Confidant

Yes, we have the same name … and yes we get many jokes because of it. But no, we are not twins. Who names their twins the same name anyway?? One of the downsides of having a best friend with the same name of you is that you can’t switch back and forth between first and third person very smoothly … it just doesn’t make sense.

Heather (speaking in first person here of not myself) has been a constant in my life for ten years now, that may not sound like much to you older folk … but to a girl of twenty two, a decade is a long time. Though there is no Chuckie Cheese Barbie themed party this year, (embarrassing blast to the past of our 15^th!) I do enjoy thinking about today, March 29^th, as her birthday.

I love that I have a best friend who is as cool* as she is. She collects tea cups, and likes antique stores and wants a log cabin bed in her house one day. She likes blue. She has a cell phone* and her license* and a sweet grandpa car to drive. She likes Gov cup chai and hot dogs with tuna*, and cheese itz and my cooking. Although she can’t really pull off most hats*, she wears boots and totally owns them! She has a mom who calls me daughter #2 and a family who accept me as another member. (They even let me stay with them while I was sick on Christmas!) She listens to broadway soundtracks and takes Sunday afternoon naps and wants to visit Europe. She watches Say Yes to the Dress and plans on having a whole bunch of kids* and raising them as naturally as possible. She is more of a recycling tree hugger than I am. She likes frisbee golf and basketball and volleyball. She is a jr. high basketball coach, has been to state in the shot put (and volleyball), and is a stinkin forest technician! She is going to school to be a teacher and loves kids books and is really smart at math. When she leaves her hair natural, it curls, and she just got these new glasses that are just so awesome! She really good at listening to me talk, and talk, and talk, and talk… and talk. She loves a “good story”* and is really good at rummy* and helped me to love country music. She is friends with my friends*, so really… they are our friends. Even when she is alone, she goes to church, and strives to follow the Lords direction with her life. She loves with constancy and is lives with consistency. She is an optimistic, encouraging, introverted, Woman of God and I am proud to call her my best friend, and honored that I am hers as well.

Willow

At this park in Alabama

There were willow trees swaying,

I love willow trees!

I think I want to be married under one.

They remind me of Pochohantus and of Grandmother Willow

... I wasn't allowed to watch that movie because of the tree

I love the way they rest and move slow and smooth

I love the way they seem to be gentle, yet strong

Different from an Oak or Maple, or any other

I love the way they drape and enclose

This spot on the Tennessee River,

I think I could stay there for a long time.

Slowin' down

I've always associated Alabama with the song, not knowing anything about it but that it is a "Sweet Home," ... whatever that means.I know that in the Movie there were cool looking plantation houses and people with thick accents. I knew the general vacinity of where the State was located - over there, in the south. Its just a big grouping in my mind. Then, I came here.

I flew into Nashville, which by the way looks like such a cool city! I've been there once about four years ago for like an hour with my brother, but never really explored it. Then we had dinner at Blessed cracker Barrel .... why do wonderful things not come to Oregon?

Then to Alabama. I've heard it said that life is slower here, just like the sky is bigger in Colorado. (It is!) And I think both statements are true. Besides the fact that people here have a terrible habit of running red lights, things are a bit slower. Especially on the Army base, I mean, the only cafe closes at 2 ok?! But seriously, people walk slower, and talk slower, and bag groceries slower. And if those people were anywhere but here, I would think them to be lazy ... but it somehow fits, like, its ok. They are not lazy, they are slow, and I think being slow is a good thing. Because I don' know how to be slow.

The kids wanted me to see their favorite park. It was wonderful. It was on the banks of the Tennessee River (I know how to spell that words thanks to the grits song!) We ate at a picnic table in the sun. A heavy set man with a thick southern accent who was on his lunch time "drop that food down" walk, stopped to talk to us.... literally to talk TO us. He told us of why Alabama is the best state, and of the river, and the forests, and something about Enron. He spoke in Outline format, said the word of his next category, paused, then began giving main points and a description under each topic. He was knowledgeable and full of facts, but shared them in the way that a 70 year old math teacher might. The funny thing is that I walked away knowing all sorts of things about Alabama that I never knew before!

The only other person at the park was a young mom and her three kids. I just couldn't help but stare at her and her accent, I don't know why it fascinates me so. Even the three year old talked different! I want so badly to pick up this way of speech. Alabama, I havn't seen much of you yet, but I do like what I see. I love the natural beauty. I love the speech. I am in awe by the fact that every car on the road is no more than two years old. I love that you have Cracker Barrel and Chik-fil-A. But, you are no Portland. I love coming here, and seeing you, but I will take my Portlandia ... I just wish I could have it a little more slow.

