. Thank you Daddy for jumping on board. Thank you Sarah for giving me the low down on everything Multnomah.

College here I come.

My knight in shining armour

Every little girl has fairy tale fantasies of being rescued. We want to be locked in a tower or stuck in a terrible perdicament so that we can have a knight in shining armour come and save the day! We like to be helped, but not helpless. We like to fee safe and secure.

I have found my knight. Every day I spent a significant amount of time in harms way, but I do no fear. I dont worry about what will happen is somthing goes wrong, because I know I will be recsued. I just have to make a quick phone call and I am taken care of. Help on the way, confirmation at my fingertips.

I am talking about AAA of course. A first car in our society is suppose to be ghetto, and Hippo is pretty ghetto. The air conditioner squeaks, the heater squeals, the right speaker is fuzzy, the defroster doesn't defrost, the wipers don't do much wiping, the bumper hits the ground, the passenger window doesn't roll down, the drivers door doesn't have a handle, and the newest addition is that my super cool spoiler is only 1/3 attached. But I like my car. It still runs, well kinda, at least until a few days ago. But I am confident that he will run again, last time I just put a band aid on the hood, anointed i with oil and hoped back in.... its been running great!

I should be embarrassed of my car, but I am not. Because it is mine. I paid for it with money that I earned. I love my car and am proud of its almost 130,000 miles. I feel safe driving it because I know that AAA will come rescue me, anywhere, anytime. I love calling, saying I need towed home and then save gas by getting to ride in an air-conditioned cab! I love feeling taken care of, and rescued. So thanking you AAA my knight, perhaps all my car needs now is another band aid.

4321

4 Times I have called AAA
3 of those times a car was towed
2 of those times it was my car
1 of those times was yesteray

Not California

I was suppose to go to California with Sharell this week… then my car decided to get sick. We decided not to go. Sharell went with some other friends on a mini-trip and I stayed home to enjoy not doing anything: reading, beading, gone-with-the-wind, and frantically trying to finishing my tie skirt. It was really nice.

Thursday after a game of Volleyball at the Rays, Hannah invited me to go Backpacking the next day. After some apprehension, I agreed and Friday afternoon I was hiking up a hill with a 20lb pack. We went swimming in freezing water and swatted at mesquites. We made a fire and swatted at mosquitoes. We played a game of cards and swatted at mesquites. Did I mention that we had some mosquito visitors?

It was bad. Bed came before the sun, and we huddled in our sleeping bags beneath the open sky for about 10 hours… not really sleeping. A quick breakfast, sloppy packing and we ran down the mountain… swatting at mesquites. We came home 24 hours early, feeling slightly defeated… and oh so itchy.

I have about 300 bites. On my right leg alone I lost count at 150. I got bit through my pants and long sleeve shirt… I guess the little bugs like lotion.

As miserable as this all sounds, this was an absolutely wonderful week. I accomplished things, and spent time doing nothing, and backpacked. I have not yet spent time with Sharell… but we will make up for it. I am just working on not touching my right leg.

the Not post

I got on here and started writing a blog about Jon and Kate Gosslin, but I decided that it sounded too much like all the other articles I have read. I don’t want to repeat gossip or focus on the lives of 2 people, because the enemy uses that to take attention off of our King. I think I am not going to get caught up in a TV show again.

Face Paints and Friendship

I spent 6 1/2 hours at my moms school today. I volunteered to be a face painter for the last day of schools Field Day. I think I painted a few hundred faces. I had a piece of paper showing what I could do... but that didnt seem to stop kids from asking me to do stuff like "dragons" and "teletubies" and "skulls" and "horses" and "mexican flag". and and and...

I loved being around elementary age kids again, they cracked me up! One girl inparticular, one of the few I actually knew, really got me smiling. She got a really cool cat face with wiskers and the whole deal and told the girl behind her that was what she needed to get, the girl argued because she had something else in mind. "I'll be your best friend if you get it!" There was silence and she walked away hoping with all hopes that the girl would take up her offer, after all she was auctioning herself off as a best friend for the price of a simple face picture. The girl got to me, I wondered what she would do, would she succomb to the pressure. Just as was about to encourage her out of it... she said "Can I have a little butterfly and a flower?" She looked up with almost fearful eyes, I smiled and said "You absoltly can, what a great choice!" I am glad that she didnt walk away with a "new BFF" today.

My Field

This evening I was sitting in my field. The grass was tall, did I really sled down this same hill in January? I squished bugs in my fingers. I was sheltered from the wind. I looked up in the sky at watched an airplane go by, its white smoke leaving a skidmark behind. I am glad I am not on that airplane. I am glad I am here sitting in my field.

