When I am in love with Jesus

When I am in love with Jesus. My world is just right. But I needed reminded daily.

This is the question I keep coming back to. The Holy Spirit prompts me like 20 times a day with " Right now, today, are you in love with me?"

I can't stop thinking about it. No matter how much planning I do, or organizing, I can't seem to straighten anything out in my life. No 3 step, or 10 step programs work. And when I try to find the "core" issue, I don't find it. And when I think I am crazy, and I blow everything out of proportion, I am urged again to think about whether or not I am simply in love with Jesus.

When I am in love with Jesus, everything else falls into place. Dizzy lines are straightened. The 39 step plans pan our perfectly, without having to follow any of my steps. The core issue is discovered. When I am in love with Jesus, I realize that I am not crazy, and that the very things I blow into big deals, are really not that important after all. When I am in love with Jesus.

In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times, "Do you love me." Yes is is his frustrated response each time. Its the name of my blog, Heather Anne (that's me) Loves Jesus. Yes, I love him. But am I, in love WITH Him, today ... right now?

So often my answer is no. No, I am not being in love with Him right now. John 14:21 says that if we love Him we will follow His commandments. And 1 Corinthians tells me that love does not demand its own way. How often do I demand my own way? Away from him. Away from loving Him?

When I am in love with Jesus, I need nothing else. I know love, because He is love. And I want to love the one who is Love. Right now, Today.

I saw Jesus.

Today I saw Jesus in some birds being fed. They were hungry and ready to receive. He was the birds, gentle, white and giving of joy.

Today I saw Jesus in the Homeless man feeding the birds. He gave what little he had to those who were in need. He was the man, quiet, poor, and giving of joy.

Today I saw Jesus in the girl who stopped and gave money to the Homeless man who was feeding the birds. She gave to one who was giving away. He was the girl, glorious, respectful, and giving of joy.

Dear Lavinia - SYATP part 2

I was thinking about you tonight, it was good stuff and so I thought I would share....

I know you are romanian and that some of the amazing american things I write on hear sound apealing, and if I described to you in outside words the service I was at tonight, you would want to come and attend it with me during the trip when you will come visit me. But after tonight... I hope I never have to take you to a christian service here.

I cant desribe to you the Christian social attitude that has been adapted by teenagers, by youth pastors. It all sounds good cause it is suppose to. It is meant to be appealing, but where is the meat? The preaching was sound... but simple, low. Students were disrespectful and disgraceful. I was embarrassed and shamed. I cant believe this is my society.

I hope you dont have to see the "christian crowd" of young people who look cute and have matching hair, tight jeans and skull t-shirts cause they are "hard core" for Jesus. The crowd that thinks it is cool to be part of a christian club or something. The crowd that takes the name I revere so intimatly and slauter it to my peers.

Mind you that not all christians are this way, not all services are bad, not all christians look alike. I have a negative biased opinion tonight and wanted to express it to you because I was thinking about you.

What we have is programs. What you have, what I loved so much about Romania, is life. There are pros and cons to each, tonight I saw a con.

Trinity and Us

At college group we are going through the video series the Truth Project. It is really amazingly enlightening. I was quite cold to the idea of watching a video series when I first heard of it... but it stretches my mind, I guess that is what it is suppose to do. Anyways...

Tonight there was a really interesting point made, I want to research it more but it intrigued me none the less. There is the trinity GOD-JESUS-HOLYSPIRIT (HS) . Then when Christ assended to Heaven he sent us the HS to be with us always. ( John 16:5-7 )The HS is in us. So... Because the HS is in us, and he is part of the 3 part trinity, we are with God too. The New Testament is so full of references to being ONE. One with God, one with another... So the HS is what brings us into that closer relationship. Jesus intercedes for us to God, the HS leads us in pray to God. We are in God cause we are in the HS. So we are that close, that intimate. Like one of my favorite worship songs goes, "sometimes you are closer than my skin." It is literally true.

I claim the victory

Tonight I was talking to Anna Biddason on skype for a long time and we had a great conversation, so I took the stuff I wrote to her and turned it into a blog. Cause I thought other people besides her might like to read it.

Every day I struggle with myself. It is so weird, either I am losing my mind or God is capturing it. (I like to think upon the latter) I really believe that the enemy has a strong hold of Confusion over much of our generation. So many young people just "now knowing" what they are doing. Too many times is the phrase “I don’t know” uttered among my friends. With those I am with… we want to know, but don’t. There are too many others that have simply stopped seeking because they got tired of not finding.

I keep studying the scripture that says "I am the good shepherd and the sheep know the shepherds voice" then I cry out "Lord, you are my shepherd, why do I not recognize your voice outside of the wolf?"

so I am starting to claim my mind in Jesus name, I am claiming that the enemy does not have a hold on me because I think he is trying so hard to hold me back from what God has.

I have been trying to just see into the spiritual realm. "God what are you doing?" If I cant tell, then I try to recognize where I am being attacked, where I am weak. Those are the points that God is trying to strengthen. The very spots that we feel fading are the ones God is trying to brighten. The enemy always attacks before the climax, I believe. He gives one final oomph attempt before giving up. he is so scared of what we can do in the name of Jesus that he waits to see where god is going to strengthen us, then tries to attack in those areas thinking he can pull us down.... what he doesn’t realize is that once God starts to strengthen us, we already have God on our side and he will lose.

It is a battle we have already won if we will just claim the victory. If we will just recognize that the battle is there in the first place. How can we win if we don’t know we are fighting?

