I saw a man this week eating dinner with his wife and another couple. They were all in high spirits and having great conversation. But while everyone cut there steak and shoved their mouths full... he looked at his plate. He was paralyzed from the neck down and had to depend on his wife to fead him. She would take a bite of her food, and he would wait... then she would feed him a bite of his food and their dinner would just continue on. The acts were completed as if it were nothing, as if there was nothing wrong with the man. He was totally dependant upon his wife, and she humbly served him because of her love for him.
It was cool to watch. He had a cool chair, he moved it with his chin. I loved how he was treated like a normal person. He respected and was respected. He wasnt a disabled man, he was a man out to dinner with his wife. He was polite and curteous and joyful. I looked at him and saw Jesus.
He really helped me visualize what we are like with Jesus. We are helpless and paralyzed and completely dependent on him. Sometimes things take a little while longer done his way.... but he is the way the truth and the life... there is no other way. He humble serves us and if we accept his love, we can be full of his joy and not sulk in our insecurities or indificiences of being sinful humans.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
More Leaves
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You remember that silly man that wanted to take my leaves away? Gosh, no way. I RAKE mine. With Heather. :)
Indian of Liberty
So I have never dressed up for Halloween outside of those magnificent church events where I was usually a cowgirl. I dont want to support the "holiday" that must bring so much disgrace to Jesus. I am saddened by my friends who get into the day and the darkness of it, there is always so much prayer surrounding that day. This year I found out that at Outback the employees dress up on Halloween. At first I was a little apprehensive to the idea because I wanted to support it not, but I chnaged my mind towards it. Never again will I be allowed to wear anything outside of uniform startched black and white. If it is true that we dress up I am going to, to have fun. Today I tried on many different outfits these are my two favorites...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Fridge
So the New Fridge was delivered!!!!
They took the old one away.....
And what do you think of the new fridge?????!!!!!!!
The real new fridge did not fit, so the old and new were taken away. Now, two coolers serve as makeshift freezers as most of the other food spoiled. Its just like camping!
Fall in Oregon
These are the leaves I told the men not to take away.
The Before.....
The Before.....And the two weeks later!!!
So he has a bit of an over bite.....
And because our trees are always the ones ushering in the seasons, we peaked as the first in the neighborhood and had our colorful leaves back when the other trees were green. Now that our tree is bare and reading for winter, the treess down the street are full of color!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Canvas Yet Alive
I found this in an old document. I wrote it this past summer right after a magnificent thunder/lightening storm.
A blank canvas starts the night; covering all shadows and hiding the rest. Then your skies shoot light forth through the darkness, it demonstrates your joy. Even in the darkest of storms… your light marvels me.
It strikes un-patterned and at a surprising pace. For as long as you give me breath to breathe… I will choose to wonder. To wonder at your finger paintings of glowing brightness against dark open ended canvases. You swipe new glories for me with unique strokes and intricate dabs of chosen color.
What is a picture without a melody? You sing loud harsh sounds to accompany the dark canvas. Notes that are thick with heavy harmonies. Some fear you, for they recognize not the gentleness of your greatness. I see through you, to you. I see that each glistening shimmer represents a note so similar. It is to the ear just as it is to the eye.
This is the show that you put on for me. A show of joyful expressions.
A blank canvas starts the night; covering all shadows and hiding the rest. Then your skies shoot light forth through the darkness, it demonstrates your joy. Even in the darkest of storms… your light marvels me.
It strikes un-patterned and at a surprising pace. For as long as you give me breath to breathe… I will choose to wonder. To wonder at your finger paintings of glowing brightness against dark open ended canvases. You swipe new glories for me with unique strokes and intricate dabs of chosen color.
What is a picture without a melody? You sing loud harsh sounds to accompany the dark canvas. Notes that are thick with heavy harmonies. Some fear you, for they recognize not the gentleness of your greatness. I see through you, to you. I see that each glistening shimmer represents a note so similar. It is to the ear just as it is to the eye.
This is the show that you put on for me. A show of joyful expressions.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Leaves
I've gotten into the habbit of reading every day, well I usually read, but it reall is a habbit - addicting. I read mostly in the afternoons, when the house is the most quiet, when the leaves are blowing or the rain is falling. I read wrapped in 5 layers of blankets usually drinking chai tea.
Yesterday I started reading the autobiography of Billy Grahm -its 800 and something pages. You would think he would have written a mini series instead. None the less I picked up this book, equal in weight to my bible, and started to read the history and story of a man who has, I suppose, in many ways, affected even my life. It was while I was reading the part of his courtship to Ruth when I heard a quiete rude noise - the "landscapers."