Nana

Her face had 117 wrinkles. Her hands had 201 between the pair. She wore a colored silk scarf over her wispy white hair and it draped into her stained kaki jacket. “Nana” was curled in the corner of a closed shop’s door stop. She was selling little Kleenex packets, about 15 sitting in a wicker basket next to another basket with one layer of coins. I walked past her slowly but as I got to the corner her face was imprinted in my head. I went back to “Nana” and knelt down so to be more eye level. She was frail and tiny and worn. She motioned to me that she Kleenex was 5 baht. (Equal to like 20 cents) I gave her a bigger bill then slowly took hold of her porcelain hands. I wanted to scoop her up into my arms and protect her from the world, from the jeering people who walked by and don’t look back (like I almost did.) I wanted to protect her from sickness and hunger and pain. I wanted to hold all her fears in my hands. But as I walked on I knew that God was holding her in his hands. He has her pain and her sickness and her hungry and her worries. He has her in his hands. On the way back to my hotel all I wanted to do was to go back and sit with her, but I knew God was… and he is sitting with all the other lonely people sitting with outstretched hands as well.

Layover in Bangkok

Riding in the orange taxi, driving on the wrong side of the road, listening to Taylor Swift sing her heart out, I feasted my eyes on the things outside. An elephant, and open air karaoke bar, Pizza Company, street venders, palm trees, and thirteen 7/11’s.

A crazy trip with the bro

We spent 18 hours on a train and got to Chung Du at 6 am. A map bought just outside the station directed us to the correct bus which would lead to the center of town; there we assumed we could find a Starbucks. It was there in all its glory sitting one floor below the golden arches. We waited at the door for it to open at 7:30. Free wifi, 2 frappichinos and many questions the English speaking employee later, we headed towards our hostel. Took a tour bus for three hours to see the giant Buddha, took a couple pictures, climbed down and returned to the city. Ate at a Thai restaurant near the train station, had mangos and sticky rice for an appetizer. Back to the hostel to chat with our roommates, the Hungarian Brothers. End of Day one.

Up again at 6 am, this time in a van on the way to the Panda reserve. Saw baby pandas, big pandas, drunk pandas and red pandas. Watched a funny movie. Bought some panda souvenirs. Matthew and an interesting conversation with the Ausie couple; she was a Christian and he didn’t understand it. Back in Chung Du we went to the American Embassy, it was nice to be in a place where I knew my rights were my rights! I could be a Christian, I could salute the flag, I could know I was safe. Watched happy Chinese students walk out holding accepted visas, smiles on their faces. Ate lunch at a Tex Mex, had Nachos with cheese and Vanilla Coke! Wandered the streets, found funny shops, and after a long time… a Starbucks. Tried to see a movie at the theater, but none were in English. (A week later we found out that Matthews word for “English” had been “Music” so I guess we were asking for music movies the whole time, perhaps they had an English movie after all. Ha!) Went to Hooters for dinner, witnessed to the waitress and gave her my email. The girls were trying to be something they were not and put on a pretty funny show dancing to songs like “YMCA.” Tried to find some evening entertainment and walked towards a 90ft bowling pin on top of a building. Made fools out of ourselves trying to do “tricks” next to the professionals in lane 6. They thought it was so disgusting that I LAID DOWN on the floor, but when I got more pins down with that move than Matthew, they cheered. Even though Matthew one both games. Tried our hand at ping pong, but were shamefully disgracing the sport. Matthew won the left handed game until later that he admitted he cheated by continually switching back to his right hand. So because of his cheating I won the night. Isn’t that how it always works out? Some how I always win. J At the hostel we watched Kung Fu Panda on a projector that shone on the wall in the “movie room.” Climbed in our bunk beds, chatted with the Hungarians who had once lived in Oregon, and fell asleep. That was a really weird day, day two.

Chiner

My mom says she checks blogs every night. Those of us that blog go through phases, we don't write for a while... then we write a whole bunch all at once! I am trying to be more on top of it Mama.

So I am in China now. The first day I arrived in Thailand, I said to myself, "I could live here!". But I have decided I would not really like to live in Thailand. It is really hot, and the big city of Bangkok just becomes a little annoying. Phuket, by the beach, it was nice... but I like to simply visit beaches, they are less cool if you live by them. The first day I was here in China, I thought to myself "I don't think I could live here." But now... I think I very well could.

Its not amazingly gorgeous here, in fact, it is kinda dirty. Dusty. Hazy. The streets are uneven, the cars are pushy, the people are pokey, the food is spicy... but I like it. Matthew says China is magical, unlike any place in the world. I suppose he is right. The more places I see, the more they are alike, and China is alike many other things.... but it is magical.

The people here are strictly Chinese. They don't try to be western. The food looks like other asian dishes, but it is its own. There is a culture here found no where else, like nothing else.

Sa-wa-tee-ka (Hello)

My first day here Matthew and I had hour long massages for 6 bucks. I have never had a massage before, most of it was pretty good - but she was really hard. It was relaxing though.

