Clenched Fists

The Lord is so patient! Oh how hard it is to relinquish control over to Him. I know he is so much more capable than I. He has proved Himself over and over and over again … and yet it’s so easy to get defensive and to want to fight against him. Here is the ironic part, it’s not easy. It’s really hard to fight God, because he wins. He wins every time. Actually, he has already won … he just waits for us to give him the glory for the victory.

I feel like he is this strong father and I am beating his chest with my clenched fists … and you know what he does? He looks down at me, at my wrinkled face and gritted teeth and pounding fists … and he sticks his chest out further so I can hit it harder. He doesn’t grab my hands and force them to a halt. He doesn’t yell at me. He doesn’t hit back. He doesn’t walk away. Oh no … he looks down and he smiles and beams down his love. Then he takes me up in his arms and wraps me in a love that breaks all my defenses. It’s like this paradigm that I don’t really understand … or do I?

I sit here trying to visualize God, trying to understand what it takes to love like He. I am reminded of a time when he showed me that very thing. I was in Armenia, at the orphanage. There was one little boy, and he was so angry. He was not more than three, but while all the other kids were rejoicing in our presence, he fought us. He had clenched teeth… and I took hold of him. And he fought me. He took clenched fists to my chest. And I just hugged him and smiled at him and loved him. I know he didn’t understand my love. I know he didn’t want to relinquish his control to me. But he did. After my arms were around him, his back stopped arching, his head stopped banging, his fists relaxed, and he laid his head on my chest ... and received my love.

I think God wants me to lay my head on his chest and receive his love. I know he does. I am just like that little boy; I know that His love is greater. I know that he is the strong tower, but this sin nature makes me fight. I am glad I serve a patient God. A God who loves me with constancy. Because, sadly … I know my life will be full of clenched fists – but knowing that he is there waiting for me to relinquish my control … I know that I can do it. I know that my God is mighty to save and that he alone is worthy of my praise.