Seriously they just have to come when your reading about Billy and Ruths courtship dont they! Argghhh. I suppose I get frusterated every time they come because it seems they dont do much, they do what we should do. Any ways, I suddenly rememberd my yard full of leaves in the front and jumped to my feet worried that my fall wonderland had dissappeard. Luckily he had just started with his "leaf blower" on part of the sidewalk.
"Excuse me," I said as politly and innocently as I could. "Would it be ok if you didnt take away my leaves?" He had a confused look on his face. So I continued on... "I really like the leaves, I think they are pretty and I would really like it if you could just leave them. I will rake them up later." (Did you catch that I said RAKE not like BLOW?Seriously what happened to raking???)
I think understood what I wanted but probably thought I was crazy. "Ok, um... what do you want me to do with those?" Pointing to the pile of leaves he had already blown off the sidewalk. "Do you want me to put them back?" I laughed, no you dont have to put them back, just leave them alone."
And he did.
I like the leaves. They are pretty. We, as usual, have the only yard in the neighborhood with leaves because we seriously have the only leaf falling tree or something, but anyway, other people need leaves to look at too! And I will RAKE them, and jump in them.
Fall is my favorite of the seasons. It took me 19 years to decide that. But it is and I am not going to let anyone just blow it away.
Yesterday I started reading the autobiography of Billy Grahm -its 800 and something pages. You would think he would have written a mini series instead. None the less I picked up this book, equal in weight to my bible, and started to read the history and story of a man who has, I suppose, in many ways, affected even my life. It was while I was reading the part of his courtship to Ruth when I heard a quiete rude noise - the "landscapers."
Seriously they just have to come when your reading about Billy and Ruths courtship dont they! Argghhh. I suppose I get frusterated every time they come because it seems they dont do much, they do what we should do. Any ways, I suddenly rememberd my yard full of leaves in the front and jumped to my feet worried that my fall wonderland had dissappeard. Luckily he had just started with his "leaf blower" on part of the sidewalk.
"Excuse me," I said as politly and innocently as I could. "Would it be ok if you didnt take away my leaves?" He had a confused look on his face. So I continued on... "I really like the leaves, I think they are pretty and I would really like it if you could just leave them. I will rake them up later." (Did you catch that I said RAKE not like BLOW?Seriously what happened to raking???)
I think understood what I wanted but probably thought I was crazy. "Ok, um... what do you want me to do with those?" Pointing to the pile of leaves he had already blown off the sidewalk. "Do you want me to put them back?" I laughed, no you dont have to put them back, just leave them alone."
And he did.
I like the leaves. They are pretty. We, as usual, have the only yard in the neighborhood with leaves because we seriously have the only leaf falling tree or something, but anyway, other people need leaves to look at too! And I will RAKE them, and jump in them.
Fall is my favorite of the seasons. It took me 19 years to decide that. But it is and I am not going to let anyone just blow it away.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Feed the Sheep
I heard this analagy today...
"The shepherd may lead the sheep to the meadow, but he doesnt tell them which tuff of grass to eat."
God is so closly paralled to a Shepherd in the Bible, how we hear his voice, how he watches over us, how he knows us by name and will protect us and nurture us... but this idea is that though the Shepherd is ultimate love, he does not control. Love is not controling. When the sheep trust the Shepherds leading to the meadow, they are trusting that all the grass within that meadow is safe. Not all of it is... but he is watching and ready to help them up if they fall, but letting them choose what they eat.
Once again... I just thought this was interesting.
"The shepherd may lead the sheep to the meadow, but he doesnt tell them which tuff of grass to eat."
God is so closly paralled to a Shepherd in the Bible, how we hear his voice, how he watches over us, how he knows us by name and will protect us and nurture us... but this idea is that though the Shepherd is ultimate love, he does not control. Love is not controling. When the sheep trust the Shepherds leading to the meadow, they are trusting that all the grass within that meadow is safe. Not all of it is... but he is watching and ready to help them up if they fall, but letting them choose what they eat.
Once again... I just thought this was interesting.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Gods will - Part 1
Ok so I want to share what I have been learning about Gods will... more will come, I am going to study it more this week. But this is what I have been picking up, been thinking about. I am not set on any of this, it is just the ideas and revelations that have been rolling through my typewriter head...
God has a very specific will. The bible lists specific wills for Gods people such as: (1) Salvation, (2) Holy Spirit led life, (3) Sanctification, (4) Thankfulness, (5) Suffering. He actually writes in his word that he wills his chilren these things. I have heard lots of theories over the years and I am not pushing one, but this is what I have been thinking and am open to ideas and change of mind...
