Mama Sirens

I was at a MAX station and I heard a siren, an ambulance. And I said a prayer for the person the siren was rushing towards ... then I resumed back to my previous thought. It was like I was watching TV and a commercial break came, and went. But I went back to the commercial.
Why did I pray for the siren? What made me do that? I always do that.
Why do I always do that? Because my mom always did that.
I remember being little and driving in the van with mom, and every time she heard a siren she would pray. Lots of time in her head, and I would try to talk to her, and she wouldn't respond. Then she would tell me she was praying. Some times she would pray out loud, just start praying. Sometimes she would announce she was going to pray, sometimes she would ask me to pray. When she would ask me to pray, it was not one of those times that was up for discussion or debate, it was just time to pray. Sometimes she would pray when my friends were in the car. I would get embarrassed. I don't know why. I don't know why I would get embarrassed of her praying, all my frirends were Christians. But even so, she kept praying for sirens all those years. And now ... now I pray for those sirens.
I was sharing this with Angela and Heather. Ang said she prays for sirens too, becuase her mom always did. Heather said she was in the van one of the times my mom prayed ... and she has been praying for sirens ever since too.
Its kinda funny, cause its just this thing. Its a siren, but we hear them all the time. Its this habbit I did not know I had... and I have it because of my mom. I really like that. I keep being told thatI am like my mom, that I do things like my mom, and though we (Harmony and I) scrunch our noses at that ... we know it is a good thing. Because my mom is a mom who prays. Thank you Mama.

Slowin' down

I've always associated Alabama with the song, not knowing anything about it but that it is a "Sweet Home," ... whatever that means.I know that in the Movie there were cool looking plantation houses and people with thick accents. I knew the general vacinity of where the State was located - over there, in the south. Its just a big grouping in my mind. Then, I came here.

I flew into Nashville, which by the way looks like such a cool city! I've been there once about four years ago for like an hour with my brother, but never really explored it. Then we had dinner at Blessed cracker Barrel .... why do wonderful things not come to Oregon?

Then to Alabama. I've heard it said that life is slower here, just like the sky is bigger in Colorado. (It is!) And I think both statements are true. Besides the fact that people here have a terrible habit of running red lights, things are a bit slower. Especially on the Army base, I mean, the only cafe closes at 2 ok?! But seriously, people walk slower, and talk slower, and bag groceries slower. And if those people were anywhere but here, I would think them to be lazy ... but it somehow fits, like, its ok. They are not lazy, they are slow, and I think being slow is a good thing. Because I don' know how to be slow.

The kids wanted me to see their favorite park. It was wonderful. It was on the banks of the Tennessee River (I know how to spell that words thanks to the grits song!) We ate at a picnic table in the sun. A heavy set man with a thick southern accent who was on his lunch time "drop that food down" walk, stopped to talk to us.... literally to talk TO us. He told us of why Alabama is the best state, and of the river, and the forests, and something about Enron. He spoke in Outline format, said the word of his next category, paused, then began giving main points and a description under each topic. He was knowledgeable and full of facts, but shared them in the way that a 70 year old math teacher might. The funny thing is that I walked away knowing all sorts of things about Alabama that I never knew before!

The only other person at the park was a young mom and her three kids. I just couldn't help but stare at her and her accent, I don't know why it fascinates me so. Even the three year old talked different! I want so badly to pick up this way of speech. Alabama, I havn't seen much of you yet, but I do like what I see. I love the natural beauty. I love the speech. I am in awe by the fact that every car on the road is no more than two years old. I love that you have Cracker Barrel and Chik-fil-A. But, you are no Portland. I love coming here, and seeing you, but I will take my Portlandia ... I just wish I could have it a little more slow.

#5

My Parents went to California this week to visit Harmony. They Rented a car for their trip. I drove the car around the block before they left. :)

Here I come

I am going to school this fall, and I am pretty excited about it. I never thought I would... go to school that is. I just wasnt something I wanted to do. I liked what I did. After I got back from Asia I realized I could not just keep working and traveling, eventually it would get old.

Harmony was the one who told me to go. She told me why I needed to. Why I would like it. Why I would not like it. She told me also what I would regret if I did not go. Sisters know sisters best. I decided to listen to my sister. Thanks Harmony.