Our favorite food is from a little restaurant called "Charlie Browns" They have our favorite fried rice and pad Thai and coconut shakes.

We like the fountain pool better than the turtle pool because it gets the morning sun. Zoe is much to addicted to the Barney I decided to bring her. Matthew Hallie and I can not get the song "Yum Yum Pumpernickel, Yum Yum Pumpernickel..." Out of our heads! Ahhhhh.

My Birk's are giving me a bit of a rash, so I am wearing my Havanas - I suppose that's good cause Bangkok is prone to flash rain storms. And everyone knows you cant get Birk's wet. Speaking of Rain, we have had two major thunder storms. Zoe really likes them, she is not afraid. When we had a big one last night we went up on the roof so we could see lightening all around!

I didn't bring any reading books with me, I thought I would read the books I brought for Bro... but I have been deeply missing my kindred spirits of Avenlea... so I stooped to the level of reading Anne of the Island in the online format. It is the same story, but not the smell or feel of holding it in my hands. Halz says I should go to a used book store and buy the rest of the series here since I would have to buy them when I get home anyway... I just really need to finish the story!

I have ridden on the back of a motorcycle twice and in a Tuk Tuk twice. I prefer the moto. The Tuk Tuk is three wheeled and it reminds me too much of the tragic incident I was in with Amanda and Heather. I like that the taxi drivers here don't smoke like in Armenia, I feel respected.

The malls here are pretty much the same as they are in the rest of the world, perhaps a big bigger though. They make me want to walk around for 8 hours. I know I would go crazy. I think it would be easier to live in a place away from malls... where you didn't know they existed, it would sure help with overcoming temptation if the temptation was not even there to begin with!

I have been to the outdoor market once, I want to go again, and again , and again. There are so many things to see and smell and buy. I bought a sarong, I really want a few more - to stock up for the rest of my life!

Matthew and I went to a movie tonight, they are pretty cheep here. The theaters are modern looking but elaborate. Inside the rooms are golden weaved curtains that give the appearance. Matthew went out for popcorn when the little message popped on the screen that read "please stand in honor of his majesty the King". And there was this little song and sideshow and everyone stood in honor. I was in the front row, so I stood... but I was not sure if I was to do anything else, so I kept trying to look besides me and behind me to see... but I couldn't really tell. I decided that whatever happened I could pull the "dumb American" card, it usually works pretty well.

I sleep on the floor next to sliding glass doors that look out over the pool and further out over the city, I cant help but waking with the day each morning. I like it alot.

Being with my brother and Hallie and Zozee and Esther. Hallie and are enjoying relaxing, watching shows, eating sticky rice with mango's, sun bathing and laughing about many things. Zobo thinks I came all the way here just for her (perhaps that is because that is what I have told her?) And because my "magic bag" as she calls it keeps producing "surprises" every few minutes. Esther is the happiest baby I have ever known, her smile is pure energy. Being with Dude is totally fun, each time we are apart we just get to be a little more cool. I know he wants my heart to stay here, perhaps it will. I especially enjoy watching his relationship with Zo... it reminds me so much of the one that he and I once had. The way she watches him and looks up to him and responds to him, only this time he has say in what she does! It is super fun.

I like Bangkok. But I am excited to leave and travel to another city, one perhaps a little quieter, a little less busy. I want to see nature and elephants...

Bangkok

Well, I am going to Bangkok Tailand. It is now official. I was going to go to China in June, but well... I like to do things last minute!

I am meeting Matthew and Hallie and my two Neices in Bangkok. I will be there a few weeks, I am going to help out with the girls while Hallie has some stuff done. I am so excited! Even though it is supposedly like 100 degrees there. ICK.

After Tailand I am hoping to go back to China for a while, see where they live, get involved with their work and do a little traveling with Matthew. I know he wants to capture my heart so I will never desire to leave ... well just see how that goes. :)

I will be accsible while I am gone. I will have my computer and internet when it is available. I also have a new telephone number, so write it down. It will direct you straight to my computer, you can leave me voicemails, I can call you back, its pretty sweet. The best part? It is a 503 number so it will cost you nothing to call me.

Hmmm.... So incase your wondering why you are just hearing about this, its because I am too! I just heard the idea like last thursday, then saturday I decided I would go, then last night I found out I was leaving in like 2 days! So I have been running and driving like a crazy lady to day. (crazy as in doing lots of things, using almost a full tank of gas... not crazy like unsafe) I still have yet to pack, and I am leaving tomorrow at noon! AHHHHH.

I am simply excited. There has been no time for pre-conceived ideas. I am just going. So I apoligize if I had plans with you... I guess they are being post- poned. Feel free to contact me the next two days by calling my regular cell, or email me any questions you might have. I am sorry I could not have written you all individually... there is just not enough time. I love you all.
I am leaving tomorrow with my parents to drive to San Fransisco where I will fly out from on Thursday. I will return May 26, then drive home to be here in time for Sharells Graduation. (She swears she would kill me with her own two hands if I didn't show up.)

