Death is awkward.

I went to a funeral this week. I don't remember ever being to a funeral before. I think I might have been at my grandmas, but the only thing I remember about that day was riding in the limo with my Grandpa. I also think I was at my Uncle Charlies funeral a few years ago, I was so sick that weekend that I mentally wasn't there enough to remember it. I think I will remember this one for a long time.

Victor Hoffer died a week ago Friday in a car crash. Him and his new bride (only six weeks married) were on his way to his families house when he hit a slick part of the road and crashed into another car. I have only met Victor a few times. He was the much older brother of one of my once closest friends, Paul. When Heather told me what happened... I was shocked, I mean stuff like this happens to other people right? He was 31 and full of life.

I went to the funeral out of respect for Paul, for the family. I was amazed at how many other people did the same.... so many young people from school, students that may have never met Victor before - but were there for respect of the family that has been so involved in all of our lives. It really was a celebration of life, a life lived to the fullest. We sang hymns about heaven and of our glorious Lord, and heard how God hears the tears of those who weep.

It was when Paul spoke that I really listened up. He stood from his chair, slowly and gently letting go his grasp of both his parents hands. He raised the mic and said these short words....
"At my High school Graduation I spoke on living life to the fullest - Victors life was just that..." I was in that graduation, I was one of the students he spoke to, and I was here to hear part two of that speech, neither of which he probably wanted to give. His speech is complete now in my mind and cemented with a visual that surpasses all else. What he was talking about was real - and achievable.

After the ceremony, and the funeral procession, we returned to the church for "refreshments." We walked through the door and Kirsten gave Lynell (Paul and Victors mom) a hug and said to her "How are you?" she just kinda shrugged and smiled. We walked on and Kirsten shook her head and looked at me.... "that was a stupid thing to say. I cant believe I just asked her how she was. That was really awkward." Heather Kirsten and I stood around not knowing what else to do. It was awkward. We wanted to talk to Paul, we had nothing to say, nothing that wouldn't be awkward. We haven't talked in like a year anyway. We didn't say anything... I guess either way, it was awkward.

Later as I was thinking about it I decided that death is awkward. It is suppose to be awkward. Although it is a part of life and we all experience it and can expect it - it will always be awkward. God didn't create the world to have death, and anything apart from God is awkward because his presence is absent. So I decided that it is OK for death to be awkward, and there is nothing much we can do to make it less so... because God is life. So in that respect, I will celebrate life.