I never realized that by going to school I would be doing so many of the things I have been longing to do : live in Portland, experience drm life, have a large group of friends my age, be closer to Grammy, learn spanish, lead, worship and grow. I am excited for school with a passion I have not felt for many other things. I know this is right. I don't know the answers to all the questions, I don't have it all figured out. But I know it is right.

Thank you Mama for talking to the Financial Aid Lady. Thank you Daddy for jumping on board. Thank you Sarah for giving me the low down on everything Multnomah.

College here I come.

ANNE

I just finished watching the last of the Anne of Green Gables movies my mom gave me for Christmas. I watched them by myself, I was too impatient to find someone to watch them with. I think my mom was jealous that I watched them late at night without her. (Don't worry Mama, I'll gladly watch them again... anytime... again and again and again...)

I got sucked into the story. Don't we all? I remember being in the play in 8th Grade. I remember being so sucked in, I really believed I was one of Anne's friends. No other story in the world hits me as intimatly as does the story of Anne. I feel I belong on Prince Edward Island, and my boosom friend Diana is waiting there for me to take a walk on the shore line. I dream of once again letting my eyes rest on Green Gables, taking a swim in Barys Pond (aka the lake of shining waters) I am even in love again with the poem 'The Lady of Shalot'

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web of colors gay
She has heard a wisper say
A curse be on her if she stay
To go down to Camelot....

I know, I know... I am a bit of a freak at the moment. But I just ended the series! I am caught up in it all, ok? I have this urge to read the series now, I would have to purchase it of course, which causes another problem of buying more books to replace the ones I have not yet read. In 8th Grade I got caught up in the story, I had to let it go. I had to accept that it was my imagination (at least I have an imagination!). I had to really step back from the story for a while...perhaps that is what I will have to do with this as well.

It is just so good. So pure. So innocent. A story of true love, friendship, and kindred spirits. I admire that my mom watched this with me and Harmony, that we grew to love it... that my Dad can even quote it... and though he wont admit it, I am sure Matthew could tell you of all the scenes of the wonderful plot as well. It is this special movie, that will remain special as I watch it with my friends, and with someday, my daughters, and as I watch it again and again and again. So for now, good bye Green Gables.

I remain yours, Heather ANNE with an 'E'.

Gods will - Part 1

Ok so I want to share what I have been learning about Gods will... more will come, I am going to study it more this week. But this is what I have been picking up, been thinking about. I am not set on any of this, it is just the ideas and revelations that have been rolling through my typewriter head...

God has a very specific will. The bible lists specific wills for Gods people such as: (1) Salvation, (2) Holy Spirit led life, (3) Sanctification, (4) Thankfulness, (5) Suffering. He actually writes in his word that he wills his chilren these things. I have heard lots of theories over the years and I am not pushing one, but this is what I have been thinking and am open to ideas and change of mind...

We spend so much of our life worrying about figuring our Gods will. My bible teacher use to talk about his friend who actually prayed about what socks to put on in the morning because he believed that God had a will for everything he did. I have also heard that anything we do with good intentions is in Gods will.... I think it is somewhere much more in the middle. I think that God is a little less specific than I have made him to be in my mind. I have been that one searching so hard after that "one thing" and getting frusterated or delayed in awaiting an answer for his will in a certain situation. But I think God wants us to act, to do, not to wait and rot.

If we are doing Gods biblical will, then we are purified in every area, suffering but thankful saved and led by the spirit. If we are doing these things then... I think we have choice. We have a lot more choice than I have let myself believe. This season God has deffinatly been asking me "what do you want?" And I just didnt know how to respond. I always said "I want what you want." And he would repeat, "ok... what do you want?" I got confused and argued much like when Peter was repeatedly told to eat the meat (Acts 10:9-16) Patiently God returned the same answer.

I want what Gods wants,God wants me to know what I want. If I am in his will, then my heart will be beating with his, my dreams will be his and I will know. There are times that he makes things much clearer than others, when he really makes sure he is seen and heard, but for those times that his voice is gentle or absent we need to have a little more trust in the relationship we hold with him.

We are here to delight in God, and for him to delight in what we do; to persue him, to let him persue us. If that is what we are going after then I believe we are in his will, I think. When it comes to making a decision and I dont feel an urging in either direction after much prayer, I feel now it will be easier to make a decision, which one will help me delight in the Lord? Will one of them distract me more?