Hurting, Faking, Burning, Building, Freeing

All around me people hurt, people hurt

All around me people hurt, and they are crying out... to me?

I see their faces faking it, faking it

I see their faces faking it, but they are burning undearneath.

Every day a wall is built, a wall is built, a wall is built

Every day a wall is built, and I wonder of their hope.

Deep inside I know the truth, I know the truth

Deep inside I know the truth, and the truth will set them free.

1 year

March 10 marked the one year anniversary of me being home. Those of you who know me, know what I am talking about. Haha, its like I judge time by how far before or after it was from Hungary. Maybe I do do that, I judge time by my trips, and that was the biggest of trips. Hmmmm.

Anyways, I was thinking about a year ago, you should go check out some of my blogs from then. I wrote that sitting in the Seatle Airport. In the United States of America. 2 hours from HOME.

Some of it seems pretty silly to me now, what a big deal it all was. I love that I live in a time and culture where traveling is normal, where people dont make any big deal of me saying "I think I am going to go to China." And I am! If all goes well I will be there in June to visit my wonderful family.

When I got home last year, I claimed I would not be culture shocked. Oh but I was, the longer I was home the more shock that seemed to follow. Yes it was all as I rememberd, but I could just not seem to live the way that I had rememberd.

Last year Matthew and Hallie were living here. Zoe slept in the room right across from mine. I spent every day trying to find a job. My friends were all in school. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. Part of me wanted to go back to Budapest. I was pretty lazy for a while, and completely un-motivated.

Well, I have a job (3 actually) and a car, and I have plans for my future, and I am an only child again, and I am busy, and I am absolutly loving life. I have short hair. I am 20. I am starting to gain some authority and leadership again. Heather says I look so much older, I think I kinda do. I still dont like being called a Woman, that sounds like old and ... blah.

Some days, like today, I miss YWAM. I miss the community and the people and the smells and the noise. But I am so happy to be here, it is where I need to be for now.

Thank you at least

At Outback I noticed that I heard the word "thank you a lot" so last week one evening I decided to try and keep track throughout the evening. At the end of the night, I took my sticky note from my pocket and added up all the random numbers. I heard the phrase "thank you" 208 times within my 4 hour shift. Thats one almost every minute. Now, mind you that those were only the ones that I acounted for.

It just made me happy. It gets anoying yes, and repetitive, becuase with each 208 "thank yous" there were 208 "your welcomes". I answer every one. But, at least it was a decent phrase being exchanged. At least there is a level of politeness left in people. At least it was not F--- and #$@ and "BEEP". At least that. So, it may be a little over used, but at least it is used. At least that.

My Birthday!

So, Yesterday was my birthday. It was one of the greatest days ever.

My cousin Amanda come down and spend the night with me the night before. I was so happy to see her! At 5:30 am, Abbey texted me and I was so excited that I just kept texting her till good after 6. Then I fell back asleep. At 7:11 Heather and Lauren and my Mom came prancing into my room singing "its your birthday, your 20, its your perfect day outside, its raining, its your birthday!" And they were throwing balloons - at Amanda. I had to sit up so they would see which lump in the bed I was. So then we exited the room seeing that Amanda had covered her head with blankets.

Lauren brought me 2 coffees from Starbucks, see bought me 1 but brought me 2. I was happy for coffee seeing I had had less that 5 hours sleep. Then Sharell showed up late and complained that Heather and Lauren did not inform her well enough of the mornings events. HA! So I sat around with them until they had to go to school.

I took work off for the whole day and was pretty excited. My Dad wanted to take me to breakfast but I wasn't feeling much for food seeing I had had Applebees the night before, 2 coffees for breakfast and was in the middle of trying to make a cheesecake. You can still take me out to breakfast Daddy!

Amanda woke up and told me she "hated" my friends for waking her so loudly so early in the morning, ah its all good Amanda.

Her and I got in the car, went to Starbucks (she got me a breakfast sandwich I was not about to have anymore coffee) And we made our way to the beach. I am always amazed at how short a trip it is . So just over an hour later, we arrived and made our way all through the outlet mall, taking stupid videos the whole time. ( I am working on putting all those videos together to put on here. Then I had Mo's for lunch. Yum! Clam chowder and Mashed potatoes (and enchiladas for dinner!) We touched the beach, but it was really cold, then we drove home

At home I started to try and finish my cheesecake, but it ended up a total disaster, it didn't cook all the way and the oven got turned off at some point during the cooking and ya, it was bad... but I will make it again. The the girls came over, Kirsten was my present. :) I put a bow on her. Oh and Amanda made Aaron come too. Always the guy with all the girls, but I miss him. Then Sharells car got Saran wrapped and they started to do the van but someone went outside and they went away. We think they were guys from school who knew where Sharell was... obviously high school guys who still think I drive my moms mini-van. Which I don't. (See blog about car. Which by the way, I did buy... I will pay it off in a few weeks!)