I am on my way out for the day. Thinking about the grace of our lord. Today I am tired, but in my weaknesses his power is made perfect!

My world

So there is this map... and its like really big. I saw it the first time I went to Ikea and I have kinda coveted it since. Every titile I go I make sure I drag who ever is with me to the art section to look at the marvelous map. If you have ever been to Ikea with me, then you know what I am talking about! I stand in front of it and dream. With my head tilted slightly sideways, I dream of where I would put it in my house someday. How I would teach my kids the world with it. I just soak it in and take in the beauty of it. Then, I sigh and I wander away knowing I will never buy it.

At Christmas the price of the map dropped! I was pretty stoked ... but there was still no way I could ever justify it. I remember telling people that the price dropped and maybe I should just buy it. But I did not. Isn't that what Ikea, or most stores are anyways? Just a bigger version of what we want but will never have?

Well, you see I just had this birthday. It was my 22 and besides the fact that I feel now very old and mature and expect to be treated better by other adults .... I didn't expect anything. Here is the other things you must know ... I have these really good friends.

Friday afternoon I was working at the desk, and from the doors on both sides of me girls started pouring in with baloons singing happy birthday! I don't know how many were there, at least 25. I was told later that I had a pretty upset face, if you were one of the girls there sining to me and perhaps thought this, please know I was not upset! I was surprised and yes, a bit angry that I had not figured it out. But I WAS suprised and LOVED IT! Then, these girls gave me my present. A little map, and on it were country flags with different peoples names on it. "We all bought you a country!" Um.... cool I thought. Then, through the double doors it came. This long long cardboard box wrapped all happy birthday style. As I opened it I saw that it was from Ikea, then on the end of the box it had a picture of the map. "MY MAP! YOU GUYS GOT ME MY MAP!" I was so taken away. You see, my friends, 36 of them to be exact all "purchased" a country and went in together to get me my map. Many of the countries were specific to places that people have been or lived in or are going to, so it made it even more personal.

Its still in its box, hidden away in the basement. It is being saved. Saved for my house that I will hopefully live in this summer and for a long time thereafter. I have the small map on my wall and am daily reminded of the love I am surrounded by. I was just this girl with a dream of owning a silly map. And my friends, they went in together to make one of my dreams come true. Now I dont have to tilt my head and wonder and sigh. I own the map. Its mine. Someday I will teach my kids about the world... and about the people who loved me enough to give it to me. If youw were one of those people, Thank you. Thank you for givng me the world.

Clenched Fists

The Lord is so patient! Oh how hard it is to relinquish control over to Him. I know he is so much more capable than I. He has proved Himself over and over and over again … and yet it’s so easy to get defensive and to want to fight against him. Here is the ironic part, it’s not easy. It’s really hard to fight God, because he wins. He wins every time. Actually, he has already won … he just waits for us to give him the glory for the victory.

I feel like he is this strong father and I am beating his chest with my clenched fists … and you know what he does? He looks down at me, at my wrinkled face and gritted teeth and pounding fists … and he sticks his chest out further so I can hit it harder. He doesn’t grab my hands and force them to a halt. He doesn’t yell at me. He doesn’t hit back. He doesn’t walk away. Oh no … he looks down and he smiles and beams down his love. Then he takes me up in his arms and wraps me in a love that breaks all my defenses. It’s like this paradigm that I don’t really understand … or do I?

I sit here trying to visualize God, trying to understand what it takes to love like He. I am reminded of a time when he showed me that very thing. I was in Armenia, at the orphanage. There was one little boy, and he was so angry. He was not more than three, but while all the other kids were rejoicing in our presence, he fought us. He had clenched teeth… and I took hold of him. And he fought me. He took clenched fists to my chest. And I just hugged him and smiled at him and loved him. I know he didn’t understand my love. I know he didn’t want to relinquish his control to me. But he did. After my arms were around him, his back stopped arching, his head stopped banging, his fists relaxed, and he laid his head on my chest ... and received my love.

I think God wants me to lay my head on his chest and receive his love. I know he does. I am just like that little boy; I know that His love is greater. I know that he is the strong tower, but this sin nature makes me fight. I am glad I serve a patient God. A God who loves me with constancy. Because, sadly … I know my life will be full of clenched fists – but knowing that he is there waiting for me to relinquish my control … I know that I can do it. I know that my God is mighty to save and that he alone is worthy of my praise.