Just comparing all that to my life, I think God has plans for me, gifts that are only mine, places only I will go, people I will impact, things I will do.... but so much along the way is open for me to delight in him. Jo March in Little Women says "I would have been a great many things." I love that line so much, because it is true. I would have been a great many things. As I look at my list of little girl dreams it spaned from Nurse to Meterologist to Farmer, Politician, Librarian, Framer, Artist, Musician and Clown. I would have been a great all those things. But what I will be the most great at is what I choose to delight myself in the Lord in. For now, that is doing exactly what I am doing. For the future that will include working with kids, being a mama like Harmony, sharing my faith like Matthew, writing, dreaming, talking with people... and all the other wonderful things that will come. Those are the things that I delight in when I do them, that through them I bring delight to God.

I am realizing I dont know Gods will more than most people and though the first week of this topic I thought I had it figured out, I now am more confused than when we started. But I am so in love with the study of it! Gods will for my life is not more special than for my neighbor or the will he has for that person in Hungry or for the greatest Pastor. We are all equal and undeserving of his grace, yet somehow his love is poured out and he keeps holding us when we stumble. (Psalm 37:23-24)

I am learning and seeking and it is good.

Stories

Ok so I suppose I am long overdue at writing, I have the urges of those who actually read this upon me - and it is nice, I like that people read what I write. I know that someday when I write a book they will buy one, well they wont need to cause I will give them one... but they will buy 20 and give them to everyone they know. That is why I love the people who read my blog.

Its my mom and my sister who urge me to write so, to follow this passion in my soul, the longing of my fingers to flow. They write poetry, as do I... I guess it is just what we do. We have stories, we live them, and we tell them. We see the importance of listening to each others, because our stories are important to others stories. A single story with one character would be quite slow, that is why our stories intermix, and weave and blend.

We really are alive to live out and tell the greatest story ever told! Our stories are meant to fashion after his! I guess all this to say: I have a story and it needs to be told as I live it out - so thank you for reminding me of this.

Birthday Wishes for my Sister

Today is my sisters birthday. I did not call her. I thought of her all day, and all week. How much she means to me. I thought of the crazy birthday parties in the past, the sleepovers I would try to sneak into, easedrop on and try to crash. I thought of the birthday when we were at sunriver, the year at creation and her 21st when she got "non-alchololic alcholol." I thought about how big of a deal Mama made our birthdays and her passion to simply make them the best day ever!

I thought of how I didnt get to give my sister a

birthday hug but how I wanted to. I couldnt see you

today, so here are some crazy pictures not many

have seen. Hope they make you smile seeing a little of me. :)

Harmony, I love you!

p.s. watch your mail box in the next few days/week.... :)

MY sister

I always find it intriging how long my sister and I can go without seeing each other and still be great friends. I sure do miss her while we are away, but being together is just like always, except now I am more of the person that I remember her to be. I am the antsty teenager hanging in coffee shops and spending all my money on traveling. I see her now, and know that only a few years down the road I will be where she is. I suppose I will be a mama and I will smile at younger girls who become me, who complete the circle of life we follow.

I respect my sister with all that she is. She, at this time of her life is a fast paced, smiling, cooking, reading, blogging mama... and she is happy. She seems content where she is, something I am desperatly trying to learn. And although I look up to her as a mama... she is still just my sister. She is the same one that played doll house with me and dressed me up and held me the few times I decided to cry. She looks the same to me, despite the bulging belling. While I was visiting her, a few times people said we looked alike, that made me smile because... being little I was so different in my appearance... now I can prove I am not adopted!

I find that the older I get, the more I relate to my sister. I think we are bound to equal out at some point, I have spent years trying to catch up. As a little girl I just wanted to be her, and in some ways I think I have become her... she has just moved on again. Ahh, so I keep on running. I love our age difference, I didn't always, but I do now. She has insight that I cant see. She grew up in my family, in my house, with my parents. She has experienced the things I am going through and when I remember that... she is a big help.

I love my sister, and sometimes I forget to really tell her that. So Harmony, this blog is for you (because you requested I write!) I love you. I really do.