I talked to my sister on the phone. And mommy potter left me a great message on my phone. And Hallie, Esther and Zoe called me through skype and Zoe sang me the happy birthday song and ABC's (mixed which Chinese things) like 3 times! And I talked to my Grammy for 41 seconds and it made me super happy!

Hmmm it was happy. My mom absolutely loved having people over, and giving Aaron food, and listening to us all laugh from the other room. I got a super amazing orange chair, I think I am going to take the cushion back and get a green one though, it is much more practical... but for today I will enjoy the orange.

Thank you Jesus for days where we feel blessed, for days when you shower us with your goodness. I was amazed by your glory yesterday, the rain, the sun, the rainbow, the friends, the food, the happy feeling inside. I know that every day can be like the when I am with you, but thank you for making yesterday especially great.

Romania

Romania was cold. The snow covered the dirty ground. The buildings were old, they reminded me of war. I went to an old castle, what must have lived there once upon a time? I like that the streets were of cobblestone, it felt old… I think it was. I remember the smell of cabbage. I don’t like cabbage… but our Romanian mama made cabbage taste good.

I remember the living room we practiced in, the ugly design on the couch, the decorations that reminded me of the Carriagas house. The TV that played the Disney channel. The kitchen table that didn’t have enough chairs for us to eat at the same time, how we would “share chairs”.
In Romania I wore the same clothes every day, I had decided to bring as little as possible with me on our driving trip. My feet were always cold. My head was always sweaty, I had a really good hat. It was cold in the house, when we got back, I would put my slippers on and race Abbey to the bed where we would jump in our sleeping bags and stay there until it was absolutely necessary to remove ourselves from them. Usually because the bathroom was free, and we all needed the bathroom because of the cabbage (or water, or something wonderful we put into our bodies). I liked the bath tub. If I was privileged enough to get time alone, I took a bath. I liked that bath tub, the water was really hot.

I liked the little room off of the girls room. The room we would go to have alone time. The room where we would write and pray and cry and sleep. The little room where I wrote Christmas wishes to my family, where I questioned my purpose, the room where I waited for God to respond. In that room I saw it start to snow, a gentle answer from God.

We didn’t really like Romania. There was too much politics. We felt we didn’t do enough ministry. We were all eager about Christmas in Bulgaria. We struggled through following leadership. I sludge through nightly meetings, and morning meetings, and afternoon meetings. We practiced our skit for the gazalionith time - and finally…. Performed it. We were annoyed. We went to McDonalds to get internet. I didn’t like McDonalds. I wanted to be home.
I am listening to the song EVERYTHING right now, the skit that our group did in Romania… and I was taken back. To all the smells and flavors and sights and feelings. How our life then seems like a movie now. I don’t want to back time up and have to go through it again, but I am glad I was in Romania. I cant go to a McDonalds without thinking of that safe Haven of connection to home. I cant see a cabbage or red slippers or cobblestone or the Disney channel or snow - not without thinking of my Dear Romania.

After writing and thinking about the whole Anne of Green Gables thing, now I am sucked back into this life… I see how easy it is to be taken into another “world” per say, but the reality is the world in which I am living now. And thank goodness this is the world I want to be in.

ANNE

I just finished watching the last of the Anne of Green Gables movies my mom gave me for Christmas. I watched them by myself, I was too impatient to find someone to watch them with. I think my mom was jealous that I watched them late at night without her. (Don't worry Mama, I'll gladly watch them again... anytime... again and again and again...)

I got sucked into the story. Don't we all? I remember being in the play in 8th Grade. I remember being so sucked in, I really believed I was one of Anne's friends. No other story in the world hits me as intimatly as does the story of Anne. I feel I belong on Prince Edward Island, and my boosom friend Diana is waiting there for me to take a walk on the shore line. I dream of once again letting my eyes rest on Green Gables, taking a swim in Barys Pond (aka the lake of shining waters) I am even in love again with the poem 'The Lady of Shalot'

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web of colors gay
She has heard a wisper say
A curse be on her if she stay
To go down to Camelot....

I know, I know... I am a bit of a freak at the moment. But I just ended the series! I am caught up in it all, ok? I have this urge to read the series now, I would have to purchase it of course, which causes another problem of buying more books to replace the ones I have not yet read. In 8th Grade I got caught up in the story, I had to let it go. I had to accept that it was my imagination (at least I have an imagination!). I had to really step back from the story for a while...perhaps that is what I will have to do with this as well.