So I say, “the victory is mine in Christ!”
I say, “Confusion, you are NO MORE!”
I say, “God I know your voice!”

The victory is mine. Confusion is gone. I hear Gods voice

Other Lovers

So I am really tired of the name : Hannah Montana. I am tired of seeing her face and hearing the spoken syllables of her name. I am not jealous of her, I am sad for her.

I am tried of being told that "shes ok" and that "shes not that big of a deal." I am tired of being told that she is not having a negative influence on the next generation. She, herself I believe is not a bad person. I believe that she is who she says she is and that she is trying to be pure and to control herself, but the fact of the matter is that Hollywood plays up even the innocent and makes the ignorant stumble.

I am tired of hearing little girls sing her songs more than Jesus songs. It just breaks my heart because the enemy is using an innocent victom to steal the attention of thousands, to capture the hearts of little girls. These little girls are givng their hearts to other lovers because they dont feel the real lover calling them. She may not be singing about sex or immoral things, but she is becoming an idol without wanting to be.

I am saddned and frusterated. Hopefully.... not the end of the story.

Silly Life

Life. Its a silly thing really. We get caught up in emotions and relationships and failure. We focus on happiness and feelings and now... but someday now will be gone, nonexistant. Our happiness will be eternal and our feelings will be stronger than physical. We wont get caught up in anything besides Jesus. We wont worry about relationships besides Jesus. We wont fail.

I just see so much worry and stress about little things that dont matter. When we really step back, even the big things dont matter. One thing matters right now: That we have a relationship with Jesus and that we are drawing others into that present Kingdom. Every single thing outside of that will die. We just need to love Jesus. To love others. To love in general.

I think I understand why Paul says it is better to be single (1 Corinthians 7) , cause then we are simply Kingdom focused. Why it is easier for the poor to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why it is easier when we give our money away, when we dont think about things, when we pray. I think I am beginning to understand the Great Commission in Matthew 28 and the pure simple words of Jesus through all his ministry.

We treat life as such a HUGE deal. And it is I guess, but it is not as they say, it is not all we have. We have eternity, and that is heck of a lot longer than the 80 some years we get on this nasty beautiful earth. I am really beginning to not care what the world says, or what anyone says. I want to and have to do what God asks, that simple.

When I get to heaven it wont matter what books I have read or what food I have tasted. It wont matter how many cool things I have done or even where I have traveled. It even wont matter what I have done in the church or what cool things I have accomplished in the evangelism rhelm. It will only matter what was heartfelt, what drew me closer to Him, what drew others closer to him. It wont matter if I liked every second of what I was doing or if I looked the best or even if I had really cool times with my friends. It just wont matter.

I dont want to let everything go away, or move into the desert and become a John the Baptist type person. I value all I have, but I value the valuable so much more now that I see the true treasure ahead. Everything affects the Kingdom, my friends, my choices, my books. I want them to all be positive influences because my 80 years is not about to be wasted.

Bridging the gap that really isnt there

At 11:30 I went to my church for a Bar-B-Q. I walked in and seated myself at a table in which I was acquainted with only one person, a girl closest to my age. I began a discussion with the other members of the table on topics covering things like party lines, vacations and comic strips.

I ate a burger, fresh peppers and 3 different types of cake. It was all washed down by a cup of coffee that was probably decaffinated and much to lite. I smiled and laughed and had a great time. I was invited to hang out with my new friends bragged upon by my youth pastor.

It was one of the best Bar- B - Q's I have ever been to, probably the best church event I have attended since coming home. It was an event hosted by the Senior Citizens oh my church in their attempt to bridge the gap of generations. It worked.

We had worship time. For once, rather than having seperate servies for generations, we combinded them. We sang one modern worship song led by an alto on guitar, and then switched to 3 versed hymn led by a saprano on the piano. Everyone was respectful. Everyone sang what they knew, but we worshiped together the entire time.

I think this is what life is suppose to be. We wouldnt need to be reaching out it such modern ways as a generation if the previous generations embraced us as they did today. I didnt feel alone in my walk to love Jesus, I felt surrounded and uplifted and overjoyed. I hope we continue this into a constant re-occurance.

Next week when I see the sisters Helen andDorthy or either of their husbands for 52+ years, I will say "Hi" and give a hug, and try to embrace the small relationship that was started.

Tears of a King

As Jesus was riding the colt into Jerusalem the following scene took place...

"But as they came closer to Jerusalem and Jesus saw the city ahead, he began to cry. 'I wish that even today you would find the way of peace. But now it is too late, and peace is hidden from you..." (Luke 20:41-42)

Jesus was warning them of the destruction to come. He saw what was going to happen and it broke his heart because they would not listen. I am not a Bible scolar, but the only other place I know that Jesus cried was when Lazarus died. (so if anyone else knows something, fill me in!) But the first instances was from utter sadness from the death of a dear friend, it was love from the heart. This instance too was from brokenness... but a deep sadness different from that of a death, I think.

I have experienced sadness in friends and situations, but the sadness I feel when I warn and see not change... it is excrutiating. Jesus was telling of the terrible events that would take place, so similar to the prophets as they cried for the people after years of rejection. Jeremiah was the weeping prophet because he saw the future, warned the people and yet was rejected. Christ was this on that day. I wonder, how often am I that? I have cried for people... but I want it more. If Jesus, the King and Savior... if he can cry over events about to take place.... so can I.