We spend so much of our life worrying about figuring our Gods will. My bible teacher use to talk about his friend who actually prayed about what socks to put on in the morning because he believed that God had a will for everything he did. I have also heard that anything we do with good intentions is in Gods will.... I think it is somewhere much more in the middle. I think that God is a little less specific than I have made him to be in my mind. I have been that one searching so hard after that "one thing" and getting frusterated or delayed in awaiting an answer for his will in a certain situation. But I think God wants us to act, to do, not to wait and rot.
If we are doing Gods biblical will, then we are purified in every area, suffering but thankful saved and led by the spirit. If we are doing these things then... I think we have choice. We have a lot more choice than I have let myself believe. This season God has deffinatly been asking me "what do you want?" And I just didnt know how to respond. I always said "I want what you want." And he would repeat, "ok... what do you want?" I got confused and argued much like when Peter was repeatedly told to eat the meat (Acts 10:9-16) Patiently God returned the same answer.
I want what Gods wants,God wants me to know what I want. If I am in his will, then my heart will be beating with his, my dreams will be his and I will know. There are times that he makes things much clearer than others, when he really makes sure he is seen and heard, but for those times that his voice is gentle or absent we need to have a little more trust in the relationship we hold with him.
We are here to delight in God, and for him to delight in what we do; to persue him, to let him persue us. If that is what we are going after then I believe we are in his will, I think. When it comes to making a decision and I dont feel an urging in either direction after much prayer, I feel now it will be easier to make a decision, which one will help me delight in the Lord? Will one of them distract me more?
Just comparing all that to my life, I think God has plans for me, gifts that are only mine, places only I will go, people I will impact, things I will do.... but so much along the way is open for me to delight in him. Jo March in Little Women says "I would have been a great many things." I love that line so much, because it is true. I would have been a great many things. As I look at my list of little girl dreams it spaned from Nurse to Meterologist to Farmer, Politician, Librarian, Framer, Artist, Musician and Clown. I would have been a great all those things. But what I will be the most great at is what I choose to delight myself in the Lord in. For now, that is doing exactly what I am doing. For the future that will include working with kids, being a mama like Harmony, sharing my faith like Matthew, writing, dreaming, talking with people... and all the other wonderful things that will come. Those are the things that I delight in when I do them, that through them I bring delight to God.
I am realizing I dont know Gods will more than most people and though the first week of this topic I thought I had it figured out, I now am more confused than when we started. But I am so in love with the study of it! Gods will for my life is not more special than for my neighbor or the will he has for that person in Hungry or for the greatest Pastor. We are all equal and undeserving of his grace, yet somehow his love is poured out and he keeps holding us when we stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24)
I am learning and seeking and it is good.
God has a very specific will. The bible lists specific wills for Gods people such as: (1) Salvation, (2) Holy Spirit led life, (3) Sanctification, (4) Thankfulness, (5) Suffering. He actually writes in his word that he wills his chilren these things. I have heard lots of theories over the years and I am not pushing one, but this is what I have been thinking and am open to ideas and change of mind...
We spend so much of our life worrying about figuring our Gods will. My bible teacher use to talk about his friend who actually prayed about what socks to put on in the morning because he believed that God had a will for everything he did. I have also heard that anything we do with good intentions is in Gods will.... I think it is somewhere much more in the middle. I think that God is a little less specific than I have made him to be in my mind. I have been that one searching so hard after that "one thing" and getting frusterated or delayed in awaiting an answer for his will in a certain situation. But I think God wants us to act, to do, not to wait and rot.
If we are doing Gods biblical will, then we are purified in every area, suffering but thankful saved and led by the spirit. If we are doing these things then... I think we have choice. We have a lot more choice than I have let myself believe. This season God has deffinatly been asking me "what do you want?" And I just didnt know how to respond. I always said "I want what you want." And he would repeat, "ok... what do you want?" I got confused and argued much like when Peter was repeatedly told to eat the meat (Acts 10:9-16) Patiently God returned the same answer.
I want what Gods wants,God wants me to know what I want. If I am in his will, then my heart will be beating with his, my dreams will be his and I will know. There are times that he makes things much clearer than others, when he really makes sure he is seen and heard, but for those times that his voice is gentle or absent we need to have a little more trust in the relationship we hold with him.
We are here to delight in God, and for him to delight in what we do; to persue him, to let him persue us. If that is what we are going after then I believe we are in his will, I think. When it comes to making a decision and I dont feel an urging in either direction after much prayer, I feel now it will be easier to make a decision, which one will help me delight in the Lord? Will one of them distract me more?