It is just so good. So pure. So innocent. A story of true love, friendship, and kindred spirits. I admire that my mom watched this with me and Harmony, that we grew to love it... that my Dad can even quote it... and though he wont admit it, I am sure Matthew could tell you of all the scenes of the wonderful plot as well. It is this special movie, that will remain special as I watch it with my friends, and with someday, my daughters, and as I watch it again and again and again. So for now, good bye Green Gables.

I remain yours, Heather ANNE with an 'E'.

Wish List

Hey Check out my new little icon to the right. It is my amazon wishlist. (Thanks to Abbey) You should make one too! It is a great way to send each other little surprises of books and other thins. It is a cheep way too, you will notice that all books can be purchased much cheeper when bought used. So you should check out my list, then make a list of your own!

Straw Lady

I was sitting at Shari's last night with Justine. This lady walked from the "lounge" area past our table and we had to stop mid-sentence to laugh. She was wearing a floor length red fuzzy poncho. Wanna be Birks covered her feet and a bus pass/wallet hung from her neck. The outfit was toppoed off with this like straw sun hat. (in February, in Shari's) She walked by a couple of times and we silently giggled. At one point we were just like, "seriously?" it was like the 6th time she walked past us, so I watched. She went to the Atm, then walked back. Less than 10 minutes later, she wa back to the Atm. She was getting money out, playing lotto, then returning to the machine for more money. Each time she took out $40.00. She went to the machine at least 8 times. We suddenly stopped laughing and felt a deep sadness. We stoppoed right there at our table and prayed for her, holding hand with our eyes open, I wonder what other people thought. I dont care. We prayed for deliverence from her addiction, and freedom, and joy. I am happy I dont gamble.

Things that I like

I like...

Cooking
Writing
Reading
Laughing
Grocery Shopping
Typing on my laptop
Organizing my room
Traveling
Being on an airplane
Looking at my passport
Dreaming
Wearing comfy clothes that my friends hate!
Floating in water
Trying new things
Making things for people
Old people
Stories
Treasure Boxes
Kids
Being alone
Packing
Washing my car
Sending letters to people
Watching the news
Rain in the summer
Babysitting
Free things
Playing Cards
Teaching People
Ironing my clothes
Trying to talk with people whose language I dont speak
Learning spanish
Being looked up to
Weddings
Holding babieis
Busy days
Going to the movie theatere
Bible Studies
Small Group Worship time
Orphanages
Homeless people
Sharing a room with 5 girls
European Chocolate
Romanian cash
The Chain Bridge
Open Air Markets
Coffee
Hats
Cabin life at camp
The memory of Sunday mornings
Christmas Eve day's traditions
My Mommy's enchilladillas
My Grammy
Reading about the Holocost
That is is ok that I dont know what I want to be when I grow up
Eating ice cream on snowy days
The smell of old books
Almond Extract
Reading old journals
Barbies
Sitting in my room with candles and worship music
Watching people at airports
Listening to someone play the guitar
Singing
Thinking about things that I like

Things I do not like

Hmmm since I am thinking about things about me, and because Harmony and Hallie have done this, I think I will write about things I dont like... then about things that I do.

I dont like....

dis respectful kids
ADD boys
people who make chewing noises
complaining
pants that show butts
steyrafoam
mice
scremo music
fake people
toys with like one noise
waking up early in the morning
mustard
onions
scallions
pickles
school
being bored
cursing
bad drivers
hot days
being hot
high heels
money
lavender
velvet
TV
Lots of stuff
locks on doors
clothes
slow days
math
disorganized kitchens
dirty dishes
shopping for clothes

25 Things

This is for those of you who perhaps do not have Facebook. I wrote a note of 25 random things about me.

1)I would love life most if I could just volunteer and never work for money.
2)I really do like some hardcore music.... sometimes I listen to the one or two songs I have on repeat.
3)I like the look of books on my shelf probably more than I enjoy reading them.
4)Orange is my favorite color, but I dont have very many orange things.
5)I always have to have some sort of instrument in my room, cause like the books, I like to look at it, maybe someday i will learn to play.
6)I absolutly love being in the kitchen
7)I adore Kids! and coloring books!
8)My deepest thoughts come after 1 am
9)I like the smell of insense burning
10)I enjoy getting rid of things
11)I dont like money
12)I hope to someday live out of the country
13)I am happiest when barefoot
14)I do not enjoy putting clothes away
15)Rain is pretty much the best thing ever
16) I like to just drive
17)I like going to places where all I can see is nature, where all I can see are things that could have been here 2000 years ago, not powerlines or electricity or noise. Just God.
18)I like the smell of old peoples homes
19)I like shaking homeless peoples hands
20)I collect thimbols
21)Someday I will publish a book
22)I really do like to sing and dance
23)Once my mind is made up, I am unstopable
24)I would rather wear cordoroys than jeans
25)I prefer following to leading

The Power of Words

Tonight at work on the the girls said "You look really nice tonight." That made me smile.

