High School

I've been thinking a lot about high school lately. How when you are in it, you think you are on top of the world. You are involved in so many activities that it makes toddlers look lazy. And how these activities that you are involved in, they are the most important thing you have ever done. That soccer game you won, it was like winning a gold medal at the Olympics, things are proportioned to be just that important! And they are. At least to you, and your friends, and your parents.

As high schoolers we get this sense that we can be or do anything we want to do. Being pushed to succeed and think upon our futures and grow up. But we don't really have to grow up too fast. We get the responsibilities of doing cool things, while not having to pay for gas or outings or late nights at Sharies, because we are too busy with our events to work. (Not that you can really find a job when you are 15 anyway...)

One of my friends from high school just re-entered my life. So it has me thinking on a lot of this stuff. The emotions from five years ago, my attitudes and views and opinions. I've found that in many ways I have not changed near as much as I thought I had. You change to form the new environment you find yourself in. But once placed back in the old environment, the old you comes back out. But rather than retracting, which I thought was happening, I am a more full person because of this. I am able to embrace my current environment, with past thoughts. And it is fulfilling.

But I was thinking about how full your future feels when your 17, how of all the things were involved in, we really think we can succeed in any of those areas. That we can make a living doing the arts or sports. We love the praise and admiration we receive, and of course that spawns us towards the career we try to pick. And then college comes.

I guess some people in college do what they set out to do. But not many. Because in the act of trying to find ourselves in high school, what we really find is all the things that we can be semi-good at. And of course we want to do those things, because its nice to feel that you are the best at something. (even if you come from a high school of 40 kids, being the best still means something:) I mean, I really wanted to do year book the rest of my life. It was so fun! It doesn't make sense now. No body looks at their yearbooks after the signing day. Yearbooks don't happen in college, or work or families or really the rest of life. But it was a good idea, because I was good at it!


"High school, High school, could be, could be, a mini me, of the rest of society..." An old Super chick song that I would blast while driving the minivan down Lancaster Street. Still quite a bit of truth in it. It was a mini me of the rest of society.

I was thinking about how high school was a good thing, at least for me. For a girl whose love language was affirmation, to receive it everywhere I turned, it was a very encouraging time. Now, at this point in my life I may not be involved in three sports, yearbook, student government and a spring play at like the same time .... but I am busy, and I am doing things. And the things I am doing, I try to do them well. Sometimes, its still nice to be extraordinary. I love looking at the girls who are in high school now. They are extraordinary people.

Alyssa and Juliana, you rock my socks off. I am so proud of you two, the things you are involved in, the things you accomplish. You are going to grow into the most amazing women! Thank you for sharing with me last week, and for letting me be a small part of your lives. Take your high school and embrace it, because it won't come again.

What a waste.

I just got a job at Round Table Pizza and am enjoying the learning of working. I am frusterated by one small issue though: waste.

My resturant is part of a chain, a franchise; so because of that there is specific protocall that must be followed. Food has a limit of how long it can sit out on our buffet line, if it exceeds the 20 minutes, it must be taken and thrown away. We are not allowed to eat it, or give it away, we must throw a perfectly good looking pizza into the garbage can because the health department thinks it might be unhealthy.

It frusterates me because so much of the world is in need, there are starving people in China. But more than that, there are staving people living just outside the doors of my companies establishment... and we have to waste food they could eat. Am I allowed to be rebelious and sneek food away to feed those who need nurishment? I am not, my job depends upon me following the set guidelines. And it frusterates me. America frusterates me.

Here we are living the "American Dream" caring so much about codes and rules and standards... that we dont really care what goes on outside of us. I care, but so much of my country does not. The morals of the work system do not. They are there to keep us healthy and to protect us and to keep our economy stronger than any other country. But in trying to boost our economy we lose that love for people that once existed in the core of all.

Teaching Jonah to love Starbucks

Home, aghhh this is where I want to be. Last year I was discontented, I wanted to be far away from this stuffy place. The world of high class preps, large spenders and fakes. I wanted simplicity and calmness. I received my request - almost to my regret. I do not regret going away, actually quite the contrary - it affects me day in and day out, but I didnt receive the response I thought I wanted...

I thought that going away would make me hate my country more and love the unlovable. I thought I would have a renewed sense of missios and simplicity. But what I have found is that I love this place all the more than in the past. I do love the unlovable - but the ones that live here. I have a renewed sense of missions, of how we are not doing it here. I have simplicity, wraped up in my complex world... what I have learned is all the more what a funny guy God is.

Armenia, if you take a globe and stuck a penil striaght accross from Oregon, you would get Armenia. God had to take me to the absolute farthest place on earth (before coming back around the other direction) to show me that he wants me here. He is calling me to this place, the one country I wanted to run from. Just like Jonah, he ran from God, ran from the very and only locatio in which he was called . So God allowed him to go on a venture, on that would change his life, and when Jonah got there (wherever "there" was) He told Jonah that he wanted him to go to Ninivah. So while I was gone I found out that by Gods grace he let me follow my dream, he called me away for a season to plant me here for my life.

Yes, I still hate the stuffed up people, the expensive coffee drinks and complexity... But something in me LOVES IT HERE. I have talked to missionaries who say "I hate the way this country looks, i dont like that the people are mean, i miss home, i dont like the food... BUT I LOVE IT HERE" That is only by the grace of God. Not many people really want to live in Armenia, but the missionaries I met there... they did cause that is what they were called to. And when we are in the will of God, we will love what we ought ot hate. A good friend of mine Benjamin Zimmer once told me "You know what my favorite smell in all the world is? Homeless People. I just love the smell of homeless people. I know I shouldnt, but there is something in me that just wants to hug them so I can take a big wiff... because that is where I know I should be." Ben was in a place most of us would be uncomftorable with... but he was happy... actually he loved it because it was where God wanted him...

A few weeks back I was driving down the road, I had on new shoes, and nice clothes. My cellphone was on the dashboard, I had a full tank of gas and fast food on the floor and was on my way to the mall. I stopped at the red light and just looked at myself... And I smiled. I love it. And not because it is easy or comftorable or because I have lots of money (cause I dont) I love it because this is what I have always hated. I have a renewed sense of vision but something in me cries out love. I know it is God, becuase I am not here seeking after the "American Dream"... Yet I am living. I ask him every day to show me how to stay simple. How to humble myself and seek his face. How to find him... And I do! I see him everywhere I go. He meets me everywhere I go and I am happy cause I am in him, I am where he wants me to be. This may be the only location and culture I have never wanted to be a part of, but this is what he wants from me. I am not looking to conform to the patterns of this world. I am still me. I still love orphans and airports and new food. I enjoy living out of a suitcase and not having enough clothes to choose from. I love simplicity... but I am in love with home.