Home, aghhh this is where I want to be. Last year I was discontented, I wanted to be far away from this stuffy place. The world of high class preps, large spenders and fakes. I wanted simplicity and calmness. I received my request - almost to my regret. I do not regret going away, actually quite the contrary - it affects me day in and day out, but I didnt receive the response I thought I wanted...
I thought that going away would make me hate my country more and love the unlovable. I thought I would have a renewed sense of missios and simplicity. But what I have found is that I love this place all the more than in the past. I do love the unlovable - but the ones that live here. I have a renewed sense of missions, of how we are not doing it here. I have simplicity, wraped up in my complex world... what I have learned is all the more what a funny guy God is.
Armenia, if you take a globe and stuck a penil striaght accross from Oregon, you would get Armenia. God had to take me to the absolute farthest place on earth (before coming back around the other direction) to show me that he wants me here. He is calling me to this place, the one country I wanted to run from. Just like Jonah, he ran from God, ran from the very and only locatio in which he was called . So God allowed him to go on a venture, on that would change his life, and when Jonah got there (wherever "there" was) He told Jonah that he wanted him to go to Ninivah. So while I was gone I found out that by Gods grace he let me follow my dream, he called me away for a season to plant me here for my life.
Yes, I still hate the stuffed up people, the expensive coffee drinks and complexity... But something in me LOVES IT HERE. I have talked to missionaries who say "I hate the way this country looks, i dont like that the people are mean, i miss home, i dont like the food... BUT I LOVE IT HERE" That is only by the grace of God. Not many people really want to live in Armenia, but the missionaries I met there... they did cause that is what they were called to. And when we are in the will of God, we will love what we ought ot hate. A good friend of mine Benjamin Zimmer once told me "You know what my favorite smell in all the world is? Homeless People. I just love the smell of homeless people. I know I shouldnt, but there is something in me that just wants to hug them so I can take a big wiff... because that is where I know I should be." Ben was in a place most of us would be uncomftorable with... but he was happy... actually he loved it because it was where God wanted him...
A few weeks back I was driving down the road, I had on new shoes, and nice clothes. My cellphone was on the dashboard, I had a full tank of gas and fast food on the floor and was on my way to the mall. I stopped at the red light and just looked at myself... And I smiled. I love it. And not because it is easy or comftorable or because I have lots of money (cause I dont) I love it because this is what I have always hated. I have a renewed sense of vision but something in me cries out love. I know it is God, becuase I am not here seeking after the "American Dream"... Yet I am living. I ask him every day to show me how to stay simple. How to humble myself and seek his face. How to find him... And I do! I see him everywhere I go. He meets me everywhere I go and I am happy cause I am in him, I am where he wants me to be. This may be the only location and culture I have never wanted to be a part of, but this is what he wants from me. I am not looking to conform to the patterns of this world. I am still me. I still love orphans and airports and new food. I enjoy living out of a suitcase and not having enough clothes to choose from. I love simplicity... but I am in love with home.
1 comment:
This was an awesome post. And if I weren't so tired and brain-dead I'd leave you a real comment. But My mind is falling asleep. I've really been wanting to know your perspective on coming home, though. To hear about what God is doing in your heart. Thank you.
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