Then a few hours later, when it was really busy, an angry man came up to the podium and accused me of dis-honesty and scrutinized my character. He bitterly left, taking his family with him and quite upset that he had to wait longer than I had quoted him.

Later, I was holding the door for a woman moving turtle like with her walker. I commented on how wonderful it was that her husband was getting the car for her. "Oh Yes, my prince charming." I had to smile that she was so much in love. She proceeded to say " Thank you so much for walking me out. You are very sweet. Drive safe home tonight." And I assured her I would.

So, three comments made to me tonight. two of them were compliments, one was critical. What I found interesting as I drove home was how much the negative comment ate at me. I keep role playing the situation over and over in my mind, wondering what I could have done different to not have been wrongly accused. I believe there is nothing I could have done.

It just got me thinking about the power of words. I know I am not a dis-honest person. I know that the first and latter comments are more accurate in describing me. But still, words stick... I need to remember that.

Jonathan

Jonathan was at College Group tonight, he is there about once a month. I spent the early years at peoples church with him in my sunday school class, I think my mom watched his sister. he was always weird. and now he is tall, and kinda stinky.

He came to Dennys tonight, he likes to come to Dennys. I think he likes feeling included. We like having people along! He told me that his mom kicked him out of his house cuase they fight too much. " Do you think you do?" " Ya" was his guilty reply.

"So Now I am living downtown. With my friends, you know. We slept under the bridge last night, I didnt sleep very well... We have to get to the Mission before they close... they close too early. Jeff invited me to sleep at his house tonight, but him and his wife go to sleep at 10, we wont be done at Dennys by 10, besides I have to leave when they get up at 6, I hate waking up at 6... I think I will just go back downtown. I might be going to Vancover this week, I might have job, I just need 1200 dollars, then I will go to Australia."

He came to Dennys, nobody new anything, they just thought he was, ya know, Jonathan. They didnt know that my $4.60 was buying him and I both dinner. They didnt know that the back back he had pushed under his feet was all he owned. They didnt know that he stinks becuase he hasnt been able to get to a shower. They didnt know.

I offered to take him to Jeffs, but he decided not too, it was too late. He said he had a friend nearby who would let him in and he opted to walk anyway. He's only like 17. I had never seen him so hopeless. He has gone to Peoples church for as long as I could ever remember, and now he is on the street and he is still making an effort to go, despite the jeering from his street friends. I decided something else. Homelessness is awkward, kinda like death... because it is just not suppose to be. It's one of those things that we want to fix, and cant. I didnt have any cash on me to give Jonathan. I didnt have a place to offer him to stay. I had nothing to give him except the hope of running into him again next week, assuming he can get there. I have no way to contact him... unless I go looking under the bridge.

I also have been keeping my eye out for Ron, he is the homeless guy whose corner is by the gas station on portland road. I saw him once at New Harvest Church. I think I liked the church just becuase there was a homeless guy there, well actually there was two, and another church member was sitting by them. I liked that. It reminded me of the song by Todd Agnew, My Jesus

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church

The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

He was accepted in that church. I see Ron on his corner when ever I go by, and I pray for him. I know his name is Ron cause I gave him my lunch a few weeks ago, and he smiled, and I shook his hand, and we exchanged names.

I like the homeless ministry that Salem Alliance Church does, how they feed them every week. How it is not a job they have to do, but something they love to do. After serving one week, Heather said to me "I like how the people working there know the homeless people by name." I thought that was pretty cool too. They are treated like people. They are people.

Jesus said "Blessed are the poor for they will inherit the earth." I wonder what that means... to inherit the earth. Other translations say "the kingdom of heaven is theirs." I guess it is this humbleness that comes from poverty. Its the vulnerability and rawness that fully encompasses a person who has, of worldly standards, little worth. The kingdom of heaven is ours for the grasping - how much easier for those who have little to see the riches our Father has for them, not all accept... but maybe we should be a little more like Ron, and Jonathan, and the guy feeding the birds.

I guess... I decided I like homeless people. I dont know why, most of them are depressed, and I really dont like depressed people, but... at least they are raw. They have nothing left to hide. Maybe their vulnerability is forced, but they are vulnerable. I like that.

I saw Jesus.

Today I saw Jesus in some birds being fed. They were hungry and ready to receive. He was the birds, gentle, white and giving of joy.

Today I saw Jesus in the Homeless man feeding the birds. He gave what little he had to those who were in need. He was the man, quiet, poor, and giving of joy.

Today I saw Jesus in the girl who stopped and gave money to the Homeless man who was feeding the birds. She gave to one who was giving away. He was the girl, glorious, respectful, and giving of joy.

Death is awkward.