Just comparing all that to my life, I think God has plans for me, gifts that are only mine, places only I will go, people I will impact, things I will do.... but so much along the way is open for me to delight in him. Jo March in Little Women says "I would have been a great many things." I love that line so much, because it is true. I would have been a great many things. As I look at my list of little girl dreams it spaned from Nurse to Meterologist to Farmer, Politician, Librarian, Framer, Artist, Musician and Clown. I would have been a great all those things. But what I will be the most great at is what I choose to delight myself in the Lord in. For now, that is doing exactly what I am doing. For the future that will include working with kids, being a mama like Harmony, sharing my faith like Matthew, writing, dreaming, talking with people... and all the other wonderful things that will come. Those are the things that I delight in when I do them, that through them I bring delight to God.
I am realizing I dont know Gods will more than most people and though the first week of this topic I thought I had it figured out, I now am more confused than when we started. But I am so in love with the study of it! Gods will for my life is not more special than for my neighbor or the will he has for that person in Hungry or for the greatest Pastor. We are all equal and undeserving of his grace, yet somehow his love is poured out and he keeps holding us when we stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24)
I am learning and seeking and it is good.
Vulnerability
A few weeks ago I started going to a small group at Salem Alliance, its been realy amazing.
It is the first group that feels simply real. Real to the core. Its not showy or clicky or even churchy. It just is. The couple that are leading it are really in love with Jesus. Matt and Susan have stories that I cant wait to unfold! They are simply seeking life as are we. They spent 13 years preparing to be missionaries in France with there 3 girls but find themselves in Salem, where he grew up, leading a college small group. They are just seeking.
For 4 weeks we have been discusing Gods Will. My life perspective is changing. First off I love this group because it gets me to think deep, but that good kind of deep thinking, the healthy kind. And I loved that the first week he asked a question I didnt know the answer to! I got so excited! What a weirdo right? It means there is room to grow! Not knowing the answer means that an answer needs to be found! It means that study is involved and my brain just jumped on board!
I like that real questions are asked. Its like sensative subjects almost force chosen vulnerability. I love talking about things, but am not always the best at figuring out how to start it. I walked in today and Susan asked Heather and I where we were going to chuch, we said we were kinda looking. Rather than giving the expeced response of "oh" (that "oh" followed by an interesting facial expression that implys more than the listener really intended to imply) she asked "So what have you noticed at these churches? What is the same with them?" I was really taken back because the question was so unexpected, she really cared and was interested. I talked about how worship was the same at most places. The worship teams were good, the song choices were good - but the response from the audiance was quite ususally bland. Anyways, her simple question got 6 of us talking about worship for like 30 minutes. Then when Matt came in he asked 2 more questions : (1) If you could do one thing in life what would it be and, (2) what is the worst mistake you have ever made. It was just cool, cause he expected answers. So people answered. And when the day was started with vulnerability, we were able to carry that into our days conversation, that vulnerability. Its good.
It is the first group that feels simply real. Real to the core. Its not showy or clicky or even churchy. It just is. The couple that are leading it are really in love with Jesus. Matt and Susan have stories that I cant wait to unfold! They are simply seeking life as are we. They spent 13 years preparing to be missionaries in France with there 3 girls but find themselves in Salem, where he grew up, leading a college small group. They are just seeking.
For 4 weeks we have been discusing Gods Will. My life perspective is changing. First off I love this group because it gets me to think deep, but that good kind of deep thinking, the healthy kind. And I loved that the first week he asked a question I didnt know the answer to! I got so excited! What a weirdo right? It means there is room to grow! Not knowing the answer means that an answer needs to be found! It means that study is involved and my brain just jumped on board!
I like that real questions are asked. Its like sensative subjects almost force chosen vulnerability. I love talking about things, but am not always the best at figuring out how to start it. I walked in today and Susan asked Heather and I where we were going to chuch, we said we were kinda looking. Rather than giving the expeced response of "oh" (that "oh" followed by an interesting facial expression that implys more than the listener really intended to imply) she asked "So what have you noticed at these churches? What is the same with them?" I was really taken back because the question was so unexpected, she really cared and was interested. I talked about how worship was the same at most places. The worship teams were good, the song choices were good - but the response from the audiance was quite ususally bland. Anyways, her simple question got 6 of us talking about worship for like 30 minutes. Then when Matt came in he asked 2 more questions : (1) If you could do one thing in life what would it be and, (2) what is the worst mistake you have ever made. It was just cool, cause he expected answers. So people answered. And when the day was started with vulnerability, we were able to carry that into our days conversation, that vulnerability. Its good.
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