I went to a funeral this week. I don't remember ever being to a funeral before. I think I might have been at my grandmas, but the only thing I remember about that day was riding in the limo with my Grandpa. I also think I was at my Uncle Charlies funeral a few years ago, I was so sick that weekend that I mentally wasn't there enough to remember it. I think I will remember this one for a long time.

Victor Hoffer died a week ago Friday in a car crash. Him and his new bride (only six weeks married) were on his way to his families house when he hit a slick part of the road and crashed into another car. I have only met Victor a few times. He was the much older brother of one of my once closest friends, Paul. When Heather told me what happened... I was shocked, I mean stuff like this happens to other people right? He was 31 and full of life.

I went to the funeral out of respect for Paul, for the family. I was amazed at how many other people did the same.... so many young people from school, students that may have never met Victor before - but were there for respect of the family that has been so involved in all of our lives. It really was a celebration of life, a life lived to the fullest. We sang hymns about heaven and of our glorious Lord, and heard how God hears the tears of those who weep.

It was when Paul spoke that I really listened up. He stood from his chair, slowly and gently letting go his grasp of both his parents hands. He raised the mic and said these short words....
"At my High school Graduation I spoke on living life to the fullest - Victors life was just that..." I was in that graduation, I was one of the students he spoke to, and I was here to hear part two of that speech, neither of which he probably wanted to give. His speech is complete now in my mind and cemented with a visual that surpasses all else. What he was talking about was real - and achievable.

After the ceremony, and the funeral procession, we returned to the church for "refreshments." We walked through the door and Kirsten gave Lynell (Paul and Victors mom) a hug and said to her "How are you?" she just kinda shrugged and smiled. We walked on and Kirsten shook her head and looked at me.... "that was a stupid thing to say. I cant believe I just asked her how she was. That was really awkward." Heather Kirsten and I stood around not knowing what else to do. It was awkward. We wanted to talk to Paul, we had nothing to say, nothing that wouldn't be awkward. We haven't talked in like a year anyway. We didn't say anything... I guess either way, it was awkward.

Later as I was thinking about it I decided that death is awkward. It is suppose to be awkward. Although it is a part of life and we all experience it and can expect it - it will always be awkward. God didn't create the world to have death, and anything apart from God is awkward because his presence is absent. So I decided that it is OK for death to be awkward, and there is nothing much we can do to make it less so... because God is life. So in that respect, I will celebrate life.

Monopoly and the man and stuff

I've been getting into trouble for not blogging.... well not a lot has happened. Outside of getting snowed in, seeing Santa, working a whole lots, making double batches of gingerbread men, hanging with my sister and my totally cool nephews and David and gorgeous Ellenor, cleaning my car, not finishing my parents Christmas present, going to the movie theatre a couple times, making a bazillion hats, shopping, more snow, more work, more cookies....... outside of all that stuff I haven't been too busy. :)

The MAN came into outback again, the same night the GYPSIES returned. It was a few weeks ago, but I made a mental note to blog about it. I learn that the Man only became a paraplegic after a tragic accident in his teenage years. He spoke at my co-workers high school and she told me part of his story... he is now an inspirational speaker. The Gypsies were fun and happy and a little culturally rude (but then again so am I when I am in another culture) - but I like seeing them. I like being nice to them and not joining in the crappy gossip the rest of the staff give them behind the scenes.

On the night it snowed the most I made a fire outside with Heather. It snowed like 4 inches while we were out there with our hot tea and shooting flames. It was a really fun night, Heather then got stuck at my house for the next 3 days.... that was cool.

My sister came to see me. OK well she didn't necessarily come to see me, but she did see me. She really came for Christmas, for Grammy. But during the 5 days they were here, I got to hold Ellenor lots and lots and dress her in the super cute clothes I got her.... and I responded to every "Auntie Heather.... read Me book..... Auntie Heather..... Play with me..." And I got to joke with David about the silly Oreo Snowman Tin. HAHAHA.

I've played 4 games of monopoly in 2 weeks, I am 50/50.... so I need one more game so I can win.

Amanda (my super favorite cousin) came down yesterday. We called Grammy to see if we could come hang out with her.... we decided that since we don't have guys, and that Grammy is better than any guy, that we need to spend valentines day with her. (so were thinking a little far off yes) So we called her and were like....

"Grammy we need a babysitter valentines weekend. Can you babysit us?"
"What are you talking about? you don't need a babysitter? who told you that? your mother?"
"No Grammy, we neeeeeeeeeeed a babysitter and you are our favorite babysitter."
"Well I don't know what your talking about."
"Were talking about you babysitting us. Can we come valentines weekend?"
"Well..... I'll think about it. I just don't know what you girls are up to.

Haha I guess you would have to know my Grammy to understand the significance and hilarity of that conversation. OF Course she wants us! but she knows were up to something. haha.


Hmmm that about sums up the past month... New Years resolution: Write more than once a month on blog. :)